I am currently filling out a SAP appeal form for my school and this is the draft of my letter. Is it too long? Is it well written? Is it missing anything? Would you accept my appeal or do you think the school will? All feedback helps thanks everyone!
My poor academic performance this Academic year was due to my poor abilities in mathematics, poor time management skills, and the amount of pressure I put on myself. Coming into college I did not know very much about the medical field or what it entailed. I really did not know what I wanted to be. But growing up my family has always struggled in terms of money. Nonetheless my parents worked hard and built their business from the ground up. So I decided that a career in the medical field would be best because doctors make a good amount of money. I’ve also always been good with people so I thought why not? Before college I struggled in math immensely all my life. I got into this school because I did well enough on the English sections of the SAT that my poor math grade was outweighed. I was always better at English and subjects that had to do with writing. In high school the last real math class I took was in my sophomore year. So when I took the math placement test I was not surprised to see that I was placed in Math 101.
Upon starting school, the majority of the classes I took first semester were very heavy in math curriculum. General Chemistry as well as Chemistry Lab. I even decided to take Math 101 in my second semester because I knew I needed more time than most just to attempt to learn what was going on in Chemistry. This led to a drop in the time I used to study and prepare for my other courses. In the end I ended up withdrawing from Chemistry Lab, and failing General Chemistry as well as Biology 101. Many times during the semester I pondered switching my major but I did not know what other careers I’d enjoy pursuing that would also pay good money. I had also begun to enjoy Bio Lab and I did well in that class.
During the break after first semester I discussed changing my major with my parents who disagreed and insisted I wasn’t trying hard enough. Upon returning to school second semester I was enrolled in more math related classes than I was in the first. I also began working 15-17 hours a week at a calling center on campus, calling school alumni and parents and informing them on new school events as well as asking for donations. The only problem with the job I had is that we are not allowed to use phones or laptops, and we aren’t allowed to do homework. I continued in Biology taking Bio 102 and Bio Lab 112 both of which I ended up passing. But math classes were once again my downfall. I enrolled in Econ 1050 which covers both micro and macroeconomics because at an advising sit-in, I was advised (not by my academic advisor) to take Econ 1050 to see if perhaps business may be for me. I was advised this way because I expressed struggles I was having in my current major. Econ 1050 would also cover a core requirement so I decided it would be smart to test other majors if I was already struggling.
I considered dropping Econ the first week of class because it was almost everything I was bad at. But I decided to push through because I would never overcome my insufficiency in math if I never even attempted my best effort. Leading up to the first exam I sat in the back of the class, and I failed the exam. The very next class I was up in the front row for the rest of the semester. I put my best effort to learn forward, was very active in participating in class, and went into office hours if I needed help. I ended up with a D as my final grade. After finals were over I met with my professor and he commended my efforts and dedication which he said in the real world are even more important than getting an A on a test. I also ended up failing math 101 as well. During most of the second semester my phone was broken so I had little contact with my family. Two weeks before finals I finally had my phone repaired and I receive a text from my baby sister that my parents are getting divorced. I was devastated and I didn’t think it would affect my school much but it did. I became depressed and I began to wonder how I could return to school and whether I would still be here next semester. I also hadn’t heard from my father in months and I wondered where he was, why he had left, and whether I would ever see him again. My tuition wasn’t paid until the final week of school so when time came to register for the next semester and everyone was registering I was trying to figure out how I could pay my tuition.
I do take responsibility for my actions and I apologize. I do know that I can turn it around though and that is exactly what I plan to do. After having some time so sit and think about what I can change to insure that something like this doesn’t happen again I will be changing my major to English. I will also quit the job I currently hold to one which allows students to study and do homework while they work. I do still plan on pursuing a medical career and some of the things I’ve already done is get a mentor and sign up to volunteer at a hospital during the school year. I will be completing the science and math courses required to attend medical school during the summers of my sophomore and junior years, and senior year if necessary. For the semester coming up I will be enrolling in core curriculum including rhetorical arts, theology or philosophy, English 2202 and English 2297. I would also like to re take Bio 101 if possible because after finishing Bio 102 I’m sure I can do better in 101 and it would help improve my overall GPA. For the second semester I plan on taking the other two English lower division courses to get back on track in the major.
To ensure I stay on the right track and keep up my academic progress I will continue weekly meetings with my academic advisor, where we will keep track of my grades, assignments, office hours, tutoring, mental state, etc. I will be attendance for my classes and I will better utilize the resources offered by the school. I will focus on getting better at the things I am good at and improve rather than try to drag myself through the places where I struggle. Most of all I will come to school more focused and determined than ever before and show why I received my achievement award in the first place!
