SAT Essay 2!

<p>Hey guys, sorry for writing another essay but I saw that I improved massively in the previous one and wanted to make sure it wasn’t an anomaly. Here it is:</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>A nation is made up of many small communities, and the largest of problems stem from these communities. Without these communities, a nation would lose its identity and its ability to function effectively, thus people should solve problems in the communities that they stem from, rather they focus on the side effects of such problems left unsolved.</p>

<p>The inability of Hong Kong’s food catering industry and trade unions to solve the matter of employee wages perfectly exemplifies this. In 2005, a minor disagreement between a trade union representing employees at a fast food joint and the company occurred due to the infinitesimal wages that were being paid to the employees. Such a matter, which could have been solved within the company or through the use of an arbitrator was blown out of proportion as it was featured on the front pages of newspapers and the like. Because of this, the government was involved and a problem that was restricted to the employees and employers was now the cause of a nation-wide minimum wage debate. Full-fledged arguments occurred and a minimum wage scheme reached the forefront of the government’s agenda. Till now, the scheme hasn’t been implemented and heated arguments between opponents and those in favour still occur. This accentuates how the lack of a solution to the minor problem in the catering industry led to a nation-wide issue, which could have been avoided.</p>

<p>My grandmother’s inability to deal with a problem at its core also displays a similar principle. Though it is not on such a large scale, my grandmother’s problem solving characteristics show societal problems on a smaller scale. She has a predilection to wait for a problem to augment before she decides that she must do something. Most recently, this was displayed when my uncle and my aunt engaged in a minor debate about the education of their children. My grandmother knew about this from the moment it started but she wanted to wait and see if they would resolve it themselves, though this seemed unlikely. Her lack of action led to their arguments moving away from their childrens’ education and onto everything else. Before long, they were in the middle of a divorce, a problem that enveloped the whole family. My grandmother’s lack of action displays how she could have stopped a problem within the husband and wife, essentially the communities, but didn’t leading to a problem that now affects everyone in the family, the nation so to speak.</p>

<p>Problems left unsolved grow, and every problem must be dealt with at its core in order to fully eliminate it. Thus, as seen through the examples of my grandmother and Hong Kong’s wage crisis, it is more than imperative that people deal with problems within their communities to prevent the need to deal with a national issue.</p>

<p>Thanks a lot! Critiques and score are greatly appreciated!</p>

<p>_Your introduction is weak. It looks like an uncompleted story, so you should have discussed your position more. You should also improve your style and make it more captivating just like the introduction of your first essay.</p>

<p>_Your body paragraphs can be described as simply brilliant. They are nearly perfect.</p>

<p>_Your conclusion is well-done. I have no ideas to improve it.</p>

<p>Believe me, your style of writing as general is very professional and deserves high above 8, so you deserve about 11 or 12.</p>

<p>Thanks a lot mate.</p>