SAT Essay Grade Please! I know I don't have a conclusion...ran out of time!

<p>Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used.</p>

<p>Assignment: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<pre><code>Knowledge can most certainly become a burden as we juggle moral dilemmas that seem to suggest acting with our greatest intellectual knowledge may cross the line over to immorality. An example of this might be genetic testing and hormone manipulation. From prenatal screenings to tests after the deaths of loved ones from cancer and other diseases, choosing whether to utilize all of science’s, particularly medicine’s, bank of knowledge is not always an easy choice when the burden of knowledge may not necessarily directly benefit us emotionally. Similarly, advances in doctors’ abilities to manipulate sex hormones allows adults to undergo physical sex changes with relative ease, yet major moral dilemmas come into play when parents struggle with the notion of allowing a child with gender identity disorder to forgo puberty in their biological sex.
Prenatal testing for many relatively common diseases and disorders has become commonplace in the modern world. Parents may, however, be aware of variations in their gene pool that might cause them to consider further screenings. Similarly, a woman whose mother dies of breast cancer may consider testing for genes related to an increased risk of breast and ovarian cancer. In both cases, the knowledge that something is wrong is not necessarily a remedy; Testing the fetus and determining the child has a rare disorder allows the parents to discuss their options in terms of potentially terminating pregnancy or preparing for a disabled child, but it can’t, in many cases, actually allow the family to fix the problem. Likewise, once a woman discovers she carries a genetic propensity toward breast cancer, she is quite often simply left with the decision whether or not to undergo a mastectomy or similar procedure. This knowledge doesn’t guarantee a good outcome by any means, and this knowledge may only bring about more stress.
An extremely controversial area in hormone therapy is the use of hormone blockers and introduction of sex hormones of the other sex in children with gender identity disorder. An example of a candidate for such treatment might be a ten year old biologically male child who identifies as a girl in all respects, aiming to live her life as a woman and terrified of the physical changes of puberty. While a sex change later in life may still be an opportunity, the body changes associated with puberty could be particularly traumatizing for such a child, and transgendered children, teens and adults face a much higher suicide rate than the average population. Still, major concerns exist over the use of such methods, especially in terms of the child’s real ability to make a decision to halt or change their sexual path in puberty at an age when they can’t drink, vote or even drive a car. These children aren’t yet in middle school, but they are juggling a decision that will drastically affect their social and personal lives forever, and will leave them infertile. Today’s doctors have tremendous knowledge of hormone therapy, and it can be used for great purposes, but this bank of knowledge doesn’t come without serious debates over the ethics of use in young children and teens.
</code></pre>

<p>I’ve read a lot of your essays and many of them are beautifully written (at least more intricate than I would ever strive to make my essays be). I’m sure you will do fine, and please don’t be psyched out about the essay portion because you see to be strong (and the lowest score I could imagine you getting is a 10).</p>

<p>As for the conclusion, I’ve heard from many people that it’s not <em>that</em> important, and often times a simple and even (blantant) restatement can suffice. If you do fall into this on test day, I would say that you would be safe scribbling down a one line conclusion even as time is called. </p>

<p>Then again, this is coming from a 8-10 essay writer so maybe my advice isnt the best ^^;</p>

<p>if you want, I will post an essay I wrote that received a 10 on this same topic, you can compare your essay with mine to see what kind of score your essay will merit ^^ (which i assure is better than my score).</p>

<p>Modern society and modern life in urban and even a few rural areas seems to revolve around the internet or related technologies. The advent of the computer and internet has allowed anyone to learn something whenever and where ever they are. In fact, there is so much access to knowledge that people take the internet for granted and instead use it to watch videos of cats playing or people falling off bikes. It’s true that the power of such knowledge can be used to solve world problem s and comes with great benefit to everybody, but often when there is too much knowledge, people can become distracted, lost, or even confused.</p>

<p>The internet is a great source to look for homework help and find short summaries on subjects one is unfamiliar with… Upon searching for an explanation of probability on Google, one is barraged with a sea of blue text. Probability is a fairly simple topic and it can often be explained in a few minutes. With so much access to knowledge on the internet, however, one can often get lost in the thousands of search results. A simple question can easily turn into a frustrating and tedious search for a basic answer.</p>

<p>By clicking on one of these blue “links”, one is brought to a 5 page essay on probability. It’s intimidating at first, but more information leads to a better understanding, right? Upon reading the article, however, a person can often find themselves confused by unfamiliar terminology or even overly complex examples and explanations. At the point, a simple question often leads to more confusion rather than a clear, coherent answer.</p>

<p>When trying to decipher the blocks of text, one must search even more. Before the person knows it, he or she has wandered on to a video explanation on YouTube. This explanation is often jut as confusing as blocks of text and one might accidentally get distracted by the “suggested” videos on the side which hold more entertaining videos of people dancing or falling. At this point, the simple question has just turned into minutes or even hours of wasted time and distraction.</p>

<p>Having a great source or library of knowledge can be very beneficial, but when too much ??? i involved it can be frustrating.</p>

<p>this essay was graded by one former SAT grader and one other grader, both from whom I received a 5.</p>

<p>thanks. I’m just nervous because I got an 8 on the essay portion of the SAT last time and I tend to do really well on the Writing section otherwise. I appreciate your input!!!</p>

<p>Your word count is good- this is about where you want to be for a full essay. </p>

<p>I’d suggest that the reason you ran out of time is you have too much in your introduction. You are already going into the manipulation of sex hormones in the introduction when you really should save this for the example paragraph itself. Its enough to just frame your thesis in the intro and indicate the areas your examples will be from. </p>