<p>We received a “Save the Date” postcard for a wedding last December. The wedding was to be held one month from today, but we still haven’t received an invitation. I told H that the wedding must be cancelled. As you can guess, it’s not a really close friend. He’s going to contact a mutual friend to see what they know. </p>
<p>Huh. Stuff happens, to be sure, but I would have expected some sort of follow up. Is it possible they had second thoughts about inviting you?? Now, that would be really rude!</p>
<p>Well…there is one reason NOT to use Save the Date cards. If something happens, it will be hard to deal with.</p>
<p>H thought that could be a possibility, VeryHappy. I checked their web site on “the Knot”. It’s still there, but there haven’t been any comments in two months. Nothing has been purchased on their gift registry, which could be another sign. We’re invited to another wedding in 6 weeks and half of their registry items have already been purchased.</p>
<p>I send out several mass mailings every year at work. I have been astonished at how frequently properly addressed pieces of mail are delivered late or simply go poof. Your invitation (or maybe a “don’t save the date anymore” update) might have been mis-delivered, shredded, or dropped on the way into the post office. The lack of activity on the website and registries make it likely that the event was canceled and you weren’t informed, but postal delivery is far from certain. I used to think “it got lost in the mail” was a convenient excuse but now it seems a definite possibility.</p>
<p>I got a save the date card for a wedding that was ultimately cancelled. Happens. But as we all would agree - so much better for the break up to happen before the wedding. </p>
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<p>Sounds like this is an ex-relationship. It also strikes me that sending out a card saying, “Never mind; don’t save the date anymore!” would be very awkward. I guess those who are closer to the couple know what is going on.</p>
<p>I would be checking into this to see if the invite got lost in the mail or something unless you don’t care to attend anyway… it sounds like something is amiss but I guess you never know for sure. My wedding is just over 7 weeks out and if someone looked at my registry or wedding website they would see the same thing. Hopefully none of my invitations get lost.</p>
<p>I’m wondering if when it comes down to “head counts” to determine affordability if some “save the date” folks get pared down.</p>
<p>but, as you’ve noted, no activity on their wedding site. Have you checked their Facebook page (parents? bride? groom? Might be some signs there. </p>
<p>You say you are not close to this family. That being the case, I would just cross this event off my calendar. My guess is the folks who are close to them know what is up. If they were inviting folks who are not particularly close, it might have been a bigger wedding…and it would be awkward to get the word out to the distant guests.</p>
<p>If your husband knows the family, he can inquire. My guess is this is NOT a happy time for someone. Tread lightly.</p>
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<p>LOL, I think that happened to us. Oh well, I hadn’t cleared my calendar or anything. </p>
<p>Either your invitation got lost, or they have behaved badly in asking you to save a date and then not inviting them. Seems to me you’re entitled to ask them which one it is.</p>
<p>Sending a “save the date” but not getting an invitation to a wedding that takes place has to be a new record low in rudeness. I can see not sending notification if it’s cancelled- although I’d probably try to do it gracefully through word of mouth- but to just ignore guests whom you have basically invited with your early notice is beyond the pale, imo.
Head counts should be made before any invitations- and “save the date” notices are invitations- just not ones with all the important details. </p>
<p>I can imagine that there are a number of people who wouldn’t process the idea that when they pared down their invite list that they had sent STD cards out to people who they had now been “pared down”…especially if the STD cards went out a year or so in advance.</p>
<p>Either way, once a guest list is pared down, how many brides are going to contact those “pared down folks” and say, “hey, you no longer have to STD.” lol…Can you imagine that phone call? lol.</p>
<p>Maybe the custom needs to be…only send STD cards to those that you know FOR SURE you’ll be inviting (close family, close friends). </p>
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<p>This is all true, but the realities are…weddings are very expensive and things OFTEN get out of hand once dresses, flowers, bands, restaurants, etc, have been booked or ordered. When it’s a couple months before the wedding and the family realizes that they can’t afford to feed 300, then the list gets pared down to 250…or whatever. </p>
<p>That’s why maybe it’s better to just send the STD cards to those that you will be inviting for sure. Those in the “gray area” can just find out when the real invites get sent out…and if THEY can’t make it, it’s less of a big deal.</p>
<p>I think we’re saying the same thing, momof2. Save the dates should only be sent to those you are inviting, for sure. They are, in fact, an invitation. Just not one with all of the details of the event.
If a couples list gets “out of hand,” then the right thing to do is pare down the frills, not dis-invite folks who have saved that week end and planned to attend. </p>
<p>STD is a rather unfortunate abbreviation.</p>
<p>The only thing I’ve gotten STDs for have been fundraisers for non profits that wanted me to buy a ticket or sponsor a table.
I’m kinda surprised some haven’t decided to run their wedding like that actually.
I agree that they probably didn’t stop to think that a STD is actually an invitation.
But I don’t think I did a very good job teaching etiquette to my kids either so I’m not going to throw stones.
:"> </p>
<p>@moonchild</p>
<p>We do agree. And yes, STD cards should only be sent to those who will surely be invited because, as you say, there are invites. And if you receive one that requires travel, then you may have arranged to have that time off, coordinated a vacation around it, etc. To then not get an invite would be terrible. And of course it the wedding is called off, then you let people know. </p>
<p>I think that if weddings are cancelled before formal invites are sent out, some wouldn’t even think they should contact the STD guest list. </p>
<p>Our daughter’s wedding is NEXT WEEK (sorry about the virtual shout there, but !!!) and we did indeed make our “invite” list before sending out the Save the Date cards. We have a lot of people traveling and many are now young docs in residency, so we wanted to give them every opportunity to make arrangements in advance for travel and time off. We DID experience issues with things getting lost and/or ridiculously delayed in the mail, so that could be a factor. However, it sounds like maybe the wedding the OP is talking about may have gotten off track. That would be an incredibly sad situation, for sure!</p>
<p>We received a STD card for a young couple with just their first names on it. Cute picture of the couple. But we have no idea who it is. Return address was in a State we have not been to and the last name is Smith. Not very helpful. I’m pretty sure I’m not saving this date/</p>