<p>If I were the OP, I’d let this friendship go. Politely, but inevitably. If it had been a truly close friendship, I’d look for a way to overcome philosophical differences, because those are the friendships worth saving. Less intimate friendships come and go, often because the kids who brought their parents together have themselves moved on. It’s the nature of our lives and I don’t think it’s a profound loss.</p>
<p>I do have some dear friends, and even a daughter, whose political/religious beliefs differ greatly from mine. Here I think the best idea came from garland, talking about her brother:
This works well in my life, too. I’d never drop someone I truly loved because we vote differently, or even if that person pushed a political agenda inappropriately. Just lather, rinse, repeat, and the message will get through. People of good will don’t want to offend each other.</p>
<p>Think it depends on whether you like her enough to bother with the relationship. If her political views were more aligned with yours would you want to spend time with her? It worries me that we preclude relationships with people who do not think (believe) the way we do - the idea of respecting different points of view is an important one to me and the way she views the world is a reflection of her experiences in it. If her experiences change, so may her world view. If you intuitively like her enough to tell her how things stand, you might tell her that her views (and gun) frighten you - this may be news to her as people can get so caught up in their own fear it does not occur to them they are frightening others.<br>
My children were once involved in an extra curricular activity with a coach whose political and social views/beliefs were a world away from mine. We were never close but she was delightful, bubbly person and very pleasant to spend time with. Later, her circumstances changed such that she learned first hand that many of her long held beliefs just didn’t hold up … in other words she got to walk in the shoes of those she had thought were so different from her and recognized many faulty assumptions of her previous belief system. And she was willing to update her belief system based on her own experiences. So oddly now, we have much more in common politically - but even if we hadn’t it would still be pleasant to spend an hours or so with her from time to time. If we only have time for those who are like us we restrict ourselves and may limit our own potential for growth.</p>
<p>I didn’t know NPR was liberal. I listen to NPR all the time. I like Fresh Air, they have thoughtful interesting discussions about books and I always find great new books to read. </p>
<p>I have lots of friends and relatives with very different political views. I’m not on Facebook so I don’t have to hear what they rant about on. I have a relative who emails me these crazy conspiracy theories that make no sense. Sometimes I hate social media and long for the good old days where your political views were between you and the voting box.</p>
<p>I would probably go to lunch with this person but if they bring up their political views I’d say I’d rather talk about your sex life. And then avoid them. I’d give them a chance, once.</p>
<p>Same here. It’s much more honest and I like to know where my friends stand on political issues and how they go about expressing that stance. Very educational and if they’re uncivil or disrespectful to FB friends like myself or others, better to know about that IMO. </p>
<p>One great thing is that even folks with political views I vehemently disagree with can find issues on which we find common ground and voice our differences in a heated, yet civil respectful manner. </p>
<p>I’ve also learned to be a bit more understanding of far-out conspiracy or angry ranters as I’ve found a few FB friends who made such posts which alienated many other FB friends…including some mutual ones were actually going through what turned out to be a diagnosed bi-polar episode while off-meds or had no previous diagnosis.</p>
<p>I think there is a huge difference between someone who has differing political views and someone who is just over-the-moon-bat-****-crazy with conspiracy theories. There is a difference between having different opinions on topics, even sensitive ones like abortion and so forth, and not even being grounded in reality. (Things like 9/11 Truthers or Birthers come to mind.)</p>
<p>How is she outside of FB? If you enjoy her company, just don’t read her FB posts and continue your friendship. I have a friend who posts everything about gun control and another who posts everything against it. I like them both outside of FB and have chosen to hide their posts. We socialize often and they rarely bring up their FB posts, if at all!</p>
<p>There are some “friends” who I’ve let go of in recent years simply because I realized they weren’t really friends. It’s liberating! Plus, my Christmas card list is much more manageable. :)</p>
<p>“One ex-friend said that she felt that our differences were more than just politics – that my opinions were moral failings on my part and that she felt that I needed to be enlightened. I disagreed. We don’t see each other anymore.”</p>
<p>That is incredibly rude. Anyone who would say that to me would be out the door, with a swift kick to the butt. People should be able to have differences and even discuss them, as long as they’re respectful to each other. I’m glad I really don’t do fb, I don’t want to hear ranting from anyone, I’m so sick of the blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>Part of me actually enjoys reading the far-out conspiracy theories that one, in particular, of my childhood friends posts constantly. At first it was off-putting, but over time I’ve come to think it is a mental condition, and thus quite fascinating. This is a woman who is kind and pleasant in real life. If you weren’t her FB friend, you probably wouldn’t know she had it in her. Once she posted that she posts these things on behalf of all the people who agree but are too afraid to say it. She could be right. If people are feeling a certain way, I think we should know about it. I don’t think her thoughts translate into her becoming a violent person.</p>
