<p>^I suppose. Or another scenario could be that this girl is so well-adjusted that she blithely ignores her parents’ talk about the “if only…” schools. She has probably heard the Harvard comments her whole life. Guess the OP will have to answer that one.</p>
<p>To play devils-advocate, mind reader, and a bunch of other roles… I get the sense that the OP is saying that looking back on her college years, her and her husband regret missing out on what are perceived to be advantages of going to an elite school. Small classes, profs that know you, mentoring, interesting discussions with fellow students, name recognition that can help when searching for that first job, networking with future leaders and shakers that also might help out someday. To be honest, thoughts that many of us might share to one degree or another; I certainly do.</p>
<p>So, again in my role as mind reader, I’m thinking that from early childhood her spouse and her were proud of their smart child and vowed that when it came to college if she had a shot at one of those top schools they’d do whatever it took to pay for her to attend. DD was never going to have to give the “coulda been a contender” speech.</p>
<p>On the one hand I think I might understand where she’s coming from. But on the other hand I’d chide her a bit for assuming that these magic things usually happen to kids at elite colleges (assumption number 1) and that they infrequently happen outside of the top few colleges (assumption number 2). Neither of which I think stands up to much scrutiny, and nor do I think the OP has given the whole thing much scrutiny. I’m guessing it was more just a half-formed thought “If Suzy can get to the top we’re behind her 100% and will cheer her on to success after success starting from her days at Top College”, a sadness now enveloping her as she realizes Top College is not in the cards and a belief that from inauspicious beginnings perhaps the rest of the dream crumbles too. All of which, to put it plainly, I see as just a bunch of malarkey.</p>
<p>It would be interesting to know what sort of college the daughter would like to consider or try for.</p>
<p>OP, feel happy that you have a happy girl. I’ve seen several kids with high performance in school and standardized tests, but mentally ill - seriously ILL. I don’t know if those kids can get into “top 20 schools” but I doubt they’ll be able to do well wherever they go, I esp doubt that they’ll be happy in life. Compare to them, your situation is much much better. </p>
<p>Having said that, I have a D junior in HS and hoping to get into “top 20 schools”. She has reasonably good test scores and is a happy kid. We understand it’s completely possible that she may not get into the schools she hopes for. Sure we’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t get in, but it’s perfectly okay. Life goes on. To a large degree, it’s not which school you go into, but how you go to that school matters. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>As other have said, state universities provide good educations. If a moderately less selective LAC or private school will provide a better fit for the OP’s D at an acceptable price for the parents well and good, but the state flagship is not necessarily a last resort to be avoided at all costs.</p>
<p>50 members of my D’s 2012 HS class matriculated to our state flagship, including D. Sounds a bit like OP’s description, doesn’t it? However, the freshman class size was 5,000 students, thus members of D’s HS class constituted a tidy 1%. I suspect if OP’s D does matriculate to the state U she will inevitably meet lots of new people despite the presence of some HS classmates, and the fact that it’s her family alma mater.</p>
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<p>Reminds me of the multipage thread about a parent whose kid’s first choice was the nearby state flagship – which was an excellent academic fit for him, easily affordable, and likely a safety (or low match at worst) for admissions. What more can a parent ask for? But the thread was about trying to get him to add other schools to his list…</p>
<p>Far worse is when the kid fixates on dream schools that s/he has very little chance of admission, or which are very likely to be too expensive, and considers anything that could possibly be an affordable safety to be a big letdown.</p>
<p>OP - It’s good you post. It helps you sort through the feelings. </p>
<p>I had similar extraordinarily bright youngster DD. In HS she had great scores (NMSF) but plummeting GPA in hard IB courses. I would have done almost anything to trade for your situation.</p>
<p>DS had near-perfect stats, great hs years with many interesting ECs. We were very proud. But I’ll admit that sometimes I wish he were at nearby State flagship like many of his classmates. He’s 2000 miles away, and it’s likely that he’ll settle far from home. There are pros/cons to every path.</p>
<p>One of the best things of CC, despite its intense focus on the top 20, is learning about so many colleges. Please reconsider the focus on the top 20 schools; the Ivies and other elites don’t guarantee the best college education, especially if they aren’t a good fit for your child. The good thing about ditching the top 20 or state U mindset is discovering hundreds (yes, hundreds) of good colleges and universities. I want to give my daughter more choices, not just a few.</p>
<p>What does your daughter want? Does she want top 20 or is college rank irrelevant to her? Follow and support her dreams. If she wants top 20, she has plenty of time to bring up her test scores. If she wants small LAC, look for those. If she wants big state U, well, great - it sounds like she’ll get in and it’s very affordable.</p>
<p>I don’t know if this helps, but your daughter not getting in to a school ranked by someone as the top 20 may be a blessing in disguise.</p>
<p>Now she’s free to explore the many, many other options there are for college. She can find a school where she fits, and not worry about ranking. </p>
<p>Remember, rankings are based on criterion someone else chose, not on whether the school is a good fit for your daughter. Many of the criterion for the rankings will likely not even be relevant to your daughter’s experience.</p>
<p>Focus on the goal: your daughter’s life satisfaction. This can be achieved at lots of colleges.</p>
<p>First off, your feelings are definitely understandable. We all want the best we can provide for our children. You have clearly done a remarkable job with your daughter! She sounds like a wonderful young woman.
I do agree that her options are many and that there is still sufficient time to accomplish increasing her odds for admittance at very selective schools if that is what she wants.
