Score my essay, s'il vous plait

[bernier93]

<p>Prompt:

Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:

¶People can and will accomplish more and better things when allowed the freedom to do them in their own personally preferred way. Numerous examples from literature, history, an my personal life provide evidence for this fact.
¶In Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Huck is taken in by a widow, who tries to “civilize him”. Huck detests this so-called “civility”. When he becomes seperated from the town and is allowed to live his own way during his adventures with Jim, he not only becomes more happy himself, but also makes others more happy.
¶During the Battle of Gettysburg, Col James Chamberlain was given the command for his regiment, the 20th Maine, to defend the flank. He was not told a specific way to do this, but determined the method himself. It was rather unorthodox when he called for a musket charge after running out of Ammunition, but his actions led to the Union winning at Gettysburg; had he not been allowed to defend the flank in his way, he may have failed.
¶Mathematics is a discipline in which there are often many ways of completing a problem. Too often, I have found that teachers require problems to be done a certain way, even if I do not prefer that method. When I am allowed to use my own prefered method, I will usually complete the problems quicker and thus have more time to accomplish other things.
¶Humans are naturally individuals; no two people do any one thing in exactly the same manner or style. When people are forced to conform to styles which are not for them, they often perform more poorly than they would otherwise. From 19th century novels & battles to general mathmatics, people do indeed accomplish more when allowed to do things their own way.

Personally I’d give it a 9… but I don’t know lol.
I know there’s some grammar and spelling mistakes, but I typed it as accurately as I could to how I wrote it.
Thanks in advance!</p>

[crazybandit]

<p>You need to elaborate more. Do not simply state a plot, and then just say something like “had he not been allowed to defend the flank in his way, he may have failed.” You have to talk about why this is the case. This is where the “reasoning” part of the SAT essay comes in. </p>

<p>In the paragraph about math, you could’ve mentioned how math teachers typically tell you something (like an equation) and don’t explain why it is the case (like how to derive the equation, or visualize it on a graph, in case you forget it on an exam and need to derive it again). Math teachers should explain and use reasoning more. Perhaps you should do the same.</p>

[canbambiswim]

<p>You need to go into more depth. You need more specific details.
Two examples may be better than three in this case.
I’m not good at scoring, so I won’t bother.</p>