I’m going to be brutally honest. This is not good. At all.
First of all, paragraphs and grammar are your friends. This is not college level writing.
Second, this is WAY too long. Lose 90% of it. This reads as a list of excuses. If I were reviewing it as part of a committee I would have made my decision about sentence five and then stopped reading.
You need to totally start over. Do some soul searching. Briefly state what the real issue was and what you will do to correct the problem. Give concrete steps. And keep it brief!
I will be even more brutal- start thinking about other things you could be good at besides becoming a doctor. If you are struggling this early with math and science, it’s only going to get worse.
Take things one step at a time. Find a friend who writes well and have him/her work with you (slowly) to create topic sentences, agree on the “narrative arc” you are trying to tell, and then cut out everything else. And get his/her help on your grammar and punctuation.
Determination isn’t enough- you also need to get help with your writing in order to do college level work as an English major.
Hugs to you- you’ve had a lot on your plate, I know a parent’s divorce is tough on top of everything else.
Hello! Thank you to everyone for the responses. Brutal honesty is what I’m looking for here because I want to make up for my mistakes, and that starts by making this letter the best it could possibly be. After reading the comments I’ve written a new letter. Please let me know how it is. Thanks again!
June 7, 2017
Address
Address
Address
Address
Dear Financial Aid Appeals Committee:
My name is…………., and I have been a student here since August 2016. Throughout this time, I have faced many challenges in being successful as a student and meeting the University standards as well as my own. During my time off I have developed a new way of thinking and going about things which will allow me to become a successful student in college as well as life after college.
The three major issues which impacted my success during the school year were poor time management skills, poor mathematics ability, and not utilizing all of the resources available at the University. During the school year I worked at a calling center on campus for about 15-17 hours a week to take stress off my parents to send me money. The problem with this is that in the calling center workers weren’t allowed to use their phones, computers, or do school work. This took away many valuable hours which could be used for studying and homework. I also participated in many extracurricular activities including sports. This also took time away from my schoolwork. My math knowledge also contributed to my unsuccessful school year as many of the courses I enrolled in, which are required by my major are heavy in math. Finally, I did not fully utilize more of the resources the University made available. Two weeks before finals I received news that my parents were getting divorced and I chose not to go to the Student Psychological Services. This affected my attendance in class in the final weeks of school and my reception of information. Ultimately these are what led to my failure as a student.
Since the Summer of 2017, I have changed my outlook on school. My new outlook will help elevate my learning and ensure my success as a student here at …. and complete my undergraduate education in a timely manner. Having financial aid is vital for me to complete this goal successfully. After speaking with the Dean of my college I have been advised to change my major, which I will do before the Fall semester begins. Additionally, I will continue to meet with my Academic Advisor to track my academic progress throughout the school year. I will quit the job I currently hold and either find a new job which allows students to study and do homework, or not work during the school year. In order to catch up in the major I will continue taking core classes in the fall including Rhetorical Arts and either Philosophy or Theology, and fulfill some core requirements of my new major (English) by taking English 2202 and English 2297. Finally, I will utilize all the resources the school has to offer including Student Psychological Services, the Academic Resource Center, etc.
I sincerely hope this appeal can express how dedicated I am to being a successful student and continuing my education at the University I love. I truly apologize for my academic performance this past school year. The University expects better and I know I can provide better. I have truly seen the error of my ways and accepted my mistakes. Now I am ready to correct them and this experience will definitely make me a better student and a better person moving forward.
Sincerely, me
I don’t see enough of the elements of a good appeal in this letter.
- It's still WAY too long. Too many words. State what you need to say...succinctly. Adding a lot,of,words does not improve the letter.
- You need to include three things...and be specific. In other words..tell exactly what you have done and will do...don't be vague, include...a brief description of your issue. Then tell what you have already done to correct the issues. Then tell what you plan to keep,doing if you are reinstated.
No “I’ve changed my outlook…and it will elevate me”. Tell exactly what you have done…how it was succcessful, and what you plan to do to continue.
The specifics are all you need…not the other extra words.
This letter, in my opinion is still too long. The whole paragraph about the call center job…reduce it to two sentences. You worked too many hours and that interfered with your ability to get your class work done. Right?
Also, look at your grammar…again. There are still some awkward sentences.
Remember, yours won’t be the only letter the appeals folks read…so get to the point.
Thanks or the feedback again. I have edited my letter once more. Please let me know if it still needs more work and what I should do to improve it. Thanks!
June 7, 2017
Address
Address
Address
Address
Dear Financial Aid Appeals Committee:
My name is…………., and I have been a student here since August 2016. Throughout this time, I have faced many challenges in being successful as a student and meeting the University standards as well as my own. During my time off I have continued to work and change what I did wrong to ensure my success as a student.
