SATURDAY SO SOON?? Grade my essay please guys!

<p>Hi guys! Hope you all can give me feedback on this essay. I had a hard time coming up with examples though…</p>

<p>Assignment: Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history?</p>

<p>Often, it is the sacrifice and efforts of the common man that lights the spark of change. They might not have had the intention of inciting a crowd or galvanizing reform in government but their actions, which effused with conviction was enough to change the course of history. The self-immolation by Mohamed Bouazizi led to the Arab uprisings and the politicians coming from humble backgrounds made unprecedented progress which changed the face of Singapore’s politics.</p>

<p>In the streets of Tunisia, one man was the spark that ignited the flames of political reform in the Arab World. Out of personal frustration and disappointment with the government of Tunisia, Mohamed Bouazizi lit himself ablaze which angered the people of Tunisia and sowed the seeds of discontent with the government. The Tunisian government had neglected the poor and destitute and was rife with corruption. The seizing of his grocery cart, an essential asset for his survival was the last straw which led him to commit suicide. His actions resulted in the overthrowing of the Tunisian government which inspired Arab nations around the region to do likewise. The largest scale of the uprising occurred in Egypt where President Hosni Mubarak was supplanted. Mr Mohamed Bouazizi paved the way for political reform in the Arab World and gave these states a chance at democracy.</p>

<p>In my city-island home of Singapore, the recent watershed elections of 2011 saw the opposition party obtain an unprecedented six parliamentary seats, one of which was a major victory which saw the defeat of our impeccable foreign minister Mr George Yeo. The results were enough to effect some reflection on the ruling party’s style of government. Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong even acknowledged the government shortcomings and vowed to implement change, with a government more receptive to the voice of Singaporeans. The opposition party candidates did not have high social standing and certainly did not come esteemed families. Instead, they were the average Singaporean voicing the concerns of the average Singaporean. The change which they had evoked from the current ruling party was astounding.</p>

<p>It is the passion and conviction of the layman that can give rise to change and reform. The common folk who initiate change are representatives of the masses, having shared frustrations and values. It is of little wonder that they ride on the waves of influence and inspire the biggest of change.</p>

<p>Thank you in advance!</p>

<p>You are very much on topic, and your examples are excellent. They are well presented, and they encourage the reader to read through the end. Good work.</p>

<p>The slight negatives are a handful of grammar errors. For example in the second sentence “They” is ambiguous. I realize that you intend for “they” to refer to the “common man” — but even here the use of “they” is incorrect. Best is to avoid grammar and wording errors at the start of an essay. They distract the grader.</p>

<p>My one other concern is that the essay reads as being more polished than 25 minutes would allow. If that’s not the case, it would earn a high grade.</p>

<p>is that the topic on saturday’s test? how do you know?</p>

<p>Hey fogcity i took around 26.5minutes if you must know. My concluding paragraph took up 1 more minute! Yea i kinda exceeded the timing haha. And thanks for your feedback. In my country we are not so particular about the ambiguity of using “They” but i understand it’s impt in the SAT. Thanks! </p>

<p>Vargas, this is not the topic for Saturday’s test! I just meant Saturday is coming really soon!! So this is my last minute ditch attempt to practise!</p>