<p>Tomorrow my son finishes his Junior year of high school. Although he is very, very bright and a fine young man, he falls well short of his potential because he is incredibly scatterbrained and disorganized with his schoolwork. He is usually wide-eyed and breathless about being late, or nearly late, turning in an assignment or writing a paper or studying for an exam. And when it’s not that, it’s being dejected because he’s four days behind and utterly overwhelmed.</p>
<p>Fortunately, he has enough natural talent that he gets good (not great, but good) grades in spite of his inability to get his act together. And his test scores are very high and his extracurricular activities many and varied, so I’m not worried that he won’t get into a good college.</p>
<p>The thing that worries me is how much it worries me! I get mentally exhausted just hearing about his troubles at school. I’ve tried for years to help him get better organized, to learn how to plan his time, etc., but it’s as though his brain just isn’t wired for it. I’ll be so glad when high school is over!</p>
<p>That’s all. Just wondering if anyone else has the same experience, and maybe some tips for letting go and not worrying so much about it. (Which is getting harder, by the way, the closer we get to submitting college applications!) (Yes, I said we, not he. You can see part of my problem here…I’m too involved!)</p>
<p>You’ve got my sympathies because we’re dealing with the same problem here. S is just now “cramming” for his AP Stats when he had months to study with a group. He is doing poorly in chem and if he gets a D, may possibly miss his sr. yr in band because he’ll have to retake it. He’s stressed out and so am I. </p>
<p>I’m at my wit’s end. His GC says he’s ok but with a class of 715, he probably looks like a genius to them. Lots of potential that’s gone nowhere…is it too late? I don’t know. He’s had us on a rollercoaster for 3 yrs now. </p>
<p>I’d like to look into independent studies next yr to get him through hs and be done with it. I should’ve done it a long time ago. He will do well in college once he gets there - but he needs to learn how to be organized before we send him on to college. DH is already talking about doing a yr or two in jr. college. I don’t feel good about that.</p>
<p>My S2 is a senior and will graduate this year with college plans. It has been no picnic though! He too was a good student -very strong test taker- good gpa until 11th grade when the stakes were higher. Lots of APs etc, He is by nature disorganized and a procrastinator. After much heartache and lots of school accomodations we realized that he is prone to anxiety related to stress and since he couldn’t keep it together with regard to school performance he fell apart… After seeking professional help I have come to understand that my S2 has trouble with executive function skills-which are brain based skills. I took several books out of the library and the best one by far is called Late, Lost, and Unprepared - a parent’s guide to executive dysfunction. I felt like they were writing about my son. Bottom line is that my son is going to college with merit aid but the most important thing is that the school offers intense support which include weekly time management assistance and monitoring of how he is doing. get this book today -you may be able to implement some strategies now before it gets too out of control. Also look in your area for nueropsychologists who do both testing for executive dysfunction and treatment. Unfortunatly I got very little help from the schools over the years. good luck to you both! pm me if you would like.</p>
<p>i second the book late lost and unprepared…gives you at least the support that you are not the only one out there and at best some great tips on how to deal and help your child deal with this problem</p>
<p>One of my kids has some of those qualities, and she has mild ADHD. I think it is a contributing factor! She has been able to get along without medication (mostly due to that same dose of natural academic talent it sounds like your son has). But if the problem is interfering with his life, it would be worth checking out. Many people with this diagnosis don’t figure it out until they are adults; I don’t think it ever goes away, a lot of people just develop better coping mechanisms as they get older. And some start medication as adults.</p>
<p>Boys (and men) stop hearing any speaker when too many words are used to explain the topic or the question at hand. They just get bored with all the unimportant minutia and mentally drift away before hearing the actual question, (if it is ever asked). I think this is the major problem with the female dominated education system we have today.</p>
<p>toblin, I totally agree with you. I saw a marked change between elementary school and jr. high where he was expected to spend most of the day in his seat (tuning in and out.) S is definitely a kinesthetic learner and learns best by doing. That explains why he hated piano lessons but hung on just long enough to learn how to read and write music. He then taught himself how to play 4 instruments. While I feel part of the problem is the system - there are still other males who thrive and succeed. It makes me frustrated to know that S, who started out as a great student and tests well doesn’t possess the skills to fit into this learning environment. I feel that instead of trying to fit this square peg into this round hole, I should have been looking for a square hole (another school w/a different approach.)</p>
<p>so true… we left an expensive school taught by older women for a public charter staffed by young men and what a difference in attitude and achievement for my 2 boys…a different learning environment taught by people who understand you</p>
<p>que sera sera, was your S diagnosed w/the disorder by a professional? I had never heard of it. When I read about executive functioning, I thought that any one I know could say they experience a symptom or three. Would the opposite of this condition be OCD?</p>
<p>My husband was diagnosed with adult ADHD and I know he has a lot of regret that it interfered with his life for so long before he realized what the problem was. There are a lot of non-medical things you can do that can help if it’s not severe–eating healthy and lots of regualr exercise–though dh is not interested in either of those options. :)</p>
<p>lilmom-sons story is long and winding but briefly-he always was disorganized and had trouble with writing in elementary school- He was diagnosed by a sp-lang path with an expressive lang disorder. we got him a writing tutor for 4-6th grades. He did very well 7th through 10th grades but started having sleep issues. It got worse to the point where he could not go to school or focus on work -drs said he was sleep deprived ( ultimately was diagnosed with 3 diff sleep disoders!). Most of 11th and much of 12th grade was shot for him. Nothing really helped until a therapist suggested that the real prob was anxiety poss due to executive dysfunction. the slepping problem was finally undertood to be primarily insomnia. He was diagnosed with ocd although I didn’t see it . ocd is often assoc. with procrastination etc. bottom line is when I read about executive dysf. it seemed to make sense. It is often found in people with ADHD which my son does not have but can be seen in people with anxiety. I don’t qiute know which came first but it doesn’t seem to matter as long as we are now focusing on each the anxiety and the executive skills that he is lacking. Ultimately I took him for a neuro-psych evaluation and it was confirmed. We have also finally taken him to the school district for educational testing just to make sure we are not missing anything -LD-wise. This is the first time in 3 years that things are improving. I believe that we finally have an understanding of what was going on with him. He feel so much more in control now and that things are doable.</p>
<p>The only tip I have is to start working on paper / assignment not before it is due but when it is assigned and priopitize. However, girls are good at it, and boys just too much into staff that they are interested and like to do. I know it, I got them both. He might get better in college if he is going to be doing what he loves. S got better grades in college, because he was doing what he loved from elementary school. Good luck!</p>
<p>the book that I mentioned above is a good source of info. it seemed to recommend going to a neuro-psychologist for evaluation. some in my area also offered on going treatment , some just testing. I had my insurance company find some one in my area who was a provider for my plan. Many were not. Most Dr’s I spoke with said the testing would be anywhere from 4 to 8 hours long all together. I also went on line and googled executive dysfunction. look at this web site: [Kristin</a> S. Kight](<a href=“http://home.comcast.net/~kskkight/]Kristin”>http://home.comcast.net/~kskkight/)
I even called the women and found her very helpful- unfortunately not in my state.</p>