Score my Essay please?

<p>Is preparing for the future more important than enjoying the present?</p>

<p>The present is but the result of one’s actions in the past. If one takes those past actions with consideration and forethought, he will come upon a time in his future when he reaps the benefit of those actions. So astute planning will afford him an enjoyable life in the future. Therefore, preparing for future is of utmost importance. </p>

<p>In 1977, Bessi Boehm Moore, enrolled into University of California to get a formal education in her biggest passion, acting. She had played some minor roles in soap operas in her childhood, and had remained fascinated with drama arts ever since. Throughout all four years of college she enjoyed performing on stage, immensely- from supporting roles to fringe characters- she played them all with the most obvious enthusiasm. Her passion was somewhat reflected in her grades and in 1981 Bessi graduated college with a decent academic record. Only then was she faced with the cruel realities of her industry. She was a single mother with the occasional acting gig, who was supporting herself by dancing at a night club. When a year later her son developed a bad case of polio, Bessie had to resort to prostitution to pay for his treatment. Her story would have faded to obscurity had she not subsequently committed the world’s first suicide via overdose on over-the-counter analgesics. Bessie’s sad story tells us of the folly of poor planning for the future and educates us about the naivety of focusing on enjoying the present. </p>

<p>Every actor, however, is not as happy-go-lucky. A notable example is Will Smith. In 1986, Will Smith graduated from Wichita State University. Like Bessie, he too had a passion for acting, but unlike her he had not chosen a college major remotely as unmarketable. He finished his college education with a degree in Business. While in college, he knew that his dream was to be a movie star, yet, against all the temptations, he decided not to gamble with his future by studying acting in college. While he had landed some small parts in TV sitcoms while he was in college, right after college he was not approached with any more acting opportunities. So Will started working as a financial analyst at a local asset management firm. When he was three years into the job, Will was making a lot of money for the firm and himself, and that was when he was offered the starring role in the 1992 TV show, “The Fresh Prince of Bell Air.” Met with what he perceived to be his long awaited break, he quit his day job and took the role. The show proved to be a big hit, and 21 years later, Will Smith is now one of Hollywood’s most successful A-list actors. His careful planning in his pre-college years, ensured that he have a back-up plan should his acting goals fall through.</p>

<p>The stories of both Bessie Moore and Will Smith illustrate the importance of planning for future. Lack of planning can even, as in Bessie Moore’s case, prove fatal. At the same time, shrewd planning like Will Smith’s, could help one diversify the risks of an unfortunate future. Therefore, good judgment dictates that we ascribe more merit to planning for the future than enjoying the present.</p>

<p>Ok. So.
Your introduction is a little weak. Do not use he without an antecedent.“So astute planning will afford him an enjoyable life in the future” sounds really awkward.
Your Examples are really well thought out and explained.
Conclusion makes up for the Introduction. Watch your comma usage though. (1st sentence of paragraph 2 should have a colon not a comma)
Overall, about a 4.
Tighten up the intro and this would easily be 5/6 level.</p>

<p>Yeah I do need to work on my intros… I figured that as well. Thanks!</p>

<p>Agreeing with you both. It almost seems as though the intro was written by a different writer.</p>

<p>from which test did u bring this prompt ?? </p>