SAT Essay My Universal Template

<p>I am taking the SAT in 2 weeks and looking for a 12 on the essay. I really want to know what you guys think about my template and essay(in general). Also, please take the time to read it, it took me a while to type it.</p>

<p>Prompt: “is it really impossible to fail?”
Essay:
We all have goals, things we set out to do. If we do not accomplish them does that mean that we are failures? Well yes, if we fail to reach a destination that we set for ourselves, then our attempt is a failure. During the antebellum time period, many politicians were apprehensive about the impending war. Slavery had too its toll and divided the nation sectionally(North and South). The North demanded an end to the expansion of slavery and the South threatened succession if slavery was abolished. David Wilmot and Alexander Hamilton sought to solve and end dissent by creating compromise. David Wilmot’s Wilmot Proviso and Alexander Hamilton’s Missouri Compromise sought to compromise the two opposing regions of the U.S., but ultimately failed in preserving the Union.</p>

<pre><code> Failure is inauspicious, but prevalent in controversial times. The U.S. had recently beaten Mexico in a war and through the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo won the southwest region of North America(including today’s Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, and California). Whether these states were going to be free or slave states was a divisive issue. In the Senate, the balance between slave and free state representatives was equal, but these newly admitted states would certainly cause an inbalance. David Wilmot passed the Wilmot Proviso, declaring these states gained from Mexico, free states. Obviously favoring the North, the Wilmot Proviso failed to be passed in Congress; thus failing to compromise.

The issue of slavery remained up until the Civil War. The question of whether states were to be free or not came up again when Thomas Jefferson bought the Louisiana Purchase from France. This land doubled the size of the U.S. and would certainly pose a threat to the previously stated balance in the Senate. Alexander Hamilton proposed the Missouri Compromise of 1850, which drew a line at the 36’ 30 latitude line, declaring that states above that line would be free and those below would be slave states. However seemingly beneficial to the North and South, the Compromise further divided the government, as politicians sided with their respective regional sides.

Failure is possible; no matter how conceivably fool-proof our plan is. Failure is imminent today and ubiquitous in history, No matter how hard Alexander Hamilton and David Wilmot tried to preserve the Union, they ultimately failed.
</code></pre>

<p>So my personal universal template involves:</p>

<p>Intro: 1st sentence or two relate the prompt to people or us in general
ex. we tend to…
then i give a brief 2-3 sentence context of both my examples
thesis: usually involves my examples and how they specifically relate to the prompt</p>

<p>Body: 1-2 sentences on summary of example if story or more in-depth context if history
2-3 sentences relating the example to the prompt accordingly with my position</p>

<p>Body 2: transition: involves Ex. Similarly so and so do it
then repeat body paragraph 1</p>

<p>Conclusion: tie both examples together and how they relate to prompt and defend my thesis
then 1-2 relating the prompt in people in general Ex. 1st sentence in my conclusion</p>

<p>So thats my template, tell me what you think and whether I should have 3 examples instead of two</p>

<p>Cmon guys i really want to get a 12 and I’m pretty sure there are many people who are also in the same situation.</p>

<p>Solid. You’ll at least get a 10 (a 12 even). I feel as if you can have a more in-depth analysis with more references to the prompt though I wouldn’t stress to much about this considering that an essay grader get about 30 seconds to scan your essay. Flesh it out to fill all three pages</p>

<p>Food for thought: I got an 11 on my essay and like you I used 2 examples (which is apparently a taboo among College Confidential denizens). Be concise. Use your SAT word’s but not excessively. Here’s the template I made and though I researched my examples ahead of time, I used NONE of them. Hah!</p>

<p>Introductory Paragraph
Thesis The premise that <em>prompt</em> is an unequivocal ruth
<blurb about="" stance="">
Several examples from < history/current events/literary works/classic films/science> clearly demonstrate that <keyword> is <paraphrased thesis.=""></paraphrased></keyword></blurb></p>

<p>Body Paragraph I
Restate example 1 ( As demonstrated by…)
Supporting Detail 1 (Who what where, when)

[ul][<em>]Supporting Detail 2 (background)
[</em>]Supporting Detail 3
[<em>]Supporting Detail 4
[</em>]Supporting Detail 5
[li]Supporting Detail 6[/li][/ul]
Transition By<doing what="" thesis="" states=""> this <example> <supports my="" thesis="">___</supports></example></doing></p>

<p>Body Paragraph II
Restate example 2

[ul][<em>]Supporting Detail 1
[</em>]Supporting Detail 2
[<em>]Supporting Detail 3
[</em>]Supporting Detail 4
[<em>]Supporting Detail 5
[</em>]Supporting Detail 6
[/ul]
Transition By<doing what="" thesis="" states=""> this <example><supports my="" thesis="">___</supports></example></doing></p>

