<p>
Hey, LTS…listen to THIS guy. He KNOWS what he’s talkin’ about! ;)</p>
<p>“The heart has its own reasons.”</p>
<p>This Spring, we’re going to enjoy a h.s. grad and a college grad. I’ve felt for some time now that I’m in a kind of free-fall. Imagine my astonishment to read this “free-fall”
named and explored in:
“Inventing the Rest of Our Lives : Women in Second Adulthood” by Suzanne Braun Levine (2004)</p>
<p>Following that free-fall you can land upon your next chapter, whether it’s a college degree, new hobby or re-entry into the role of Chief Advisor for Young Adult Moving Into the World. Likely you’ll combine these, b/c you have amazing commitment, focus and character. These obviously flowed directly to your D. </p>
<p>I also like the hot bath and candles. You have to feel these moments but you will land.</p>
<p>I’m not sad but really grouchy and whiney. Even the dog asking to go in and out seems like a big demand and Waaay too much “change” for my life. “DECIDE!” I say to poor doggie. Are you going in or out? Obviously I’m the one who doesn’t know where to go next, so it bothers me. </p>
<p>Along with enjoying all the support mom-to-mom, I am impressed with the dads writing in. SO EVOLVED. </p>
<p>You are certainly not alone!!</p>
<p>LTS,
You’ve been given great advice. I can only add - it’s time to do something for yourself. Take a 1st-class trip. Or splurge for a week at a health spa where you’re pampered every day. Or go to your favorite store and buy the best damn dress you see – without peaking at the price tag. </p>
<p>Be selfish for a change. You deserve to at least for a little while.</p>
<p>What Katalia said really!</p>
<p>But also Congrats! What a big milestone!</p>
<p>I want to join the CC chorus…MAJOR CONGRATULATIONS…to you and your daughter!!!</p>
<p>I understand your sense of sadness too. You’ve set such high standards and goals for your family, and every step of the way you’ve worked very hard to achieve each and every one. You must have felt such great pride and satisfaction in watching your daughter’s success. But now life has changed for you. Your daughter is launched, and she has such an exciting adventure ahead. It’s time for your adventure too! You’ve gotten such wonderful advice already. Take some time just for yourself. You deserve some pampering! Also, look at a college catalog, and make plans to earn your degree. As others have said, you’ve raised a successful, independent daughter, but she’ll never ever stop needing your advice and guidance. The two of you have a deep and loving bond, and wow, you have so much to celebrate.</p>
<p>Congratulatlons to you and to her. </p>
<p>Your sadness is all perfectly normal. It’s very commonly seen in Olympic gold medalists - after years and years of striving for that one big triumph, they achieve it…and then what? There is always a let down.</p>
<p>I remember being disappointed and sad when I finished my Ph.D. Again after years of effort I finally did it…and then what? I expected the world to have changed somehow, but it didn’t. The very last and final step in the Ph.D. process was to take copies of your dissertation to the university library to be enrolled. The librarian barely looked up as she took the copies and stamped them “Received.” When I walked out of the library it was over. But there were no bands playing. People still ignored me on the sidewalk. Nothing had changed. No big deal; it was just time to move on the next project and the next stage.</p>
<p>So when your daughter walks across the stage and gets her degrees, nothing will have changed. It’s up to you to change it. As others have suggested, now it’s your turn. However, when you get your degree four years from now, don’t be surprised if you feel a little disappointed.</p>
<p>The first thing that popped into my head on reading your post was an old Charlie Brown cartoon, where he talked about post-Christmas letdown… but if you want to cheer yourself up, just re-read the beginning of your post! What a wonderful finish (and beginning) for your daughter!!</p>
<p>I agree with others who say that the maybe the “Now what?” time has arrived for you. Take your time, and enjoy your family’s good fortune-- especially the fact that you are together to share it! Many of us are facing this on a smaller scale as our seniors graduate high school. I know I’m torn between happiness for our son taking that big step into college (and towards adulthood) while at the same time realizing that his life with us will never really be the same again (and that’s OK - it has to be!). Mostly, I can’t believe how fast time is flying by…</p>
<p>Congratulations!</p>
<p>latetoschool–Congratulations for all your success with your daughter! Along with all of the other ideas posted above, so many of which I agree with, I just wanted to add another observation. In your post, you say, “We won.” Reading that brought me the idea that you are feeling a victory over a long struggle, a kind of battle. You are a fighter! I wondered (and I’m thinking about this for myself, too, as I write this) if you might consider channeling some of that wonderful dedication and energy of yours into a cause of some kind that you believe in? How much better could the world be if more of us fought the kinds of fights we do so passionately for our own families and ourselves–if we applied that same kind of fighting spirit outward to some problem in the world at large. Again, I’m saying this to myself as much as to you (I know there are many great volunteers here on CC, and I have done my share, but I know I could do more)! Is there something you learned in the process of your own struggle raising your D that might help other mothers in similar situations, for example?</p>
<p>Somehow, I think you’re going to be just fine–you will probably enjoy your D’s graduation more than you think. You sound like you know exactly what to do, and I think you will do it. You are a force to be reckoned with! You don’t need any advice, really. Look at all the success you’ve had so far–this next phase in your relationship with your D will be no different in that you will also make sure that it works; you will figure things out, just as you always have. And all that positive energy you’ve put out in the world embodied in your daughter will ripple out and touch so many other lives. But remember, too, that people are complex creatures. She needs to have her own adult goals, just like you have, and some of those may now diverge from yours a bit from here on out. It’s still going to be all right.</p>
<p>I echo the sentiments of those saying there is often a let-down after a big accomplishment. Like coureur, I also experienced a similar kind of let-down after completing my Ph. D.–I was in my 40s, so I had almost 30 years invested in that particular little goal–even longer than my children’s lives so far! 
