Saw a Mom in the Grocery Today...

<p>A couple of weeks ago, D2 was giving me the rundown on recent gossip in her 11th grade class. Small private school, and I was a scout leader for them many years ago, so I am familiar with almost all of the girls in her grade. D (in rapidly listing a bunch of names/stories about crushes, etc.) said, "... and X had a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago, but it turned out that she wasn't." </p>

<p>"Whoa," I said, "What?" X is not in my D's circle of friends, but I do know that she runs with the "wilder" crowd in their grade. I have not seen this girl more than in passing in several years (although I did know her reasonably well in D's scouting days), nor have I spoken to her parents since elementary school. Her mom is a physician, super busy, quite nice from every interaction I have even had with her. But I don't know her well at all. I have kept this rumor to myself since D mentioned it, and plan to continue to do so.</p>

<p>Today I was in the grocery and saw X's mom. I saw her first, she didn't see me, and I immediately dove down the baking aisle... I just didn't want to have a "oh, how is X doing?" conversation. A little tickle inside me says that if it were my D, maybe I would want someone to tell me. But a much stronger instinct says that (1) it is possible the rumor isn't true (although I think it is very possible that it is), (2) the parent may already know something and doesn't need me butting in, especially when I don't know the family well, (3) even if the parent does know, it is unlikely that they could change their D's behavior, and (4) could be some blowback for D if X found out whose parent talked to her mom.</p>

<p>Thoughts/comments? I have no real inclination to follow up with the mom, but am curious whether anyone else has dealt with a similar situation.</p>

<p>I would stay out of this.</p>

<p>Although I have no experience specific to this situation, I have seen first hand rumors, which turned out to be blatantly and absolutely false.</p>

<p>Even if this one were true, I would steer clear.</p>

<p>Agreed. I would stay out of it.</p>

<p>I would not bring up the possible pregnancy scare, but I would have said hello instead of running from her. And I would have asked how daughter was doing.</p>

<p>Teens have sex. And for all you know, she could have been using protection, but something went wrong. There is no reason to go to a parent and inform them that their child is having sex just like everyone else.</p>

<p>I would stay out of it. For all you know the same rumor is circulating about your daughter, would you want to discuss that in the grocery store?</p>

<p>Or the girl has never had sex, thinks everyone else is, was a day or two late, and decided to suggest to her friends that she's having wild and crazy sex every night of the week. </p>

<p>We just have no idea what's true, so it's better to keep quiet.</p>

<p>When I went to the hospital for a kidney infection at age 15 several grown women in my town suspected that I had a D&C (codeword Catholic abortion). One such mother was foolish enough to make a comment to my mother alluding to this fact. She set that old biddy straight right there in the grocery store in a way that is remembered to this day. Even if it is absolutely true, it is none of your business and it is easy to see how easy a rumor could be spread about your own daughter.</p>

<p>I can't even imagine considering talking to the mother about this or any other rumor, true or not. How could it ever be your business? It's nice that your D feels close enough to you to include you in the rumor mill, but how would you ever consider betraying her confidence?</p>

<p>BYOB on this one.</p>

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BYOB on this one.

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</p>

<p>Might you have intended MYOB? ;)</p>

<p>Agree with everyone. I wouldn't even say anything if I did know the mom well! What would you possibly say in this situation that wouldn't just seem rude, nosy and insulting?</p>

<p>I would not say anything. Furthermore I would tell my D that while I appreciate her sharing with me, she should not repeat this rumor to anyone else.</p>

<p>Yup to all of these comments... which is why I didn't say anything. Regarding not talking to her, it was a sort of instinctive move. I was in the baking aisle before I even was consciously thinking of the story D told me. Although I think my subconscious remembered. I am better prepared now, and will be ready to have an innocuous conversation if I see her again (I have never seen her in the store before, so really wasn't prepared).</p>

<p>I would probably say something to my best friend (we have D's in the same class) if I heard that story about her D, but no one else (and would want her to do the same regarding mine, although that particular rumor is unlikely to be true because my D is gay...). And definitely with the caveat that it might be a completely untrue rumor.</p>

<p>And definitely with the caveat that it might be a completely untrue rumor.</p>

<p>Isn't most gossip speculation anyway? Why even mention it?</p>

<p>Well...ekty4, to play devil's advocate a bit, because I did know this girl pretty well in elementary school. She had the signs of one headed for trouble (as a scout leader for a lot of years, you could usually tell which ones were headed for rebellious teen years, and I have had a pretty good track record of identifying them of the 40 or so girls I had in my troops over the years). I also know which crowd she hangs out with, and they are the drinking/drugs crowd. So if I were betting, I would say the rumor is true. And if I could prevent a teen pregnancy by tipping off her mom (an iffy proposition at best, I know), then maybe I should. </p>

<p>I am just saying that this all crossed my mind, not that I am going to act on it. For all the reasons mentioned in posts above I will not talk to her mom or anyone else about this. But my instincts say that there not just smoke, but fire here. Hopefully this scare will scare her into using protection (or more protection if she was already using it). </p>

<p>Regarding FallGirl's comment, my kid is usually the last to know anything like this... so I doubt she could tell anyone at school who didn't already hear it even if she wanted to (but she probably wouldn't anyway).</p>

<p>Ha ha!!</p>

<p>A few weeks ago our home phone rang; it was one of our neighbors who was surprised to hear me answer the phone. As many of our friends had eventually come to know, I've had some health issues since last fall and have been quite transparent, mostly because it was all such a bizarre confluence of events that I was open to any advice/guidance anyone would be willing to offer. </p>

<p>Anyway, her first sentence to me was, "Teriwtt, I didn't think you'd answer the phone; I heard you were at ________ Hospital for a few weeks. I was calling to talk to your husband to find out what was going on." </p>

<p>Our cleaning lady is related to this neighbor's best friend's husband (in fact, that's how I found our cleaning lady). The cleaning lady is sisters with the husband's mom and I know had discussed my illness with her, partly because the mom has celiac and avoids some of the foods I was attempting to eliminate from my diet. But somehow this mom got something wrong (she does have some very minimal signs of dementia), told her daughter-in-law that I was in the hospital. The daughter-in-law told her best friend (our neighbor) and that's why I got the phone call. Never mind that I had been in regular contact with my neighbor during this time because she was also on leave from work due to her own surgery. </p>

<p>I had to kind of laugh when I told her no, I was at home, and not hospitalized (in fact, I had hired the cleaning lady as a companion for a few days when H was out of town and I needed help getting to doctor's appointments, so she knew I wasn't in the hospital!). And then I began to wonder how far this rumor had gotten before my neighbor actually called me to get information from my husband. So I have no idea which friends and/or acquaintances out in the community still think I was hospitalized for several weeks! I actually think it's kind of funny, and am proud that I'm the kind of person that really doesn't care. And, I can't wait to see the faces of people I start running into around town who obviously heard the rumor and skirt around the issue when they see me. I keep thinking I should make up some really dramatic story to tell them, keep them occupied in the baking aisle, and end the conversation with, "NOT." Helps you find out who your real friends are.</p>

<p>lol BYOB = Bring your own beer</p>

<p>thumper can be forgiven for using "BYOB"; she posted during the Super Bowl.</p>

<p>I depise rumors and gossip....consider it a rumor because you really know nothing other than what your daughter has heard. Even if it was true it is not your business to discuss with the parents. Chances are her mother knows considering she is a physician.</p>

<p>Good time to remind your daughter that it is not her business and she should keep that little rumor from passing her lips. Take this situation as a good opportunity to pass on some good parental wisdom.</p>