SAT Essay grading

<p>Hey guys, i wrote this essay and i was hoping someone could give me a grade...</p>

<p>Prompt: Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
It is better to try to be original than to merely imitate others. People should always try to say, write, think, or create something new. There is little value in merely repeating what has been done before. People who merely copy or use the ideas and inventions of others, no matter how successful they may be, have never achieved anything significant. </p>

<p>Assignment:
Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>

<p>It is very difficult to be perfectly original, and some might say that it is impossible. In our society, there have already been so many innovative and creative ideas that being original is not probable. An idea that someone gets today will be medley of other ideas that have been thought before. People who copy ideas or inventions of others are not doing anything bad; they are merely using them for inspiration. So unless one is plagiarizing, it is fine not to be completely original.
The technology of today’s society is clearly ever-changing and is where new machines come to the market almost every second. And none of these items are completely original, yet they may be very useful and significant. For example, let’s take the ordinary sedan; the Toyota Camry is the most popular car in America. But the present 2010 version has been preceded by hundreds of models of other cars. This doesn’t make the Toyota Camry insignificant or a mere imitation because the car is used by millions of people and will be used as a blueprint for future cars. Merely copying a design doesn’t make the new design less valuable, but more valuable because it may provide later generations with new innovations.
One of the most innovative and creative companies existing today is Nintendo. The multi-billion company created one of the most innovative pieces of technology in 2006; the product was called the Wii, and it revolutionized gaming. It featured a remote that required the player to move their hands and arms to play the game. This technology opened a doorway to video gaming that has produced many more gaming ideas. Without a doubt the Wii is valuable and successful, and it actually isn’t original. The “Power Glove” was a gaming technology that was released in 1989 that featured the same technology as the Wii. The “Power Glove” was copied as merely an inspiration, and use of the technology did not reduce the Wii’s significance or value.
Originality is not always better than using a previous idea for inspiration. Today’s technology proves that inspiration leads to better ideas that will inspire new ones later. People should try to say, write, think or create something new, but their creations can never be completely original.</p>

<p>Paragraphs?</p>

<p>Lostmonkey,</p>

<p>This essay would receive a 7-8. The first (and BIGGEST DETRACTOR) is LENGTH! Despite what others say, on the SAT essay, QUANTITY > QUALITY. You MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST fill up ALL the space given for the essay on the answer sheet. If you don't, the grader will mentally be already lowering your score. </p>

<p>Next, you choice great topics. However, they are very underdeveloped. You weakly picked a side of the argument and your examples are about 50% developed. This is your introduction:</p>

<p>
[quote]

It is very difficult to be perfectly original, and some might say that it is impossible. In our society, there have already been so many innovative and creative ideas that being original is not probable. An idea that someone gets today will be medley of other ideas that have been thought before. People who copy ideas or inventions of others are not doing anything bad; they are merely using them for inspiration. So unless one is plagiarizing, it is fine not to be completely original.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>You should shorten it down, because only the LAST sentence is where you picked a side. The other sentences are extraneous. Write something along the lines of this:</p>

<p>"Originality is difficult to maintain, in fact some say its impossible. It is not fine to be original in that originality doesn't necessarily mean good or success. Some key examples of is the Toyota Car Company and Nintendo, which both exhibit how originality hinders them."</p>

<p>By shortening your introduction you leave yourself time to write some solid body paragraphs. You need to CONNECT and LINK your ideas back to your thesis nonstop. Don't just describe the Toyota, constantly show how it proves originality is is bad. Also, your introduction is rather confusing; you're throwing a lot of facts about originality etc. Simply pick your side and then list your examples, this way you won't confuse the grader.</p>

<p>Do the same for your Nintendo Wii example. By fully developing your body paragraphs you'll definitely get a higher score. </p>

<p>Another key detractor is vocabulary; you MUST incorporate SAT vocabulary into your SAT essays. Don't force it or use the words incorrectly, graders are trained to see when someone is forcing it. However, you MUST cautiously sprinkle SAT vocabulary throughout your essay to receive a great score.</p>

<p>Lastly, I mentioned this before; space. You need to fill up all the space given. Shorten your introduction and conclusion and make longer, more developed body paragraphs. In fact, some people even go for 3 body paragraph essays to ensure they have solid examples that connect back to the thesis and support their argument. </p>

<p>I'm sorry if I've come off as too harsh; your examples are good, I just want to steer you in the right direction. Don't misinterpret my critique as just derogatory comments; I see potential in your writing, but you just made some key mistakes (which are easy to fix) which really lowered your score. If you work on developing your ideas and making a clear cut argument, your essay scores will sky rocket. Hope I helped, good luck :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thank you so much, ill be sure to use these tips! :)</p>

<p>Lostmonkey,</p>

<p>Always happy to help ^_^.</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>I'd give it an 8-9, and although the examples themselves were nice, it would be great to lump them into on big 'tech' example and have another, say, historical/literal example (old painters?).</p>

<p>good luck!</p>