From your description she seems well adjusted and happy, that is the basis for success and I am sure she is headed for a fulfilling life.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. She’s on track to graduate from high school with an excellent transcript and wonderful prospects. America is not a society where the university you attend dictates your future prospects. My daughter is working at a major Silicon Valley computer company with other recruits from top 20 universities, and during training she learned that their top salesperson went to Chico State. My neighbor often bemoans the career track of his “brilliant” daughter, who is not turning out to be the high-powered scientist or doctor that he thought she would. He seems disappointed in her, even though she is happily married and just finished a Master’s degree. I would never want my daughter to feel she “wasn’t good enough”. That’s narcissistic behavior, thinking that your child is somehow a reflection of you, so she must be super-smart, go to Harvard, and be super-successful. Let it go. You should be thrilled that she is by any standard doing very well.</p>
<p>Maybe I missed it, but you haven’t mentioned what kind of school your daughter wants to go to, or how she feels about her somewhat disappointing test scores. Was she saying, “I really, really want to go to top school X, what can I do to bring these scores up so I have a chance?” Or not? I cringed when I read that you were telling people when she was a small child that you were aiming for Harvard. That’s a lot of pressure to put your kid under. If she’s been raised that way, does she even feel that she can express her desires to you, or is it all about what you want?</p>
<p>Our daughter has applied to a mix of some of the schools on your list and a few state ones. Of course it would be exciting if she gets into super-prestigious school X, but it’s also a bit sobering. A far-away school means that she won’t be with us at Thanksgiving. We won’t be attending her concerts in college, and she won’t be seeing much of her little sister. She’s likely to find summer internships and, upon graduation, a job far away from us. Cost will be higher for us. State U does have some real advantages. </p>
<p>And yes, it seems like she could probably bring those scores up somehow.</p>
<p>PM’ed you.</p>
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Read the 1st post again. Mom said that if her D isn’t accepted into a top 20 all they will pay for is the cost of attending State, maybe $10K or so per year. So she’s “free to explore other options” if she wants to spend her time that way, but she is not going to be able to afford anywhere but State.</p>
<p>D1 is a junior at a school which isn’t top 20–maybe just outside, prob top 50. </p>
<p>Here’s the thing: her college experience so far has been everything she could hope for. Peers who are brilliant, interesting, committed, diverse, and fun to be with. Professors who’ve offered mentorship and guidance. Opportunities to travel and do research. Challenging coursework which has stretched her, made her think, opened her mind. Career connections. Unique cross-disciplinary opportunities. When she graduates, the world will be her oyster and she’ll be equipped with an industrial-strength thingie-to-open-oysters-with (don’t eat them so dunno the right name for it :)). Aside from being able to drop the H-bomb or similar, I cannot imagine that Harvard et al could’ve offered her more. </p>
<p>Her experience isn’t unique. Yes, she’s at a school which does make it easier to grab these opportunities. She’s also been determined since Day 1 to squeeze as much juice out of the experience as possible. That’s been a big part of the secret sauce. A happy kid who really wants specific things is going to be able to manage that as well.</p>
<p>I can’t really tell for sure if when HikingMom2 says “top 20” she means the schools she wanted had to literally be in the USNews top 20, or if she meant something like she wanted her hard-working daughter to be rewarded with a really special place that had all or most of the following: world-class faculty, first-class facilities, really nice and well-maintained campus, excellent & elite reputation, and fellow students who would be serious and accomplished. </p>
<p>The literal top 20 probably all have those characteristics; the question is can the daughter find an equivalent “reward” in a college that’s a bit easier to get into, yet would still be a cut above the in-state flagship, preferably without costing an arm and a leg. All of us probably have a pet college or two which we think is an underappreciated gem–places that offer an undergrad education as good as the Top 20, but for whatever reason are easier to get into. My favorites in this situation would be U of Wisconsin, Miami of Ohio, and Georgia Tech. But perhaps the best choices would be outside the US. I think the daughter could get into U of Toronto, McGill (in Montreal), and Queen’s University (Kingston, Ontario)–all first-rate universities by any standards. Also, the U of St. Andrews in Scotland might fit.</p>
<p>P.S. Keep taking the SAT and ACT…she only has to nail it once, and amazing improvements CAN happen. My neighbor’s kid improved drastically after taking a college logic course.</p>
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<p>Small classes and profs that know you happen at LACs, not elite research Universities, where even the TAs don’t know you.</p>
<p>^I went to an elite university. I didn’t know all my profs, but I knew most of them. (Helps if you pick the right major.) I worked with two professors closely all senior year on my senior thesis. I certainly knew all my TAs, some of whom were just a year away from being profs themselves. And because of the residential college system I also knew a bunch of grad students who weren’t my TAs and learned a lot about grad school from them in a casual way.</p>
<p>(Not knocking LACs in any way.)</p>
<p>My son had great grades and rank, but scores like your daughter’s. He got into a reach, waitlisted at another, and denied at the third. Ultimately he chose the best fit which was a match school. He’s the type of student who is fully engaged with his course work and loves to learn. He’s been dean’s list every semester and is thriving. I love hearing him talk about how much he is learning, to me that’s getting my money’s worth. There is a world of opportunity outside of the “top 20”. Why not consider the “top 50” to start and see what you find. She may want the state school and that’s fine, but if part of what she is looking for is smaller and more personalized then there are still good options likely to be available to her.</p>
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<p>My son went to a flagship state university and majored in one of its larger departments (computer science). He knew quite a few of his professors. Two worked closely with him on his honors thesis during his junior and senior years and gave him a great deal of individual help and guidance in choosing and applying to graduate schools. Another gave him the opportunity to work as a TA as an undergraduate. And he wasn’t even an extraordinary student. Good, yes, but not extraordinary.</p>
<p>You can have excellent academic experiences in a wide variety of settings.</p>