Score My Essay?

[rockermcr]

<p>I’m not really happy with this essay, because I struggled to come up with something to write about.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>

<p>Essay:

For centuries, philosophers have thought about human nature. They sought to discover what made humans human. Over the course of their contemplation, they had noticed a wide range of similarities between all people around the world. Through the understanding of others, they sought to understand themselves. This need for others in understanding oneself is evidenced throughout history and literature, and may even be observed through the cultural similarities common to all human beings.</p>

<p>Throughout history, the need for others in order to understand ourselves is evident. After the tragic events of the second world war, many people were left absolutely devastated. However, this gave them a new understanding of humanity. They saw the extent to which humans could be evil, which gave them new comprehension of themselves. Moreover, growing commonalities between nations are showing us that we are all more similar than was previously thought. Thus, the understanding of others would truly lead to the understanding of ourselves.</p>

<p>The evidence of the need for others is present in more than just history. A central theme of Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, a very important novel in American literature, is the understanding of others. Atticus Finch always taught his daughter, Scout, to understand those around her. Living in the southern US in the early 20th century, this was not always easy, and Scout had trouble accepting African Americans. They were “different” and they should not be treated normally. However, as the novel progresses, Scout learns to understand the people around her and to put herself in their shoes. She finds that doing so reveals unknown facets of her personality to her. Thus, others were necessary in her personal quest for self-understanding.</p>

<p>From an anthropological standpoint, humans have very many similarities. A common moral compass is present in all individuals. (For instance, incest, murder, necrophilia, etc. are all frowned upon, and often expressly forbidden, in nearly all cultures.) Furthermore, all humans share a need for freedom and the respect of their rights. These are but a few of the similarities common to all humans. Through understanding of others, we may find that we understand ourselves better. The similarities between us account for this.</p>

<p>The need for others in self-understanding is omnipresent in all areas of human life. History, anthropology, and literature all prove this. No human is an island, and thus the need for others in our quest for self-understanding is evident.

</p>

<p>What do you think? I would really appreciate it if you could give me a concrete score (0-12) in addition to a comment. Thanks!</p>

[apathy]

<p>oh man, I can’t even remember the SAT scoring criteria anymore, but I’d give this a 10-11. Your vocabulary is solid, but you also repeat quite a few words. Your conclusion is excellent, as is your introduction. Your examples work fine, but your tenses in the Mockingbird paragraph are messed up.</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Yeah, the tenses are reeeally bad, but I tend to not pay attention to that kind of thing when I write quickly. And repetition is definitely one of my problems. Thanks for the comment!</p>

<p>Anyone else?</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>No one?</p>

[uttaresh]

<p>I’d give it a 9. Perhaps a 10, tentatively.</p>

<p>[ul]Your examples, though convincing, have not been reasoned adequately enough to support the thesis. It doesn’t explicitly show HOW people understand themselves by looking at others.[/ul]
[ul]In your first example:

Moreover, growing commonalities between nations are showing us that we are all more similar than was previously thought.

You’re saying that we can now see how we are all similar … not how it helps us understand ourselves better. You’re just assuming that knowing how similar we are makes us understand ourselves.[/ul]
[ul]In your second one:

She finds that doing so reveals unknown facets of her personality to her.

You need to elaborate WHAT facets of her personality are revealed. By just asserting this, you’re relying heavily on the assumption that the reader has read To Kill a Mockingbird.[/ul]</p>

<p>Maybe it’s just me, but your first and third examples are a little vague.</p>

[rockermcr]

<p>Yeah, I agree with you. They are pretty vague. At this point, I’m really just shooting for a 10 because it would give me an 800. (I usually don’t make any mistakes in the writing section.)</p>

[steamedrice]

<p>I posted a response to your essay in my topic. :)</p>