Like paying3tuitions, I also have 2 graduations to get through this year–my youngest from high school and my oldest from graduate school. I’m going to be a new empty-nester this fall, so I’m writing this post as much to myself as to anyone, I guess! :)</p>
<p>Don’t be afraid to enjoy the victory of these many battles. The “war,” however, is not over. If you choose volunteerism/activism or your own college aspirations or some other fight to engage yourself in, I think the world better prepare for another passionate, powerful force of good coming its way from LTS!</p>
<p>CONGRATULATIONS!!! :)</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for such uplifting, kind, thoughtful words. I did read everything everyone wrote prior the day before yesterday, and, graduation happened, and my daughter is very happy. The ceremony itself was sort of a non-event; together with five or six of her teammates, she graduated with the doctoral and masters candidates, because they flew out this morning for what will be her last ever competition as a collegiate athlete. So when she received her degree it was sort of like “sorry about this doctors and masters, but here’s eight undergrads we need to fit in because they’re off to represent the college tomorrow” etc. Very brief, fast, not even really an event just rather more a quick handshake with the president, and a rushing her off the stage. </p>
<p>We were all fine with it though - I actually am sort of glad; it was absolutely fascinating to watch people receive Ph.D.s and master’s degrees, and it was a terrific ceremony. Very, very interesting. No tears - I rarely get unhappy and in any case I was being driven insane by some of our guests (very nice to see them but I’m thrilled they all left this morning), and also it was just too interesting. Later, at the reception, my daughter gave me - I don’t know how to describe it or what it is called - it’s a white piece of material that goes over the graduation gown (stole???), and has the school emblem, and, anyway, on the inside panel she wrote a very long letter of appreciation to me, and drapped it around my neck while people took pictures. I was so surprised that I don’t remember what she said to me. (Does anyone know what this is, or what I’m supposed to do with it? It’s not something that looks like one should frame, and it’s too nice to treat casually, but, it’s also too weird of a thing to hang anywhere on display - ???)</p>
<p>On a lighter note, outside of the obvious, the best thing that happened was when I went to buy a bottle of wine for some guests who came to graduation from out of town, I got carded, couldn’t find my ID and so the store refused to sell me alcohol, and then later, one of the other parents thought I was the graduate, asked me if I was pleased to be finished with school, what was I doing after… LOL. I am in my late forties so this confirms my longstanding belief that we’re all differently gifted.</p>
<p>In any event, I really do sincerely appreciate the very nice, thoughtful posts everyone wrote. I will come back to answer later…</p>
<p>Aw, that sash with the letter from your D is just wonderful.</p>
<p>I think I’d arrange it on a velvet hanger, put it on a nail in the liv rm for about a month or two for visitors to enjoy, then move it to my bedside or closet personal area for as long as I enjoyed it. Then, fold it up and give it to her daughter someday…</p>
<p>CONGRATULATIONS!!! I love that you could find it all “interesting” and stay in touch with your own feelings, even while guests were somewhat distracting and full of other preoccupations. Good for you!</p>
<p>LTS – These posts are getting me choked up. You and your d are both remarkable. Congrats to you both & hope you stay & post as her graduate school career begins. Sadness is perfectly normal. Keep it in check by getting started on your own college career.</p>
<p>Also remarkable: Getting carded & mistaken for your d! All the juggling and struggling you’ve done over the years has kept you well preserved.</p>
<p>LTS . Congratulations. Hard-earned wins are the best kind. Enjoy it. </p>
<p>OT: As far as getting carded goes , something similar happened to me the other day where I had to show my I.D. . I was given the senior citizen discount at the local cafeteria without asking for it. I had to show the disbelieving management my I.D. to get them to charge me full-price. 
