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<p>I think this is an excellent way of putting it, but I would go back to how well I knew the mom. Think of how many of these conversations we would be having with our peer parents if every time we heard a rumor about some kid, then almost ran into their parent, but managed to avoid them? </p>
<p>I also think the difference with us is that we are friends with a lot of our kids’ friends parents, from high school. So if this story had happened with one of them, I wouldn’t wait until I almost ran into someone in the grocery store. Again, I’m talking about relationships that are close, not distanced over the years. And I have often told friends of mine that if they ever had evidence of anything my kid did, that they know I would not approve of, that I would be very disappointed if they did not tell me. And, again, it would have to be about health and safety issues.</p>
<p>Once I made my peace, it is then my business to step back and never mention it to anyone, or even bring it up to the parent again, unless they initiated contact with me. </p>
<p>I do have to say I did this once; I blew the whistle on a party that I was very worried about (it involved underaged drinking, at a lake house, with no adult supervision, and had been disguised as a few guys getting together to play poker, but in reality girls were included, too.). Unfortunately, my daughter caught hell for hit because when I was talking to the other mother (who was a very close friend of mine), she became rather hysterical on the phone, her son, who was organizing the party, overheard her talking to me, and knew right away my daughter had told me about it. Yes, I felt bad about it, but had anything happened, I could have never forgiven myself. </p>
<p>One other time when I found out that a group of kids had all lied to their parents about who was staying at whose house and I found out they’d stayed at one person’s house (whose mother was still grieving the recent death of her husband!) to all get drunk, I approached my daughter and told her I knew. I told her she had a choice; either I could call these parents myself, or each kid could choose to tell their parents themselves. Some chose to tell the parents themselves, and I think I had to call two parents, who expressed gratitude for my doing so. </p>
<p>Funny thing was, I found out about it about a month after it happened. My daughter and her best friend were stupid enough to AOL IM about it, and D printed it out and left it on her desk in her bedroom! Now if that isn’t asking to be caught, what is? For what it’s worth, about two weeks after their little party (and a couple of weeks before I found out), there was a horrible car crash where one of their classmates was killed, and two others injured pretty badly. So us parents didn’t really feel like there was any lecture or punishment that make them feel any worse. In fact, one of the girls involved in the drinking incident, who was a year older than my daughter, and who felt some responsibility for looking out for the younger ones, actually wrote me an apology note for not being the mature one and knowing what they were doing was wrong. I admired her more for that than anything else she ever did! Class act. Make a mistake, own up to it, and apologize. I never lost any respect for her due to this incident.</p>