<p>I’ve been only working on a part-time basis for years now during school hours so I could be home during the afternoons when the kids were home. Unfortunately my position is now going to require me working until 6 pm 2x a week thus leaving my 7th grader to his own devices until Dad gets home around 5-6.</p>
<p>Other than quitting (not a good time with a freshman in private college), any recommendations or advice? My ms’er is relatively responsible, but tends to procrastinate on hw. Obviously he will be told not to watch tv, play computer games, have guests but who knows what he will do when Mom’s away? The Teen Center at the ms tends to have a lot of “rough”, nonacademically motivated kids so that’s not a viable option.</p>
<p>He doesn’t need a babysitter, more of an adult presence only. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been in this situation.</p>
<p>Since you will be working full days only twice a week, is there a chance you could swap days with another family? Say you agree to supervise the kids twice a week in return for your S going over to his friend twice a week. Both kids do their homework for an hour or so before being allowed to play; conversely, they could be allowed to play for a hour or so to decompress after school but then be required to start doing their homework.</p>
<p>You might even consider hiring an adult to teach the kids some new skills such as chessplaying, or having the kids learn a language, or take up a sports (S1 took karate lessons).</p>
<p>Why would it be so awful if he watched TV or played computer games for part of the time between school and 5 pm, as long as he has time to do his homework after dinner? Of course, it is a different story if he has an activity after dinner so that there would be no time for hw then. Can he call you at your job when he gets home so you know he is ok, and then later on if he has a problem? </p>
<p>I have always worked full time and my kids came home after school at about 3PM starting in sixth grade (unless they stayed after school for sports, play practice, etc.) and were on their own until I got home around 5 PM. My son would play outside a lot (fortunately for him, our neighborhood was full of sports-minded boys his age) and my daughter would usually do hw while watching TV. As you mentioned, I did have a rule about no other kids allowed in the house, which I relaxed when they were much older.</p>
<p>One of my kids has graduated from college and is gainfully employed, and the other is a sophomore in college - they do not seem to have suffered from this experience of coming home by themselves in middle school.</p>
<p>Actually I’m more worried about the guests when he IS older (ie girls in an unchaperoned house) than currently. Hopefully, like his sister, in hs he’ll be on a team (or other worthwhile time-consuming activity) that will eat up most of the afternoon. He would be able to check in via phone.</p>
<p>I’m definitely not criticizing anyone who chose to OR needed to work in the afternoons at all. It’s just that our family isn’t used to it as I haven’t had to do this before. I’m sure we’ll all survive. It may even make him more responsible.</p>
<p>Could you hire an older high school or college student or other housekeeper type to come in twice a week? I had an acquaintance who did this as she worked later several days a week. The college girl came from 2-6 on the days the mom worked. She made the beds, cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed, picked up the kids, made them a snack, and sometimes got dinner started. You could present it as you needing more help since you have to work later, rather than that you want supervision for your S. </p>
<p>You could just have the afterschool hours, 3-5 or 3-6 as needed. This could also set up a good plan for vacation coverage and summer.</p>
<p>The following story is probably off topic to Motherdear’s concerns, but I will tell it anyway. </p>
<p>Even though I had always worked full time since my kids were young, I was also very worried about my son coming home by himself when he started middle school, because, as is the case with Motherdear, I had never done it before. I emphasized to my son that he must call me as soon as he got home, so I would know he is ok. (The middle school is within sight of our home, as opposed to the elementary school which is several miles away.)</p>
<p>The first day, he called me right when expected, fine. </p>
<p>The second day, I received no call, and frantically called a few mothers of his friends on our street, who said that they had not seen him. I quickly left work and scoured our block, until I found him playing outside. He was severely reprimanded for forgetting to call me, causing me to become upset and to leave work. </p>
