Scared for my life! What should I do?

[apav11]

<p>Hello everyone,</p>

<p>I have a CC account, but for the life of me I don't remember it so I just created a new one. I'm sorry if this is in the wrong forums so if it is please tell me which this goes in and I will delete and put this in the other forum. </p>

<p>First let me say this is a long plea for help. I will be describing my backround story and what's happening now. I am asking you to please help because I really can't take this being scared for my future anymore...</p>

<p>I'm seriously at whits end here and I need desperate help. So here it is(PLEASE READ ALL OF IT):</p>

<p>I am a Sophmore at Pepperdine. I am from Ny. I came here with high hopes but they were crushed, badly. </p>

<p>I came with a 3.86 gpa from honors/college classes in high school. I am now at a 2.034 gpa (barely passing) and was in academic probation once. </p>

<p>First semester was the awful, 1.5 gpa. I almost killed myself with all the stress. I'm not sure what happened. I was so looking forward to studying abroad in Switzerland my sophmore year... Not only was I denied that opportunity, I feel like I will never be able to go. </p>

<p>Second semester is honestly the best I've had yet. I came close to failing a class, but thankfully I got a B- on the final and he made that a course grade. I got a 3.2 gpa, but it still wasn't enough to bring it up for a 2.5 to study abroad. </p>

<p>Summer was the absolute worst. I took summer classes with hopes that I'd do better because a lot of the topics were taken out of the course for the short time period. Well, I was foolish. I got a WP on my first course, and an F on my second. And not only that, I couldn't face my parents to tell them I wasn't going abroad, so I didn't talk to them for an entire month. It was hell, and I have never endured such stress before, hiding so many secrets. Of course I finally told them, but so much money was wasted with me that I feel like an awful human being.</p>

<p>This semester is a little different. I'm taking 4 courses, and I'm thinking 3 of them will be A's and B's. The last one will either be an F or if I am lucky with my paper and a final it will be a D-. </p>

<p>I seriously do not know what to do at this point. At the beginning of the semester I let my mom see all my grades, and we promised that this semester would be a "clean slate" and that the past wouldn't bother her. She's kept her promise, but I've dishonored mine it seems. It looks like I'll be getting around a 2.5 gpa this semester. </p>

<p>I'm not a bad person, but I honestly feel like the black sheep of the family. My Dad didn't go to college and you know what he's been doing the past 30 years? Sheet metal workers union. Recently he was laid off from that and now teaches crane operation classes on saturday at the union and on the weekdays works graveyard shifts carrying bags of concrete all over the tri-state area. I don't want to be a college drop out, but I have no idea how to remedy the situation. </p>

<p>And here's even more reasons (besides grades) that make my life more miserable and bring me to tears.</p>

<p>1.) I don't mind being away from my family, but the more I come out here to fail, the more stale being so far away gets. I've never been homesick before, but I'm actually starting to feel it. </p>

<p>2.) I have a loving girlfriend, and I may be 19 but I could see myself spending many years ahead with her, if not the rest of my life. She's perfect for me, and every time I leave her, it gets so much harder for both of us. I'm not sure how much more I can go on like this, or more importantly how much she can.</p>

<p>3.) This is not a real university in any sense of the word. There is no college spirit, the population is tiny, there are no parties, the cafeteria food is repetitive and disgusting, the administration and faculty are oppressive and despite their boasting of forming personal relationships with your professors, that's just a big lie. Furthermore, the religious aspect is suffocating, the constant religious themes, the mandatory convocations in which I never have time to attend, they're all terrible. After getting past the scenery I have decided that I hate being at this school, and I was a fool to come here. I thought the religious aspects were easy to avoid (me being not so religious myself) and the lack of a social life was bearable. I am a big fool, and not only in academics. </p>

<p>4.) Job wise, I'd rather be looking in NYC than LA. I'm an international business major, seems like there's a lot more opportunities back home. But I'm getting ahead of myself. </p>

<p>5.) Speaking of my major, I have no idea what I want to do with it yet. I'm not even sure its the major for me, I don't really like the business aspect, more of the language and the international part. But I feel like business is my ticket in order to pursue that kind of career. I don't even know about my major yet, because this university is making me take a million stupid ge's for courses I'm not interested in, I've only gotten to do calculus and business computing (which is somewhat relevant to my major).</p>

<p>The only good thing that has came out of this experience is that I learned a little responsibility. During this semester I've gotten a lifeguarding job and am working 20 hours a week. </p>

<p>So I've been doing a lot of thinking about my options. I'm not sure what I can do, but here are some ideas.</p>

