You can testify to the court. Also, before long it will be apparent to your teachers (no mater how indifferent they are) that you are sleep deprived o that something is wrong wit you. If you feel you can’t trst the counselor, how about the school principal? (If your counselor gossiped in that way, that is a violation of the professional code of ethics for counselors.)
How did it come about that a social worker visited you? Was there fallout from you parents?
^sorry about te typos…my computer keys are sticking…
Can you live with a friend? In my community, a student (also Asian) was experiencing a similar situation at home. He was friends with my neighbor’s son and often spent the night, just for a sleepover. Once a week on Fridays soon turned into the entire weekend and soon spilled into the weekdays. Before long, he just refused to go home. His host family (my neighbors) talked it over with him and decided to call child protective services (the mom is actually a school counselor in another district, so she’s a mandatory reporter). The student now lives with my neighbors.
@inthegarden I’m not sure if it’s worth it to try to essentially fire my counselor, especially because she’s leaving at the end of the semester for maternity leave. I came to CPS because I told my counselor last year in Massachusetts what was happening, and she called for an investigation. They just ended up recommending we go to group therapy, but that never happened. My parents just got even angrier at me.
@brantly I wish I had friends near me lol
@brantly, good idea, except I think a factor in this is OPs isolation. He just moved several states away to a small town and doesn’t have any developed relationships. Being a new minority/immigrant family in a small town in the Midwest is not the easiest situation even with supportive parents.
Surprised that since OP lives in a small apartment no neighbors have called the police.
I’m sure there was a lot of arguing and Asians tend to get loud in their screaming matches (personal experiences-we tend to be loud at times and slightly obnoxious, but my son would tell me to take a hike if I tried to be like OP’s parents). At that point, neighbors should have called.
The counselor’s attitude seems wrong since school officials are mandatory reporters and can’t divulge personal information. It would be a breach of state and federal law.
Sorry to hear that you are left with so few options. If it’s any consolation, you are not alone. One of the counselors at my son’s school pled with all the parents at a school meeting to ease up on their kids because she had some kids sobbing and breaking down in her office from the strain of parents and overwork. Your counselor sounds unprofessional, so I agree that if your school has a psychologist you should meet with them, or find another trusted adult. You need to focus on your mental health and getting enough sleep is a part of that.
Just remember that you won’t be stuck in this situation forever and there are many teens like you who can’t wait to escape their unsupportive parents.
I am so sorry for you, @honeymustard. If you need to sleep at school, just go ahead and do it. Your parents are completely misguided.
You need to spend more time away from home. Join some ECs at school. Reach out to a sympathetic teacher - you need an outlet away from home and someone trustworthy to confide in.
Look into summer boarding programs for academically advanced students. http://precollege.indiana.edu/program-list/index.shtml Seriously, you need a break from your parents. (Tell them that many American HS students enhance their college resumes with an academic summer camp, so hopefully they will allow it.)
So sorry to hear about ur parents, @honeymustard, they DO need some therapy! These r not normal behaviors. I would hope that you could talk to your school teachers and have their inputs and influence over your parents. Many Chinese of your parents generation grew up with strong esteem of teachers, so, set up a meeting between ur parents and ur school teachers/hopefully principle to discuss ur situation, maybe, just maybe, ur parents will listen to their advices more.
How is your school nurse? My daughter has some health issues and has found support in her nurses for all kinds of things. The summer program sounds like a great idea, as does looking at Purdue university. It’s a highly regarded school.
Hugs to you OP. I have friends whose daughter was a good not great student. They are a Korean family and wanted the daughter to be exceptional ( she wasn’t). She was also in a high level school. They also moved cross country and wanted the daughter to repeat a grade so she could get all A’s. From the outside, I could tell she is a great girl. Kind, filled with love and compassion and will lead a good life. She is not going to Stanford, however. The parents without realizing it, are putting ideas in her head that she is not good enough. To them, being immigrants and having to work incredibly hard to get a good education was the norm. They did it so they expect the same from their child. What they haven’t realized is, their daughter is an American and they are Korean-American with all that entails. I love this family but they are hurting their child with the stress. You cannot make someone an A student. Please get any help you need from school staff, counselors, anyone who will reach out to help you. Before you know it, you will be in college. You will find your way in the world. Perhaps, you may even understand down the road why your parents drove you so hard. You could try talking to them ( again and again) in a calm voice. I think any sane parent would listen to their child who was crying for help. IF they yell and scream ignore them. They cannot make you do anything. I would tell them you are going to do your best and they need to step back. One day you will realize that you cannot change some people, they have their strengths and weaknesses. In this case, the problem is theirs. Do not accept it as your own. You are your own person and have the right to do your best and not be harassed. You also have the right to be left alone. Maybe you could speak to one of your parents alone about this. Or even better have a family member tell them that what they are doing is wrong. There must be someone who can put them under the microscope a bit especially if they are so conscious of keeping up with status.
Please find some adult at your school who will listen and be compassionate. There has to be someone. Talk to the principal, an assistant principal, school nurse, or teacher. You need someone else on your side, even if they are not able to convince your parents to change their ridiculous expectations. As others have said, that amount of sleep is very unhealthy, especially when you are dealing with symptoms of depression. Can you show them some research on sleep in teenagers? They will not like the effect of sleep deprivation on your mental health and then your lower grades. Could you ask one of your parents to take you to a doctor as someone else suggested? If they say no, you could lie and say it is so the doctor will prescribe a medication to help you stay awake longer. Then, when you are talking to the doctor, he/she can hopefully talk some sense into your parents. Hang in there. You will be free of them one day and able to live your life without that unhealthy control.
One good thing is that you are in a state with good public schools. Purdue and IU are both schools that will be considered successful admits in the local community. As for the rest, do your best to make college less a financial burden so they can brag about your responsibility and I initiative.
@honeymustard: Hello, how are you doing? Are you hanging in there? Were you able to talk to someone? Find a safe place to escape the low grade terror you’re living through? (This is an expression I learned yesterday BTW by a very dignified woman who was abused and wanted to explain why it’s hard to escape, but you can.)
I’m an honorary Asian parent (wife is Asian, I’m European). Regarding the humanities aspect, I have one question to ask. In the ‘field’ of humanities there are lots and lots of different areas, from creative writing to sociology to psychology and so on. Have you demonstrated significant interest and achievements in one or more of them - as an example, National History Day, or acing every AP & IB history class ever created. Parents may be easier to convince if they see that their student actually puts in far more than required to get an A because they actually like the subject.
My heart goes out to you. Have your parents read this article:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/andrew-lam/a-hidden-tragedy-mental-i_b_5359924.html
If you ever feel physically threatened call 911.
Hi everyone, I just wanted to thank you again for your support. My parents aren’t letting off but I guess I’ll be leaving in a few years so it shouldn’t be too bad anyways.
Hi @honeymustard, I’m glad you came back. We are all (I feel sure) rooting for you. How much sleep are you allowed to get these days? I hope more than three or four…your mind and body will burn out at that rate. How are things?
@inthegarden thanks for asking! I still get like four hours but it’s not too bad considering that we don’t do anything in four of my classes so I just end up sleeping through them… so I guess that adds up to 8? lol
@inthegarden thanks for asking! I still get like four hours but it’s not too bad considering that we don’t do anything in four of my classes so I just end up sleeping through them… so I guess that adds up to 8? lol