<p>It depends on how important you feel she is to you and her son to your son. Deep friendships are extremely rare and valuable.</p>
<p>If she (and her son) are important enough to you, it might be worth the effort to attempt honest communication, out of respect for her and your friendship. I would suggest you tell her what you have written here, that you disagree with her views, indeed that you think they are ridiculously overblown and even paranoid. This may offend her, but it may also get her to come back down to earth in that you are saying you want to remain friends. The issue for you is what it is worth to you.</p>
<p>I have a dear friend whose views I find, well, horrible. Over the years, we have sublimated our disagreements into humor and a prolonged, rational argument. I love him as one of my oldest friends now, one of the first people I met in college. But it is because of the profound value I find in him - of our history, his exceptional intelligence (I learn from what he argues, but he wants me to refute him so he can learn), and the frankest discussion about our marriages over 10 years. THere are things I can share with him that I can with no one else. </p>
<p>I don’t presume she could mean as much to you as my friend does to me. But true friends are worth investing in, imho.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is hot and heavy into politics and is at the far extreme end and opposite me, even if I were on her team, I would be a bit embarassed by her posts.</p>
<p>I decided when I joined that FB is no place for politics and religion so I don’t post, don’t like, and don’t pay any attention to what others post. I would ignore her political proclivities if possible. If she is too outrageous in person then you could tell her you would rather not talk about that, see if she ca control herself. If not, then distance may be your only solution</p>
<p>I would probably start stating my own (opposite) views in a case like this more and more, and watch the friendship wither away. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with being around someone having a gun with them, and I would let her know. I don’t know what your friendship is based on. Maybe now that the kids are grown, there isn’t that much holding you together anyway.</p>
<p>Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful replies. You’ve all given me a lot to think about. </p>
<p>I really appreciate having a place like this to exchange ideas. It’s kind of funny that I’m still hanging out on this site after my youngest child has been in college for two years, but I quite enjoy all the interesting and intelligent people who also hang out here!</p>
<p>FB, my S got his BEE in 2010. D got her BA in spring 2013. I still enjoy the folks here and value their opinions. Kids MAY get additional degrees–who knows? Neither H nor I are interested in more degrees but H does qualify for free classes as a SR citizen.</p>
<p>I was thinking about this thread because yesterday my mother sent me one of those emails that periodically make the rounds. It wasn’t political. But it was easily the dumbest thing I have read online in the past year, and you all know how much ground that covers. Offensive, too.</p>
<p>Basically, it was two old-times discussing how they never heard about drug problems when they were growing up, because they were fortunate enough to have parents who “drug” them by their ears to the sink to have their mouths washed out with soap when they got uppity, or “drug” them to the woodshed for a beating when they got more uppity. I just saw red and didn’t take my own advice about setting limits for continuing a conversation. I fired off an email and to my credit didn’t say “I can’t believe you’re so ignorant as to believe this and even more ignorant as to think that I’d want to see it.” I did remind her that she should know that alcohol was a pretty prevalent “drug” when she was growing up, and when I was, as many family members were addicted to it.</p>
<p>So now I know a little better that it’s not easy to step back when a friend or family member sends or posts offensive material. But I do think she’ll take me off her distribution list and who really likes those cutesy internet stories anyway?</p>
<p>Most of my friends are slightly more conservative than I am, but I can be a bit extreme :). However, most of them don’t know this, because I don’t post about political or religious things on FB and I don’t go around talking about them.</p>
<p>I agree that removing someone from your FB news feed can be a good way of avoiding sides of them you don’t want to see. A cousin of mine occasionally posts about his extreme religious beliefs, things like gay people being sodomites who will burn in hell and that anything bad happening in the US right now is because of the legalization and acceptance of “sodomy”. I would never know he felt that way from seeing him once a year for Christmas or summer vacation, and now that I do know, it colors my feelings about him. Better to check them off, and then, if the discussions ever do come up IRL, keep it civil or simply say that you’d rather not discuss it.</p>
<p>It sounds like you two were fine at avoiding sensitive topics in the past when your kids were still around and you were necessarily more friendly. Maybe in addition to her moving more to the right, you’ve also been more willing to have fractious discussions as you don’t really have to keep up a friendship with her now that the kids are away?</p>