<p>Body Paragraph III
Restate example 3

[ul][<em>]Supporting Detail 1
[</em>]Supporting Detail 2
[<em>]Supporting Detail 3
[</em>]Supporting Detail 4
[<em>]Supporting Detail 5
[</em>]Supporting Detail 6
[/ul]Transition By<doing what="" thesis="" states=""> this <example><supports my="" thesis="">___</supports></example></doing></p>

<p>Conclusion
Counterexample
Rebuttal But as the examples <…> prove, <rebuttal></rebuttal></p>

<p>thx alot how do you feel about the 1st sentence or two in my intro when I relate the prompt with " We all have goals, things we set out to do. If we do not accomplish them does that mean that we are failures?"</p>

<p>I always do these type of topic sentences for my essays</p>

<p>It’s a bit vague (though universal truths always proved to be more resounding) but its fine considering that you’ve been able to precisely relate it with both the prompt and your thesis</p>

<p>i think two examples is enough.
and you’d better to add a topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph.</p>

<p>Well I got a 12 and I think it could definitely be helpful to add another paragraph. If you dealt with the reverse of your thesis (i.e. you explained how not only is failure very possible, but success is actually also impossible.) Then your essay could he strengthened.</p>

<p>Hi Guys - If you’re looking to crack into 12 territory, you need to be careful about starting your body paragraphs with plot summary or with story-telling. Your topic sentence of each paragraph should link directly to your thesis, using the same language, etc. Similarly, you’ll need to be careful not to waste time and space in the middle of a body paragraph with plot synopsis. The graders can see through that. Each detail you mention should be relevant and be explicitly tied to your argument. </p>

<p>PROMPT: Can success be disastrous?</p>

<p>Example of “Storytelling” Topic Sentence (bad): In Shakespeare’s Macbeth, the title character kills King Duncan. Later, he kills Banquo to secure his grasp on the throne. </p>

<p>Example of Topic Sentence tied to Thesis (good): In Shakepeare’s Macbeth, the title character’s success at eliminating his competition proves disastrous, not only to his own life and that of his hapless wife, but also to the entire kingdom of Scotland. <<add details="" of="" his="" murderous="" exploits="" here,="" and="" their="" disastrous="" effects="">> </add></p>

<p>Catch my drift?</p>

<p>One more thing, PersianPwr - I think your intro formula is too complicated, and tries to do too much. I’m a huge fan of intros that close with a crystal clear thesis. And I also don’t believe you should spend any time analyzing your examples in the intro - that’s what body paragraphs are for. As I skimmed your intro, I left feeling like I didn’t know what your thesis was. IMHO, the first sentence of your conclusion should have been the last sentence of your intro.</p>

<p>Awesomeirl: I think it’s safe to say that arguments that choose a side too unequivocally are less likely to earn top scores. In other words, try to come up with a “Yes, But” or a “No, But” thesis, rather than a “Yes Yes Yes Agree” or a “No No No Disagree” thesis.</p>

<p>EG: Failure threatens to capsize even the most worthy ventures; in fact, it is probably the most ambitious that are most likely to fail (provide your examples from history: civil rights, women’s suffrage, Civil War-era compromises). However, each failed attempt to solve an intractable problem informs the attempts of future generations to make meaningful progress, so, in a very real way, there is a silver lining in every cloud. </p>

<p>I think a 12 is very ambitious. Here’s a few reasons why:</p>

<p>I agree with previous poster that your thesis is not clear enough in the intro and the intro has too much analysis of your examples.</p>

<p>I don’t like your intro sentence to paragraph 2. Inauspicious does not work well there and failure is prevalent in all time periods, not just controversial ones. The last sentence in paragraph 2 is weak grammatically, especially the last four words.</p>

<p>Paragraph 3 - “The issue of slavery remained . . .” remained what?</p>

<p>Conclusion - you suggest : “tie both examples together and how they relate to prompt and defend my thesis” which makes a lot of sense but your second sentence - “tie both examples together and how they relate to prompt and defend my thesis” - doesn’t do that.</p>

<p>Not trying to be harsh, but looks like a 9 or thereabouts to me. Language is imprecise and often awkward (“However seemingly beneficial to the North and South, the Compromise further divided the government, as politicians sided with their respective regional sides”; Jefferson bought the Louisiana Purchase–he bought the land, not the purchase). Use a semicolon for two independent clauses–it’s used incorrectly in last graf. Word is secession, not succession. Strength is specificity of example. I absolutely agree with an earlier poster who said that the way to a higher score is to avoid black/white yes/no theses. “Yes but” and “Yes and” get read as showing more maturity of thought. Number of examples: I truly don’t think it matters that much as long as there’s some complexity of thought or depth of analysis. </p>