Score my essay :) and criticize <3

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Should people take actions against their government if the government done something wrong? </p>

<pre><code>Of course being a ruler or president means being a leader of a community of people but honestly, it does not mean this person has overbearing control. If these people practice tyranny, then the people of the community must speak out. People must question the ideas and actions of people in authority to attain democracy.

In history, Martin Luther King Jr. led the fight against discrimination. He knew it was wrong for the U.S. to continue to discriminate. He knew it was wrong for the U.S. to continue to discriminate against African Americans and so he stepped up to the plate and fought against discrimination. His decision to take action against the government is important because it showed the world that racism and discrimination is unethical. He created new hopes for future generations in that they will never have to face such discrimination. He not only helped his people but he helped people of all races. It is because of him that people of all ethnics and culture will never be discriminated against. By questioning and taking action against the government, Martin Luther King Jr. created a new world where people will all love eachother.
</code></pre>

<p>In another part of history, Ghandi led his nation into freedom from the British. The British had taken over India and made it an English colony. For years, Indians did not like this, because the English discriminated against them. As a result, Ghandi stood up to the challenge and led his people to take action against the English government in a peaceful way. In the end, the Indians did attain freedom. Their choice to keep the “war” in a peaceful manner showed that people could do anything without violence. It showed that words are just as powerful as physical fights. Also, the fact that a weak nation stood up against one of the strongest nation in the world proves that anything is possible. Ghandi’s decision to take action against the English government proves to the world that anything is possible. </p>

<p>History has shown the world that questioning the government is in fact important. Without it, how can there be any chance? Without change, the world would be boring, and people will live in a society of nonintellectual beings.</p>

2

<p>7 or 8. I thought you used good examples. Some of the grammar was a little off, including the occasional tense shift. I would try to create a stronger intro/conclusion. The conclusion got a little off topic as it shifted to “non-intellectual beings”. Intro/conclusion can be brief but something just didn’t flow. </p>

<p>But I thought it was ok. Nice job! Is this your first essay? When are you taking the SAT?</p>

<p>:)</p>

3

<ol>
<li>Everything went well until it got to the bad conclusion.</li>
</ol>

4

<p>;o im taking the sat in october! this will be my second one. So i only got 7/8 :(. what can I do to get it to a 12?</p>

5

<p>

</p>

<p>It’s OK. First of all, I only took the test once and got an 11, so don’t worry if it’s not perfect. Even with a 10 essay, you can still get an 800 on the Writing, which is really what’s important. </p>

<p>A few things:

  • Improve vocabulary
  • Revise sentences like this one:

[quote]
Without change, the world would be boring, and people will live in a society of nonintellectual beings. <a href=“The%20reference%20to%20the%20%22nonintellectual%20beings%22%20is%20sort%20of%20off-topic,%20and%20change%20%22will%22%20to%20’would%22.”>/quote</a>

  • Remove run-ons.</p>

<p>Keep practicin’! What did you get the first time on the SAT essay?</p>

6

<p>i got an 8 :(. it was bc my ideas and concepts were too plain. so i started to write with greater analysis and write in depth.</p>

7

<p>Just looking at the essay and not reading the comments, I’m going to guess an 8.</p>

<p>Edit: I was right. :)</p>

<p>For a 12 you need length.</p>

8

<p>7 and 8 is too low, I’d say your is probably a 9. I personally didn’t include any historical examples. Instead, I just wrote 3 personal experiences and still got a 10. Your introduction isn’t very catchy, but sounds more like a conversational speech. Try to include either one strong example or 3 examples and a strong conclusion. Instead of using the word “boring” use, mundane,banal, and etc . And i think the question you posed at the end kind of weakend your conclusion too.</p>

9

<p>The essay is suppose to be a draft. </p>

<p>I used a really bland introduction and got a 12. The only strong points of my essay was the fact that I used 3 strong examples to back myself up and had a conclusion that brought everything together and related it back to the doctor.</p>