<p>1.) I transfer to a state school or another private university close to me like Adelphi, CW Post, Dowling, or even Suffolk CC. I'm not sure what schools will accept me with that gpa though. I'd rather them look at my high school gpa because I was way more active in clubs and sports and academics than I am in college. And it showed. Here I'm just buried in books and stress. It's better to get a higher gpa in an lesser school than a low gpa in a top 50 school right?</p>

<p>2.) I take a year off, maybe find a job at home, get my priorities realigned and figure out what I'm gonna do then.</p>

<p>3.) I'm not sure if this is even possible but maybe I can take my junior year at a different school and come back as a senior here? So that would involve taking a year off from my school and taking it somewhere else? </p>

<p>4.) This option I do not want to do, but I may have to. Stick it out here and maybe take summer school at another school when I'm home?</p>

<p>The problem with options #1-3 as well is my mom and money. I feel like my mom is a little ignorant when it comes to these things. She feels like transferring (I've brought it up before) is a bad thing and I shouldn't even think about doing it. She would most likely want me to stick it out here but I don't think that's possible anymore. She jumps to conclusions and assumes all my other options are like giving up. I can't even begin to explain how my mother works, but it's hard to convince her to do anything else once we have this planned. Another factor is money. I'm at Pepperdine on some pretty steep financial aid. She's already used this as an excuse, she's not sure how we'll do it at another school. Actually, if I do transfer, I'm not even sure if she'll be willing to pay anymore. </p>

<p>I feel so hopeless, I really need help. Can you guys help me? Whats my best course of action? I really am miserable here. Waking up everyday scared for my life and my future is not a good feeling, especially hiding all this from my mom (she knows everything up to this semester). It is suffocating me, I need to get away, I need to find myself somewhere else and hope my mom is happy with my decision in the end. </p>

<p>Thanks for reading this, and please, I'm begging you for help. Thank you.</p>

[brooklyngirlie1]

<p>Well I don't have the answer to all your quesstions but I will give you my opinon .... tranfer into a suny (new york state school) because one the tution is lower and too many people have said that they felt more like themself there I just finished applying to my suny schools and there is still more time if you intrested </p>

<p>I understand that college can be stressful but sometime it really is where you are that has the greatest impact on you. You sound like a smart kid but maybe you were not prepared for college life at that school suny and even cuny schools would be you best bet</p>

<p>Sent from my T-Mobile G1 using CC App</p>

[SnowflakeVT]

<p>Yes, I agree with the above poster ... if you are from NY, see what it takes to transfer to a SUNY closer to your family. Your change of life to the college structure from your home environment may not have been the best situation for you, especially if you have a serious girlfriend at home and you are not feeling like the culture there is a good fit. You're clearly capable, but these other issues are preventing the balance you need to stay ahead of challenging academics. Regarding your major, if you don't know what you want to do with business, maybe you need to slow down even further and consider going to school after taking a semester or 2 off to get some experience as a paid intern in a business situation. It's hard to stay motivated through challenging courses if you don't have a vision how it will pay off with a job you like. If you get a job relating to business in some way, you can start to figure out what aspects of business really interest you so you can connect better with your major. If you can find the passion or connection, then you may want to take a semester or 2 off to re-balance yourself, be closer to your family and girlfriend, and once you are re-balanced, re-establish what you want to study. A change in major may be the ticket to re-invigorating you, but don't change majors until you address the life balance that seems to be off right now due to the college culture you are in now.</p>

[Dapo91]

<p>Honestly man, I feel the exact same way, my life started to go down hill after I stopped rushing for a fraternity in college. the whole process was life draining and i quit because i felt overwhelmed. unfortunately when you quit while mid-rushing you get frowned upon by everyone on campus and you lose a lot of self-confidence in your self because you start to feel like a coward. I started to get depressed and would pummel myself endlessly to the point of suicide, not to mention my GPA dropped to a 2.1 because I literally lost focus of academics. Now i realize i really want to be a doctor but i don't think i have the gpa or credentials and i dont know how to break it to my parents. I will tell you one thing sulking around and feeding in to your fears wont get you anywhere. you gonna have to suck and build your house from scratch. I know I could do it and so can you but you gotta feed your inner warrior. Best of luck :)</p>

[Joan52]

<p>Pepperdine is a tough school for a NY'er. My first bf went there and counted the days to leaving. </p>

<p>You should probably go for Suffolk CC because you won't get into a SUNY 4 year at this point. You might have to go non-matric at first at SCC but if you can get your act together, it has a great Honors program and will help you transfer when you're ready. It's also not a campus with a dorm but it's a LOT cheaper than Post, Adelphi or Dowling. You would likely not get into Stony Brook.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

[Rojonori]

<p>Looks like a transfer might be your best bet.</p>