Second semester grades down, junior year

<p>I am a frustrated parent, watching my child's grades decline. He basically stopped doing his homework toward the end of the year. He has always had time management issues, with procrastination, but in the past he always pulled through. Now he seems unmotivated and burned out. I am so worried that his college opportunities are evaporating. </p>

<p>I realize that I need to separate my aspirations from his, however I can't get over the feeling of deep disappointment. </p>

<p>Any advice, for me? or him?</p>

<p>I had a son who did this and I feel your pain. I stepped back and realized that he was on his own path, so to speak. I told him that there would be consequences to his actions (ie. he would probably attend a community college) but that as long as everything was at a C or above, it would be fine with me. I put on a happy face and kept my word.... What happened? I had a very happy son and I had a great relationship with him throughout the rest of high school. He went to community college, he played tennis at the community college, he became a scholar athlete at the community college and he transferred after one year to his dream university. Since then, he has just excelled and will be graduating next January. I was so worried about him but everything did turn out just fine. I believe everyone is different and some kids just mature at a different rate. If you have to be hovering over your child or fighting with your child to get "good grades" then perhaps they aren't ready to go to a 4 year university. They will achieve and excel when they are ready and when they know what they want to do. It's all part of the process. For the record, I have three kids. This son, a daughter who finished just shy of valedictorian and went to a 4 year university right out of high school and another son who is graduating class rank #1 tomorrow with a 4.8 and going to Berkeley with an academic scholarship. They all were so different but they all ended up in the same place. Good luck to you.</p>

<p>Thanks, Momfirst3. I hear people say this, to back off and let the kid manage himself. I am worried that he will get worse, and I won't be doing my job. I love hearing the happy endings, like your son's.</p>

<p>This is my first child, and I probably hover too much. He has natural academic ability, so things come easily to him. I feel that he is missing the work ethic, and I have failed to inculcate that in him.</p>

<p>The son I was referring to was my oldest child too. I feel like I am listening to my own story when I read your posts. I felt EXACTLY the same way. My son is also very bright. He drove me nuts. I would say, "Honey, there's a few weeks in the semester left. Could you try now, please?" and he would get A after A after A and finish with a B/C in the class. I was so frustrated because I just couldn't seem to get through to him. Letting go was the most difficult part of parenting for me. Remember, I still had standards that he had to maintain. I just stopped fighting over A's, B's and C's. I had a hard time with the concept of punishing someone for being an "average" student.... Of course, I knew that he was not of average intelligence but he didn't want to strive for the highest grades. There was no guarantee of a happy ending. In the end, I just felt that it was more important to maintain a solid relationship (I didn't want to fight all the time) and let him decide the path he wanted to take. He still doesn't strive for the top grades. He does well but has no desire to get straight A's. However, that personality that led him to have such a hard time "just studying" in high school is his strongest attribute. He's served three internships and has connections all over the place. haha... I always knew that personality of his would come in handy. I have a feeling that you did a fine job parenting. He's just not buying it right now. He will, but in his time, not yours. That's tough, isn't it? It was for me. Stay strong, focus on the good qualities of your child, set minimum standards, and enjoy your child... Trust me, as my youngest graduates, I realize time goes by in the blink of an eye and it's just too darn short to fight over grades.</p>