Hi everyone. I dont know if this is the appropriate category to post this under, but I am applying for a scholarship and I really need some feedback on my essay. Any help you can provide will be much appreciated. The question I picked is who or what inspires you. I hope you like it, because that is certainly what I want to hear. Also, the deadline is march 1st. Do you think applying this late will affect my chances?
"I always wondered why my uncle sounded like Elvis Presley every time he spoke in English. I understood that English is not his native language, but then I realized that it was just because he really liked the artist. I reckon everyone does this in one way or another. We all talk like our favorite actors sometimes or think like our favorite public figures. Hence the phrase, “What Would Jesus Do?”. It’s the attributes that we take from our idols that make our personality.
One person I have idolized my entire life is my older brother. My brother and I have always been computer geeks and he taught me all I know about computers, including my first programming language. In addition, my previous math professor showed me and my classmates concepts we never knew existed in calculus. They were just additional ideas he applied when he was in university and this made me want to major in computer engineering, and be able to work on all the technology the world plans to bring us. This brought me to research universities with the finest engineering programs in the world, and lead me to the university my brother graduated from, Iowa State University.
Whilst playing rugby, I have met some influential characters as well. In Jordan, I played with a volunteer doctor from Ireland who was really the hardest, smartest, and most cunning person I have ever played with. He sometimes healed players from the other team during a game, which made everybody look up to him in some sort of way. Another person would actually be another Iowa state alumnus, and one of the “old boys” of my current rugby club, the South Side Irish. Even though he is older than my 41 year old rugby team, he still plays with us from time to time. He made me participate in events I did not have to even as a rookie, like fundraising for my team’s annual Gene Moriarty Scholarship, a scholarship that goes to a high school rugby player to go to one of the Catholic schools in Chicago. It was named after the founder of the club, Eugene Moriarty, who highlighted community service as one of the club’s many requirements. So in addition to the scholarship, I helped in hosting family days, lining out fields for high school teams, and fundraising for other charitable events.
All in all, I believe one thing makes up all the people I was inspired by. It is the fact that they are dedicated to what they do. I decided that I want to be dedicated to what I do no matter what it is. I know that commitment will get me where I want to be, and I think that the rest of my years will be best spent attending Iowa State University and become one of its many successful alumni. "