Marriage is listening to your husband go over his golf game the night before. Hole by hole and club by club…
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What a pleasant surprise to have you text right back around 2pm, “I have some availability to do haircut at your house this afternoon”. But what a bummer waiting for two hours for you to reply to my subsequent texts, including “need to be done by 5pm”. I had other things I could have been doing. Oh… TA DA- finally “see you in a minute”.
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The most arrogant know-it-alls seem to actually know the least.
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My kid won a Gates Scholarship last month. The application was a lot of work and there were 53,000 applicants this year. My math is rusty but I think that deserves a yowza! Yeah, I am just bragging here. For various reasons, I can’t brag to most friends, family or people that I know in real life, but I am still super proud.
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TL:DR 
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Sometimes, i feel like we are all being punked 
ETA: I forgot that my original word was forbidden!
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If I may, I would like to pass along a cooking tip that I learned this morning at 6am:
The first time the smoke alarms go off, the steak is well done; the second time the smoke alarms go off, the steak is very well done (and all the neighbor’s are awake).
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Sadly, after recent revelations, I now fully appreciate the phrase: She couldn’t even get elected as dog catcher.
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Goodbye neighbors two doors down! We won’t miss you. Your 3 dogs barking all the time wasn’t as bad as you screaming at them constantly - which we could hear inside our den. No wonder they always ran away. But that was the worst for us, when they ran up on our porch. We love dogs. We let our other neighbors use our yard as a dog park. But yours unattended on our porch? H takes care of a stray cat that spends most of her time on our porch. And she’s stone cold deaf. She can’t hear your dogs running up on her. If one of them killed her… H would have been devastated. We told you this, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.
So good bye!!! Can’t say we are shedding any tears. Hopefully your next rental has a fenced in yard.
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It’s been a week of unrest and tension at work. Thank you, fellow Washingtonians, for bringing so many smiles with the zebra photos! (See story about loose zebras, with one still on the run east of Seattle. People are creating their own images of the zebra visiting various local businesses, riding the ferry, etc.)
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Dear Nosy Neighbor,
I don’t know if you are crazy or just dumb. You alone are probably contributing more to global warming than the entire rest of the people living on our street combined. You get in your gigantic SUV, drive literally across the street to the mailbox, turn off the car, get your mail, sit in car for awhile to read the mail, and then turn the car back on to drive back across the street into your garage.
Between that, the astroturf all over your front and backyard, and the bright as heck outdoor lights you keep on 24 hours a day, you should be ashamed of yourself.
You are super duper weird. And you’ve become strangely entertaining because we never know what you’re going to do next.
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You know we are Jewish. You know I have a sophomore in college.
Nothing? Not even one check in?
There is not a pie of injustice. You can ask and it doesn’t mean it’s taking away from the valid pain of others.
You are NOT my people and this block- clearly you don’t truly care about us. No more porch parties at my pad!
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If you ever mansplain the LLC agreement to me again, I swear to God and our father’s memory that I will make you wish you had not. Honest to goodness, are you ever tired of being the guy at the end of the metaphorical bar, with your great thoughts, right wing opinions, provincial outlook, and sexist tone?
The kids should help pay the bills, I don’t care what you think. But okay – I breathlessly await you and the other one paying me back your share. You havent done it yet, ever. But I’ll wait.
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Well I have never fainted before. So guess there is a first for everything. And if so, I guess doing it at a large gala is…… well, embarrassing!
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Three days ago, a woman who did not look much younger than I offered me her seat on a bus. Yesterday, the supermarket clerk – unprompted – explained that the discount coupons would be coming by email rather than snail mail but that if it was a problem for me, I could see at customer service if there was a workaround.
I had no idea I had aged so dramatically. Not sure what I need – skin care products, large sunglasses, new hair color? Glad I still have a sense of humor!
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No, BIL, we don’t want the money we’re owed to be paid to us through Venmo. You’re in your 60’s. Write us a check, Boomer.
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After a month of eating and drinking with wild abandon, I was sure I’d be up weight-wise, but a week home and I’m down 3 lbs from pre-trip. By the PS appt I should be below the weight limit.
Now if only you’d be serious about your health as well. Your Medicare supplement gives you a gym membership and your excuses are starting to sound a little lame.
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“Detrimental” and “integral” – the latter comprising what you imply – are not synonyms.
Reading and English education are important.
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Why am I glued to the Met Gala red carpet?
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Dear Healthcare Providers,
I called all of you last Friday in an attempt to find out how much money I’d be required to plunk down tomorrow morning for my 2 invasive GI cancer screening procedures at the hospital. Nobody could tell me anything. None of you even knew if there was an approve prior auth on file or not. All of you kept telling me to call other phone numbers and nobody actually had any useful information.
Also, your ‘pre-check-in nurses’ were supposed to call me. Nobody did. I HAD TO CALL YOU to get my “here’s your instructions of what to do and what not to do before you show up tomorrow” information. FRUSTRATING!
Then somebody from the billing office called and guess what? Now you want over $2100 from me. Pay today or else you can’t have the cancer screening tests tomorrow. WTH!!!
THIS IS WHY I CALLED ALL OF YOU LAST FRIDAY!
I am SO STRESSED OUT about these tests tomorrow. The least you could do is give me MORE THAN 24 HOURS NOTICE THAT I HAVE TO HAVE MORE THAN 2 GRAND IN DOUGH ON HAND TO GIVE TO Y’ALL…SO THAT I CAN HAVE TESTS TO MAKE SURE THAT I DON’T GET THE TYPE OF CANCER THAT KILLED MY MOTHER!
MOTHER TRUCKER, SON OF A BATMAN, I AM SO MAD AT ALL OF YOU PEOPLE!
Your organization wants to improve the end to end patient experience? Improve the billing end of it before the patient even gets there. seriously. When you send me a patient survey at the end of all this? I’m going to give all of you a really big piece of my mind.
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