score my essay please--responsibility

<p>Is a person responsible, through the example he or she sets, for the behavior of other people?</p>

<p>One day last year Lena Cohen came to school in her pajamas, and within a week, every girl in the tenth grade was wearing pajamas to class. A person’s example greatly affects the behavior of others. Charismatic leaders, such as Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, and Adolf Hitler, were able to take full advantage of that fact–for better or for worse.</p>

<p>Martin Luther King Jr. inspired many Americas of all races to change during the American Civil Rights Movement. Previously hopeless, discriminated African-Americas followed Martin Luther King Jr.'s example of standing up for their rights. He also convinced many once racist white people people to follow his example of seeing past racial differences in people. For setting the example of someone who would peacefully fight for peace and equality, Martin Luther King Jr. is responsible for a great deal of the transition of America form a country of racists to one of peaceful reformers.</p>

<p>Gandhi, like Martin Luther King Jr., was able to change the mindsets of people all over the world by setting a good example. Gandhi believed that violence would only provoke more violence. He used civil disobedience as the means of gaining Indian Independence and an end to much of the violence facing Indians in India and South Africa. He was successful because he set an example of peaceful objection to violence and avoided setting the example of violence. Both Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. are responsible for spreading ideas of peaceful reform all over the world because it was the consequence of million of people’s following their example.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, this method of leadership is not always used to spread peace. Hitler convinced many Europeans to persecute Jews, black people, and other minorities by setting an example of bigotry. People copied his anti0semetic interpretation of Social Darwinism, and other countries followed Germany’s fascist example. Hitler, then, used a similar method to that of Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. for spreading his beliefs–the obvious difference being that Hitler also incorporated violence and intimidation in his method, whereas Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi used only peaceful methods.</p>

<p>People who set examples that others choose to follow share responsibility for the consequences of the behaviors they promote with the people who consciously choose to follow the examples.</p>

<p>It is a pretty weak essay. I think that I would give it an 8.</p>

<p>I think its good, granted that work on your details and conclusion. It is more important to write two body paragraphs loaded with details than three with lesser details. I would keep the MLK and Hitler one because it shows differing aspects and that you can see a argument from both sides. With a better conclusion, I think this would be a really good essay. By the way, why did you add the piece about Lena Cohen? That detracts from the entire essay as you dont refer to it again. </p>

<p>My score- ~9,10/12</p>