The three major issues which impacted my success during the school year were poor time management skills, poor mathematics ability, and not utilizing all of the resources available at the University. During the school year I worked at a calling center on campus for about 15-17 hours a week which didn’t allow use of computers or school work. This took away many valuable hours which could be used for studying and homework. I also participated in many extracurricular activities including sports. This again took time away from my schoolwork. My math ability also contributed to my poor performance because many of my major classes are heavy in math. Finally, I did not fully utilize more of the resources the University made available. Two weeks before finals I received news that my parents were getting divorced and I chose not to go to the Student Psychological Services. This affected my attendance in class in the final weeks of school and my reception of information.
Since the end of the school year, I have been working to improve my learning and ensure my success as a student here at …. To address the issues, I had I’ve been working a job all summer as a way to motivate myself to do better in school and as a way to practice my time management skills. It has been successful in helping with both because I now see that time is valuable and after school one can’t afford to take time off or be distracted. To continue during the school year, I will either quit the job I currently hold at the school and either find a new job which allows students to study and do homework, or not work during the school year. In regards to my math issue, after speaking with the Dean of my college I have decided to change my major from Biology to English. I will continue to meet with my Academic Advisor to track my academic progress throughout the school year. In order to catch up in the major I will continue taking core classes in the fall including Rhetorical Arts and either Philosophy or Theology, and fulfill some core requirements of my new major (English) by taking English 2202 and English 2297. Finally, I will utilize all the resources the school has to offer including Student Psychological Services, the Academic Resource Center, etc. if needed.
I sincerely hope this appeal can express how dedicated I am to being a successful student and continuing my education at the University I love. I truly apologize for my academic performance this past school year. The University expects better and I know I can provide better. My ultimate goal is to complete my undergraduate education in a timely manner.
Sincerely, me
Still too long. Needs to be cut by 50%.
The main issue at this point is that you state you want to change your major to English but there are still many awkward sentences and grammatical mistakes. You need to correct them so that the letter is perfect and then get tutoring in writing. This level of writing will not cut it for an English major.
Finally, what will you do with a degree in English? A switch from Bio to English is a large change. The letter comes across as the only reason you are changing your major is because you gave up on Bio and a Dean suggested English would be easier. No where do you state why this new major is best for you. More importantly, what will you do with an English degree?
IMO you need to take a large step back and figure out you want to do with your life. Set a realistic goal and then determine the steps needs to get there. Keep working backwards from there. Just trying to jump into English as a major because you have issues with math is only going from one problem to another.
Thank you for the feedback. How is this draft of the letter? I have gone back and thought to myself, spoke with the school, and did some research. This is what I’ve come up with. The reason I wanted to major in english is because I felt it would complement a journalism minor. Now I know that it doesn’t really matter the major as long as you are passionate about it which is why I’ve chosen recording arts. Here is the draft:
June 7, 2017
Address
Address
Address
Address
Dear Financial Aid Appeals Committee:
I have been a student here since August 2016. Throughout this time, I faced challenges in being successful as a student and meeting the University standards as well as my own. During my time off I have continued to work and change what I did wrong to ensure my success as a student.
The major issues which impacted my success during the school year were poor time management skills, poor mathematics ability, and not utilizing all of the resources available at the University. During the school year I worked at a calling center on campus for about 15-17 hours a week which didn’t allow use of computers or school work. This took away many valuable hours which could be used for studying and homework. My math ability also contributed to my poor performance because many of my major classes are heavy in math. Finally, I did not fully utilize more of the resources the University made available. Two weeks before finals I received news that my parents were getting divorced and I chose not to go to the Student Psychological Services. This affected my attendance in class in the final weeks of school and my reception of information.
Since the end of the school year, I have been working to improve my learning and ensure my success as a student here at …. First, I’ve been working a job all summer as a way to motivate myself to do better in school and practice responsibility. For continued success during the school year, I will either quit the job I currently hold at the school or find a new job which allows schoolwork. I will also be taking summer math courses over my sophomore, junior and if needed senior year. I plan to change my major from Biology to Recording Arts with a minor in Journalism. I want to pursue a recording arts degree because during my time off I have realized that I perform best in creative settings and I come from a musical background. I will be minoring in journalism because I am also interested in a career in sports journalism. During school I will meet with my Academic Advisor weekly to track my progress. Everything I need to graduate with my degree in four years is detailed in my academic plan. Finally, I will utilize all the resources the school has to offer including Student Psychological Services.