<p>The third day, he obediently called me on schedule. Relieved that everything was fine with him, I went to the vending machine to get a soda. When I returned to my desk, there was a message from my neighbor who lives directly behind us, the mom of one of his best friends, who also is an anaesthesiologist at our local hospital. She was calling to say that the boys had been playing touch football in her back yard, and my son had fallen after being tackled by another pal and had broken his arm (displaced fracture). All of this happened in the five minutes after the mandated phone call from my son, and would have happened just the same whether I was at home doing laundry or sitting at my desk 10 miles away! You can’t win!</p>
<p>(We were very fortunate that my neighbor was able to recommend an orthopedic surgeon who she felt was excellent, rather than just using the one who happened to be on call at the Emergency Room that day.)</p>
<p>This does suggest the need for someone being close to deal with emergencies and for the kid to know how to cope with emergencies (i.e, call neighbors, relatives, 911, parents, etc…)</p>
<p>Obviously! A child who does not know how to get someone to help in an emergency should not be home alone. My son told the parent in whose yard he was playing my work number and she called me. My job is only about 10-15 minutes from home, so I was able to get home quickly - that is probably part of why I was comfortable having him come home alone. Also, when I am away from my desk at work, I always take my cell phone (even now when my kids are older). So I can pretty much be reached at all times. But I guess my point was that most people do not watch their 11 year-olds at all times while they are playing outside in the yard, and the injury would have happened regardless of where I was.</p>
<p>I figure if he takes late bus one day (school system offers it twice a week for ECs and academic help (unfortunately it only overlaps w/ one of my work days) he will be okay for one unsupervised afternoon per week. He can handle himself in the house. It’s the hw issue that concerns me.</p>
<p>Unfortunately my position remained part-time which means a part-time salary. It’s just that the hours are rearranged by edict of the director and I have to be there late.</p>
<p>At what time does he go to bed? Can he do homework after dinner, assuming it’s over by 7, 7:30? A 7th grader should not have more than 2 hours of homework, which would make a decently early bed time feasible. My kids always went to afterschool until 6 through 6th grade. So they did their homework after dinner.</p>
<p>Putting aside the issues of emergencies and being home alone, my original question about your concerns was the same as Marite’s. I don’t think most seventh and eighth graders around here start doing homework as soon as the get home from school, regardless of whether a parent is home or not. Since your husband will be home at 5 or 6, wouldn’t that leave enough time during the rest of the evening for hw? Or does he have some other activities right after dinner which will not allow sufficient time for hw?</p>
<p>Well I guess you will just have to impress upon him that if has a lot of homework on Boy Scout night, he needs to sit down and do it when he gets home. From what you have said above, I assume he is a motivated student, and he should be able to do this.</p>
<p>So your concern re: homework involves only one evening? Perhaps your child could be persuaded to do homework during the afternoon on that day? If your child is a responsible kid, trust him.</p>
<p>My Ss came home and stayed home by themselves in 7th and 8th grades, though there were days I could get home early, but these were erratic. For all I know, they watched TV all afternoon, but they did do their homework after dinner.</p>
<p>I guess you are just worrying because it is a new situation for your family - I have a tendency to do the same thing. As far as the HW issue one day a week, think of it this way - what if he had an EC until 5 after school on Boy Scout night? Would you be terribly worried about the HW issue?</p>
<p>Assuming that participation in the Boy Scouts is something that your son chose for himself, rather than an activity that you and your husband urged on him, I think that the solution is simple. On Boy Scout night, he has to show you his list of assignments and allow you to verify that all of the work has been completed before he leaves for the troop meeting. If the work isn’t done, he doesn’t go. Period. If that means that he ends up dropping out of Scouts, so be it.</p>
<p>MO2, I did worry about that exact scenario with my daughter all through hs. She was a 3 season varsity athlete from freshman year on, never getting home before 6 except between seasons. She had her local Girl Scout troop meeting once a week and then a Council position one night/monthly, She managed just fine. They’re very different kids however: both equally capable academically but oldest child was much more conscientious about life.</p>