<p>A very close high school/college friend is getting married soon. It’s her second wedding, the groom’s first. I haven’t seen her in 15+ years, however she did introduce me to my husband in high school and was my maid of honor. We’ve stayed in touch off/on these years with facebook & email. We are not able to attend the wedding due to a scheduling conflict and it’s in the center of the US. </p>
<p>I’ve searched the standard registries and don’t see them registered, which is not surprising, as they are both over 50. Should I feel obligated to send a gift or just a nice card with a personal not. (her first wedding was the a huge event when she was in her early 20s, however the marriage lasted only 2-3 years).</p>
<p>A nice card with a personal note would be very appropriate; a gift is not required.</p>
<p>Here are a couple of ideas based on gifts that I received when I remarried 4 years ago that I appreciated:</p>
<p>A screen grab of one of the best photos of the couple from her Facebook page, enlarged and framed.
Does she have charities she’s interested in that would appreciate a donation in her name?<br>
An assortment of wine from areas that are meaningful to the couple, if they travel (and drink).</p>
<p>Personal note with a nice card, perhaps a gift certificate to a nice restaurant if you want to do something more. (restaurant, movie gift card, theatre gift certificate, etc)</p>
<p>We are attending the second wedding of a a close friend/co-worker this weekend. We attended his first wedding 25 years ago too. Both he and his intended are well paid professionals. I was taken aback that the invitation did not include the phrase “no gifts please.” Would a $100 gift certificate to a restaurant be an acceptable gift?</p>
<p>It is never polite to include the phrase “no gifts please”. You are not required to send a present of any sort, but a gift certificate would be a lovely gift, but you could also just do a nice bottle of champagne or somthing similar.</p>
<p>Why is it impolite to say no gifts? Not heard that before. </p>
<p>I admit I am one who gives gifts , so in this situation I might send a bottle of wine or make a donation somewhere they would appreciate in honor of their wedding. Or you could frame their wedding invitation and send it to them.</p>
<p>I have never and will never consider it impolite to receive an invitation which states no gifts please. When we get such an invitation, I provide a nice card and sometimes write about donating to a charity I know the honoree is fond of (like one where he has been an officer etc).</p>
<p>Agree that if not told no gifts, would provide a gift for the happy couple–gift card or something else I feel might be appreciated.</p>
<p>Lololu is correct. Technically it is not considered polite to make any reference at all to gifts on an invitation, even No Gifts. For one thing, you not are supposed to be thinking of gifts in the first place. For another, gifts are always voluntary on the part of the giver, with no entitlement on the part of the receiver. </p>
<p>We usually do send a gift on the occasion of second weddings.</p>
<p>Miss Manners has long said that “No Gifts, Please” should not be included anywhere on a wedding invitation. The thinking is that the bride & groom should not be seen as ■■■■■■■■ for gifts.</p>
<p>I agree - it’s not offensive to us to see “no gifts”. </p>
<p>We often give crystal votive/candle holders for wedding gifts. (For a first wedding we’d also add a gift card or check). It’s a good choice because small and easy to store… and no biggie if they already have some.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone would truly think it “offensive” though it’s not technically correct. OTOH, I think it’s out of place to be “taken aback” by it’s absence, as if no reference to gifts = trolling for gifts. It would be sad if that’s what we’ve come to.</p>
<p>I think rather than it being “fuddy duddy”, Miss Manners is trying to combat the customary gift mentality that has commodified so many occasions in contemporary times.</p>
<p>How I look at it is that if we were invited to dinner, we would always bring flowers or wine, anyway, so we do that: wine, a bottle of champagne. For a couple who does not drink, we put together a really cool exotic spice rack of interesting flavors.</p>
<p>My sister sent a spa certificate when a cousin was getting married for the second time.</p>
<p>Even with “no gifts please,” I would still send something, myself: nice chocolates, artisan candles, whatnot. Just a hostess gift, of sorts.</p>
<p>poetgrl is exactly right. Sending a gift is always an option, as is NOT sending a gift. You should give exactly what feels right to you. There is no one good answer because what feels right depends very much on the occasion. </p>
<p>A good friend married young to a horrible, horrible man – he beat her and their child. She got them out of the situation, lived alone for a number of years, working two and even three jobs to get through. Last year she married for the second time to a man who loves her and her daughter and is genuinely good to her. I gave them a handmade double wedding ring quilt that I made just for them. Maybe too much for some second weddings, but she deserves happiness and great joy in this second wedding.</p>
<p>We recently went to my SIL’s second wedding, and we bought a nice gift without thought for how many weddings the bride had had. It was the grooms first regardless, and SIL had to put together a whole new household. My mom’s wedding to my dad was her second, his first, after she left a man who was beating her and was a danger to her child. She had never had a home of her own to take care of before and needed a lot of things to get her started. I guess this is an area where I just like to mind my own business and give a gift if I feel like giving one. Should you buy someone a gift because you think they need it, or because you want to give them a gift?</p>
<p>I don’t love getting invitations that say “no gifts,” personally. If I felt compelled to give a gift it makes me feel as though my generosity to even consider it is not appreciated. I don’t get upset over it or anything, but it rubs me the wrong way a bit even though I understand the sentiment behind it is in the right place.</p>
<p>I wish gift issues were not so touchy. If you want to give a gift, you do. Unless the bride walks up to you personally and says, “hey, where’s my gift?” why do we need to be offended?</p>
<p>I read the link. Personally, I think it’s bizarre that it’s impolite to say “no gifts please” but perfectly okay to put in a card with the URL of a wedding website that says the same thing.</p>
<p>Older couple, second wedding? Send an experience they can share… Restaurant in a nearby city, museum tickets or membership, a class in something one or both are interested in (I’ve been trying to get my husband to try glassblowing with me, for example)…</p>
<p>Can I ask for gift suggestions? This is the first wedding for the groom, the second for the bride who is long divorced (first H became a drug addict/horrible person). They are living together and have the usual housekeeping items.</p>