I sincerely hope this appeal can express how dedicated I am to being a successful student and continuing my education at the University I love. I truly apologize for my academic performance this past school year. The University expects better and I know I can provide better.
Sincerely, me
I would,remove the comment about finding a job where school work is allowed.
When you are working…you are supposed to be WORKING.
Really…you need to do less work hours…avail yourself of the tutorial resoirces your school offers, go to study sessions, and professor office hours to get clarification, and manage your time better…from what you have written here.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ve made the amendments you’ve suggested. Please take a look and let me know what you think.
June 7, 2017
Address
Address
Address
Address
Dear Financial Aid Appeals Committee:
I have been a student here since August 2016. Throughout this time, I faced challenges in being successful as a student and meeting the University standards as well as my own. During my time off I have continued to work and change what I did wrong to ensure my success as a student.
The major issues which impacted my success during the school year were poor time management skills, poor mathematics ability, and not utilizing all of the resources available at the University. During the school year I worked at a calling center on campus for about 15-17 hours a week which didn’t allow use of computers or school work. This took away many valuable hours which could be used for studying and homework. My math ability also contributed to my poor performance because many of my major classes are heavy in math. Finally, I did not fully utilize more of the resources the University made available. Two weeks before finals I received news that my parents were getting divorced and I chose not to go to the Student Psychological Services. This affected my attendance in class in the final weeks of school and my reception of information.
Since the end of the school year, I have been working to improve my learning and ensure my success as a student here at …. First, I’ve been working a job all summer as a way to motivate myself to do better in school and practice responsibility. For continued success during the school year, I will not work. I have spoken with my parents and they are willing to send me the money I will need. I will also be taking summer math courses over my sophomore, junior and if needed senior year. I plan to change my major from Biology to Recording Arts with a minor in Journalism. I want to pursue a recording arts degree because during my time off I have realized that I perform best in creative settings and come from a musical background. I will be minoring in journalism because I am also interested in a career in sports journalism. During school I will meet with my Academic Advisor weekly to track my progress, attend tutoring, and attend office hours if I need help. Everything I need to graduate with my degree in four years is detailed in my academic plan. Finally, I will utilize all the resources the school has to offer including Student Psychological Services.
I sincerely hope this appeal can express how dedicated I am to being a successful student and continuing my education at the University I love. I truly apologize for my academic performance this past school year. The University expects better and I know I can provide better.
Sincerely, name
Take out the part about not being able to do your school work at work! Sure, many jobs allow that but it sounds irresponsible to say you couldn’t ignore your job to do homework. If anything, just say that you worked too many hours but have found a resolution to that problem.
The sentence “My math ability also contributed to my poor performance because many of my major classes are heavy in math.” makes no sense as written. It is your lack of math ability. And it should read “many of the classes in my major”. See the difference?
I’ve been following this thread and have not responded until now. (One of my neighbor’s is on an admissions committee.)
I don’t see what additional “outside” grammatical help you’ve received to write this appeal, other than asking the members here on this forum, for suggestions with your SAP.
I think you need to go to your writing center, on your campus. If you are not in town, go to your local CC or public U for help. This letter is too long and reeks of excuses. You need a shorter letter detailing your fall schedule and your appointments. Have someone work directly with you to edit this letter.
I don’t get it. This is a very important document that you need to provide. Yet, you are relying on your weak grammar and a few suggestions here, to race through this letter. You shouldn’t expect the members here, to serve as your grammar and content police. You’ve also demonstrated, with this SAP example, that you plan to avoid your “academic help center” by not using them now for crucial help! Don’t you think the committee will see that? They do ask the Academic Help Center, now and then, if you’ve even stepped foot in the facility.
Go, physically, to your Help Center. Ask them to review your appeal’s content and grammar. They are there to help and have helped other students with these kinds of appeals.
I would go to the Academic Help Center but I live in a different state. I’ll try to send them an email and see what they can do to help from there.
Do you live near your former high school? Perhaps an English teacher can help you with the grammar.
I see significant improvement in the latest version of the letter, but what comes through crystal clear is that you are rushing this, and you still aren’t getting at what should be made clear in the opening paragraph. You are appealing the SAP. This needs to be in your opening paragraph, if not your first statement.
Your second paragraph, and especially your third paragraph, are still too long, and each still contain multiple ramblings.
Is there a deadline when you would have to submit this?
You’re changing your major again, from BIO to English to now Sports Journalism, in less than a day. What happens if/when you struggle in writing again? Have you contacted any advisors in your new department major for their thoughts/assistance on how to structure a program for yourself to become successful? Appeals are not often granted, and when a candidate appears to be flailing about, grasping at straws, they might deny you and suggest instead you take more time off to review your situation.