Seeking advice: A sales rep I was shadowing crossed a severe physical and professional boundary after a meeting. I am terrified to report it. What do I do?

Career Opportunities & Internships
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I am a 21M intern at a mid-sized media company, and I need anonymous advice on a completely unacceptable situation that just happened.

Part of my internship involves shadowing sales reps on hybrid and in-person client calls. Yesterday, I was supposed to meet a rep at a client’s location. The business has two locations, and admittedly, I messed up. I had pre-planned my route in an unfamiliar city, but I routed to the business name rather than the specific address on the calendar invite.

I realized my mistake, immediately messaged the rep to apologize, and hurried to the correct location (which was thankfully close). I walked in 6 minutes late. The clients were incredibly understanding and even joked that they build a 5-minute buffer into all their meetings anyway.

The sales rep, however, was not. After I introduced myself, the rep loudly said to the clients, “Sorry about that guys, let’s just stare at him to make him feel bad.” He then shushed me, made the clients stay dead quiet, and blankly stared at me for over a full minute. It was wildly uncomfortable, especially since we were on the clients’ time.

Despite the start, the meeting actually went well. I even asked a crucial question that helped the pitch, and the clients expressed interest in services the rep hadn’t even planned for. I left feeling like we had secured a win.

Then we walked outside.

As soon as we were out of the building, the rep lost his temper. He acted aggressively and made intentional, forceful physical contact with my arm using his heavy, paper-filled leather padfolio. I am a big guy, so I just took it and stared at him in shock.

He then launched into a minute-and-a-half tirade, loudly berating me. Using heavy expletives, he called me an “idiot intern,” accused me of messing around at the other location, and insulted my intelligence. I stayed completely silent, a tactic I’ve learned to use instead of reacting emotionally.

Before I could even process it, he did a complete 180. He suddenly dropped into a soft, calm voice and said, “You know, even when we try our best, mistakes happen. I am sure you’ll learn from this experience.”

I am at a total loss. This happened yesterday and I haven’t reported it yet. Getting this internship was a difficult process, and I am terrified of losing the opportunity, the experience, and the references if I make a big deal out of this. On the other hand, his behavior was completely unhinged. I am hybrid, so I will likely only have to see him 2-3 more times in group settings. Do I report this to my supervisor, or just keep my head down? What would you do**?**

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Please let me know your thoughts or any clarifying questions

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I’m sorry this happened. This rep is guilty of assault and battery. If you were my kid I would encourage you to report it to HR, maybe your supervisor too. I would start with HR.

With that said, once you make the complaint, what happens next is out of your control. And you might not like the consequences.

Have you talked with your parents and/or another trusted adult about what happened? That could be a good place to start, before going to HR and/or your supervisor.

Calling @blossom and @hanna for insights.

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Should he report it to the on-campus office that may have assisted with the internship?

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Maybe if it were a formal co-op or accessed directly thru the career center…OP?

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My suggestion is that before you escalate/report, why not talk to the man? Email him that you’d like 15 minutes on his calendar for a phone call.

You can start the call by saying that while you appreciate the mentoring and the feedback- and that you know you threw him off his game by being late, you were concerned by the tone of the conversation after the client meeting.

And then stop talking. If you are in a one-party consent state (google it if you don’t know), tape his response. If you are not, take notes.

You can gauge your next step based on his response. If it were me, and I got a reaction like “Oh my god I am so mortified. I can’t believe I lost control like that, and I even hit you, I called my wife right after the meeting and she told me to apologize to you but I was too embarrassed yesterday to reach out to you” I’d think long and hard before escalating it, especially if the speech ends with “I can totally understand if you’d rather be paired with someone else, but I’m hoping that we can move past this. I am truly, truly sorry and I promise you it won’t happen again”.

If he denies, tries to blame you “why were you standing so close to me?”, comes up with something lame “How are you going to learn without feedback? This is bootcamp, not summer camp” then I’d give some thought to escalating.

But talking to him seems like a solid next step. If you are uncomfortable doing that, a quick email to HR- “I don’t think Burt is the right supervisor for me, can we talk about other options for the rest of my internship” is the way to go.

Hugs to you. Sounds scary and awful and wrong.

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Thank you for the response. I think this is the plan of action I am going to take. I have this Friday off, but I’ll message him and setup something for next week. It was very surprising but I think talking to him is my best bet.

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It’s an internship I applied and interviewed for from their online posting and previous employee referrals.

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Also, he’s not my supervisor, just a member on the sales team that invited me for a shadow.

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I did ask both parents, got two very opposite responses… That’s why I decided to ask anonymously

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I ran a large global sales force for a media adjacent business. I have directly managed sales reps and managers of sales reps in multiple regions of the world. The behavior you experienced was unhinged, extremely unprofessional, and not acceptable on any level. You should report this to the head of HR asap. You will not be fired, nor will your references be affected. I strongly recommend not approaching the sales rep.

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I concur with @blossom and am glad you have a call set up. There are 2 things that I would emphasize in your intro:

  1. A sincere apology for being late and that you will check your invites more carefully going forward.
  2. An acknowledgement that you will be together 2-3 more times this summer and that you are following up to make sure it’s not awkward. “I want to make sure we’re good”.

