<p>Son was home for Thanksgiving. I got used to having him around for an entire week and loved pampering him.</p>
<p>Why is it harder to say goodbye this time? Was it because it dawned on me that he will never be home permanently again?</p>
<p>AnotherMom, if there is one thing that I have learned from my 22 year old (who has spent 2+ years living on his own, often in distant cities) – its’ that they always come back. Maybe not “permanently”… but they are always in and out, often at the most inconvenient times. They will call when they are sick or in trouble or need money… and as they grow older it will occur to them to call and ask your advice or opinion even when it is not a crisis. As soon as they have to support themselves in the real world, they will suddenly realize that food is always free at their parent’s home – and that moms can always be cajoled into picking up the tab for any outing. </p>
<p>So maybe you are feeling a sense of poignancy at the realization that your relationship is forever changed… but I can assure you that as long as you are on good terms with your child, he will never be out of your life. What you will find over time is that you will have a very different and potentially far more interesting and enjoyable relationship with a young adult.</p>
<p>AnotherMom2009:
I hear ya’! I thought it was hard today seeing him off at the airport. He just seems so grown up. How did the time go by so fast???</p>
<p>AMom, we’re not as many laps around the track as CalMom but just put our D on the plane early this morning after her second T-day home. So far, they do keep coming back and liking it. D even surprised me by saying that she liked having “pawents” again. She also says there’s some out of sight, out of mind at play…at college, she’s generally working so hard that she doesn’t have time to miss us. Given what I know of her schedule on the macro level, I find this totally believeable.</p>
<p>AnotherMom, Thank you so much for posting this! (I thought I was alone in that sentiment.) It is definitely harder (for me) with this second leaving. The familiarity of her presence has suddenly, cruelly, vanished. (At least we could build up to the idea over the length of the summer.) But I’m comforted that she wants to spend as long a time as possible at home over the holidays.</p>
<p>TheDad, I loved your sharing this we us: really sweet. And I agree that the busy schedules of our “kids” make <em>conscious</em> sorrow less apparent. But it’s there, I’m convinced.</p>
<p>for sharing your perspectives and for making me feel that it’s okay to be sad.</p>
<p>Saying goodbye the first time was difficult, but bearable. Visiting S on Parents’ Weekend was fine. But now the house seems so quiet and empty.</p>
<p>It’s as if time stopped for a week, and life rewound back to pre-college days. It was just so wonderful to get a kiss and to hear a “Good night. I love you, Mom.” I haven’t had all that for three months, and now I’m used to it again. </p>
<p>Bedtime will be hard tonight.</p>
<p>AMom2009, as you can see, you’re not alone. I think it’s especially hard for families where the student is airplane-distance. Our DS brought his roommate with him, which was a great opportunity to get to know him. It is different than when he is home alone with us, though. I’m looking forward to the Christmas break, but I also know that he will probably be restless without the excitement of school. Oh, well, that’s life.</p>
<p>SJMom, just wait until S breaks the monotony by bringing his fiance home.</p>
<p>I am put in mind of this because D and one of her best hs friends, attending a different college, were talking about the number of older college girls getting engaged. Of a potential wedding, D’s friend said that she had it all planned except for the groom. Ulp.</p>
<p>I’ve been grumpy all afternoon, since seeing S off at the airport. The first Thanksgiving home was wonderful and I miss him already. He was in such a good mood all weekend, despite being sick for the first two days. I got to mother him and hear all of his stories. He’s just not as forthcoming and enjoyable over the phone or email. Bleh. This is hard. :(</p>
<p>Exactly. (“…now that I’m used to it again.”) Not fair. 
Sad bedtime for me, too, An.M.</p>
<p>I’m feeling for all of you at those sad bedtimes. I guess the silver lining to <em>not</em> flying S home to CA from MA for a 3-day Thanksgiving visit this year is that I’m not having the flashback from August when he left the first time. I can imagine how hard it is to do: many hugs all around…</p>
<p>I’d like to second what Calmom said. Our 23-year-old D, who lives and works across the river in Brooklyn, came home to “visit” Thanksgiving eve with a throat so sore and swollen that we spent the evening in an immedicenter, to find out she has mono. So I spent the break taking care of her as she camped out on our couch, hardly able to swallow spit, much less turkey (but still entertaining Grandma and assorted other relatives from across the room–thought about canceling dinner, but in the end didn’t.) I got a few days of buying her slurpies from 7-11, making noodle soup when she was up for it, watching old movies together, and overall, getting to be a Mom to her. </p>
<p>Really, it never ends. And that’s pretty great.</p>
<p>garland, hope your daughter is feeling better. What a shame to be sick on Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>AnotherMom, I know exactly what you mean. My son had been gone since late August, and I had gradually gotten used to the quiet around here. Then he was back, and I was enjoying so very much the sound of trumpet playing, our long discussions, even his joking insults. But I just had a few short days and suddenly he was gone again. It just didn’t seem fair. At least I know Christmas break is coming soon, and he will be home for almost four weeks then! Oh, joy of joys! (I don’t even want to think about how I will feel the first week of January!!)</p>
<p>Susan, thanks, she’s starting to feel better. Main worry is she’d started a new job last week, had to leave halfway through the day Wed., was supposed to work this weekend, and is hoping she still has a job when she gets back tomorrow. </p>
<p>I think she’ll feel pretty poorly for a weeks, but she needs to pay the rent!</p>
<p>I didn’t expect to feel so lost after dropping D off at the airport. When she went off to colelge in August, I went with her and we set up the room, and I returned home thinking I would be very sad. I wasn’t. I think it was because of her excitement, getting into the school that really did fit her, and the daily contact. But this time, I think it finally hit me that the initial excitement is gone, and I found myself saying “when you get back home” meaning college. I suddenly saw her as a guest in her own home, and realized that college was now her home, not this house. But returnign to an empty house really hit me hard this time - the realization that this is the way it was going to be from now on.</p>
<p>Well, D’s bedroom is still emphatically hers and she’s got shelves filled with her books in both upstairs and downstairs bookcases, as well as territorial markings of books and just plain junk in the dining room. She claims she now has three homes: here, her college house, and her old ballet school.</p>
<p>Dogs seem to take it harder. My dog will be 11 in February and her health has declined since I moved out in August. Since I’m coming back I hope it will help my old puppy. Without any siblings I’m closer to my dog than most people. At least I know I’ll be there if anything happens.</p>