Not a good day on the ego.</p>
<p>Yeah, but, Curmudgeon, wait a minnit - that’s not a fair comparison, not at all. First of all, before you left the house for the cafeteria? you probably didn’t apply your mascara correctly, or use the right color. Or if you did, I’m going to guess that your eye shadow and eyeliner either didn’t match it, or otherwise were not applied with precision. Plus, I’m guessing you didn’t stop at the Estee Lauder counter for the latest foundation to match your skin tone considering the changes it goes through after being outside herding goats all day, and you probably still haven’t tried the Loreal concealer for under the eyes, and you probably also missed the awesome colors in spring lipliners and lipsticks. And if you didn’t apply just the right color and amount of blush in just the right places, and very symetrically, well, you just didn’t finish off your looks. </p>
<p>But even if you did all that, if you didn’t groom your long hair just perfectly, or wear a gorgeous dress, Michael Kor heels, designer panty hose and perfect accessories, well, no wonder the cafeteria person had the wrong number. Plus, who did your manicure? I’ve always heard that the hands give it all away - lovely pink color by Revlon called “all bare” plus some lotion, anyway, try my suggestions, you can march right back in that cafeteria, C, and the same cafeteria person will card you even just for a glass of water, in fact, you probably won’t even look like the same person…</p>
<p>Stickershock, I know, that’s why I’m having a problem responding to them, I read them all on the day I started the thread and I started to cry lol.</p>
<p>LTS,</p>
<p>just adding to the list of congrats to both you and your D. Well done, well done!!</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>Perhaps you mean the hood. It used to be a true hood, like a monk’s hood back in medieval days, but on modern cap and gown ensembles it’s more like a loop or sash that is draped over the neck and down the back. It is usually in the school colors. Draping the hood over the candidate’s head is usually part of the graduation ceremony for Master’s and Ph.D.s. </p>
<p>When you see the college faculty all decked out in their finery on graduation day, they make for a very colorful lot – because the professors all wear the hoods from the schools from which they themselves graduated rather than the school at which they teach.</p>
<p>Coureur, I think I know what you’re talking about - the hood is one piece, and all of the doctoral and master’s graduates, and all of the faculty were wearing them. The doctoral and master’s graduates had them in colors that were specific to their disciplines - for example the MBA candidates all wore the same color, and the college of arts & sciences all wore the same color, etc. The doctoral graduates had a still more elaborate version of a “hood”.(Yes, the colors were incredibly interesting - it was fun trying to figure out each professor’s bio based on their attire. And I was racking my brains trying to figure out why the president of the university was wearing what appeared to be Princeton’s colors - I knew she holds several honorary degrees, including one from Princeton, but that wasn’t her “earned” highest degree, so, one of the fathers and I were trying to decide, does she wear the colors of the highest ranked school??? Later someone explained that the president wears the “highest” colors of the university she presides over - now if only I could figure out how THAT gets decided!!!)</p>
<p>But the undergraduates (there were only eight of them) didn’t have anything like that. They each only wore over their gowns this long, white piece of material draped over the neck, and down the front, rather like a giant tie that is not tied but instead hanging open, and panels hanging down the front. One of the panels has the school emblem, colors, etc. The graduate candidates all had this too - but in different colors - in addition to their hoods. (The master’s candidates from the school of music had incredibly colorful ones - so interesting - I wonder why???) Anyway, whatever this thing is, my daughter made a HUGE deal of presenting it to me. She wrote on the inside panel a very long letter to me that basically says “thanks for getting me through college, I love you” and then asked me several times “did you read it”…anyway, it’s pretty important to her, and she was looking for some signal that I “get it”, so I’m wondering what I am supposed to do with it…it’s sort of a difficult thing to display, and hanging it on a hanger makes it look sort of like a piece of used clothing. (???)</p>
<p>LTS</p>
<p>Congratulations to you and your D, both for a job very very well done! As Coureur says, the end of an arduous process such as getting a degree can seem anticlimatic, but it is also a new beginning (hence the name Commencement). It is, for both you and your wonderful D.
And isn’t it grand that you can still be carded? So go out, kick up your Michael Kors heels and enjoy yourself!
marite, who’s got to wear sensible shoes :(</p>
<p>LTS-Congratulations to you and D! It’s always sad to see a wonderful chapter of life come to an end, but oh so exciting to see our kids, full of youthful spirit and enthusiasm, embark on a new journey filled with wonderful opportunities. Many more adventures await. </p>
<p>I believe your D presented you with a “Stole of Gratitude”. They speak about it on the candidates’ section of the commencement website.</p>
<p>I just about spewed over my screen imagining curmudgeon in the getup described by LTS in post #33.</p>
<p>One of the nicer things about my alma mater (LAC) was that we all got hooded - very cool.</p>
<p>LTS - congratulations on raising such a fine daughter. I know you are very proud and happy, and I’m certain you’ll find new directions to take.</p>