You need to be very steady in this meeting and thank him for the time.

His behavior certainly sounds inappropriate. However, except for the parts of the story that involve the client, - that you were 6 minutes late and that a full minute was spent in silence staring at you - there were no other witnesses. This is important because he could report it differently- that he spoke to you forcefully and that you interpreted it as hostile. That he said " doing x makes you look stupid" which you reported as “you are stupid”. I’m not saying this is what happened, but you need to be prepared, if you escalate, that there will be 2 versions to what happened. This call (assuming you can record without his consent) will be the only "evidence ".

It’s understandable that you are upset, and my opinion/advice is probably not a popular one, but here it is: Most workplaces will have someone who is difficult. Not everyone who is difficult is abusive or doing something illegal. HR is there to protect the company, not you. All these things point to the value in being able to manage difficult situations in a way that will allow you to work with these people productively and without undue emotional wear and tear. This is an opportunity to exercise those social/emotional skills, not to create a “gotcha” to take to HR. Ime, being professional and mature in a situation like this can get you quite a bit of respect with the other party precisely because it is a difficult thing to do. Use it that way.

Please let us know how it goes.

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I’m in complete agreement with @gardenstategal and would do what she suggests. The guy is a jerk, he was out of order and I would try to ensure you are never alone with him again. But I think that if you went to HR with this, the reaction might not be what you hope for.

He humiliated you both in and out of the meeting and aggressively pushed his binder to your arm. You don’t say that he hit you. He was mean and rude. I think that’s what it boils down to and while I 100% don’t doubt what you said, I think you might possibly create an impression at this business that you don’t want, especially not in this early stage.

FWIW, I am sure that the other people in the room were uncomfortable with what he did, but perhaps they had to secure some kind of deal and their hands were tied. You don’t know what their context was. Maybe after the meeting, they said “poor kid, having to work with that jerk.” I’m not trying to diminish what was clearly inappropriate, but I am not sure that what happened needs to be reported. He certainly should not be working with interns.

If you feel compelled to act, maybe send a note to HR now, or when the internship is over, saying, “My experience at this company has been very useful. I do think going forward, it could be best to avoid pairing Mr. Smith with new interns. His style comes across as aggressive and threatening (or some other word.) It’s hard to learn what is needed to be successful at this company when he humiliates new interns in front of clients.”

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I disagree with the advice to speak with him about it. (Context, if it matters: I’m an executive who has managed large teams in for-profit and not-for-profit environments for almost 30 years.) Behavior like this is not a one-time thing. And given the 180 degree turnaround, he sounds manipulative and very much aware of what he’s doing. This is not standard loss of temper or “snapping” at someone; this was sustained, calculated abuse. Nothing you did “deserves” that behavior. You apologized at the time. You do not owe him another apology, nor should you expose yourself to potential additional abusive behavior by giving him a chance to explain himself one-on-one; even if that interaction goes well, he will almost certainly do it again to you or someone else.

Have you developed any relationships with permanent staff members you trust? If so, I’d start with them: describe the experience and ask them whether they’ve seen anything similar and what they think you should do based on what they know about the firm. If not (or possibly even if so and their guidance isn’t sufficient), I think you should report the behavior to your supervisor and HR. I would let them know what he did and that you are concerned about future interactions with him. Companies do often attempt to excuse this sort of behavior in successful revenue-generators, so I would not be surprised if the outcome is not satisfying. But not reporting it ensures this behavior will continue, and the company needs to understand that they are culpable for future abusive behavior on his part. If it’s a pattern (which it almost certainly is), your report might be the thing that gets them to act, especially given that you are an intern and his behavior exposes them to more liability.

I’m really sorry this happened. You didn’t deserve it—no one does. This is not the way the professional world should work. I wish you the best.

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Sales is a tough business and it takes a certain personality type to succeed in it. I am certainly not justifying or condoning this behavior, but it seems that this guy is an insecure jerk and you got caught in his orbit. I would take it as a learning experience and move on. He will not be the last difficult person you will have to deal with going forward.

PS: He was angry with you, because you asked smart questions and helped the pitch - he was probably jealous.

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Reading yhrough this thread again and the varied responses, my question is “what do you want to accomplish here?”

If it’s creating a working relationship, talk to him as planned.

If it’s not having to work with him again during your internship, have a conversation with your supervisor.

If it’s reporting his behavior (because you feel this needs to happen for the benefit of the company, future interns, or as retribution of sorts), @Lindagaf 's suggestion of doing this at the end of your internship will achieve that. It will also give you an opportunity to do it professionally (and mixed with positive feedback about the good parts of your experience) and spare you discomfort over the summer.

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I kept reading thinking what if you weren’t a 21M and (in your words) a big guy but a 19F and on the small side?

Things won’t change until someone reports him. I wouldn’t be so sure the clients weren’t uncomfortable with his actions and while they said things were good, you never know if they will not want to deal with him and this company. They may get another pitch by someone who is just nicer.

I’d at the least tell whoever is coordinating your internship that you prefer the other mentors in the group.

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@Twistedsnake1104 is there an update?