<p>I identify so much with all of the “sandwich” issues and emotions expressed here. My mother is increasingly frail and ill, and I’m one of two nearby siblings. I won’t go into all her/our details, but she has been declining even more over the past couple of months. One of my biggest concerns as my son leaves for college is what we would (will) do if (when) she dies, and he is a two-hour plane trip plus a two-hour car trip away. Believe it or not, that has been one of my biggest anxieties about his leaving. (I think this is mostly my issue, needing to have my emotional ducks in a row.)</p>
<p>Fortunately, his two adult sisters are two hours away from his school. When we went to orientation last weekend and visited them on the way, I had a conversation with my stepdaughters about my mother’s wishes and our family’s plan related to her death. Now, they’re part of the plan: If she dies while he’s at school, they’ll go right away to be with him just to give him hugs and hold his hand. I know that he’ll make good friends, because that’s the way he is, and they’ll be there for him. But especially at the beginning of his college years, I want to know that he’ll have someone to rely on.</p>
<p>Has anyone else been through this? I am not sure how or whether to have a conversation with my son about it. I don’t really want to hit him with “so you know your grandmother probably will die while you’re in college.” I’ll bet he’s thought about that. Any suggestions? I don’t remember if I’ve talked to him about my mother’s wishes and plans–maybe not, so that’s a good opener: “So this is what we know your grandmother wants to happen when she dies, and this is how we’d handle it with you being away.” Or maybe I should just let it be now that my stepdaughters are part of the plan. </p>
<p>Gee, isn’t this cheerful?</p>
<p>Reinforcing what others have said about being prepared: If you don’t know your parent/s’ wishes, and if you don’t have a plan, do it now. If your parent is too infirm to express wishes, figure it out on your own. In the state where my mother lives, the assisted living or nursing home needs the name of a funeral home on file because there is a very short time limit after death before they are required to call the morgue if they don’t have a funeral home name.</p>