<p>One of my kids has a real shot at a national award in his main EC interest. I don’t want to go into specifics since it’s a small field. The award is given annually, based on several factors and accomplishments during the calendar year. My son is a high school freshman, and would still be eligible as a candidate for several more years until he ages up. </p>
<p>My son was exceptionally productive in 2006, and was fortunate to receive some nice recognitions for his work. He worked very, very hard and juggled multiple timelines and projects over the course of the year as he brought his research through the various stages and final projects. It’s all in the “passion” category. We were told that his accomplishments and the recognition he received were unusual and perhaps unprecedented for his age. I think it would be difficult for him to match or exceed this year’s accomplishments/recognitions within the next couple of years as academics become increasingly demanding and his social life becomes more engaging, both of which are starting to happen now. Because of that, I feel it’s a good time for him to be nominated/apply even though the award is usually given to someone a little older. I am sure that my son will continue his involvement in the field and he will likely pursue a career in it as well. He doesn’t really “need” the award but it would be good to have. (I have seen it as a highlighted credential in the bio info of those in the field.) </p>
<p>Here’s my question. My son’s local mentor told us that he will nominate him for this award at some point and that he feels my son would be a very strong candidate. The mentor nominated another young person for the 2005 award (which will be announced soon) who he feels is deserving. If this other young person is not selected, the mentor plans to re-nominate this other student for the 2006 award. </p>
<p>If that happens, should we find someone else to nominate my son for the 2006 award? He has a nonlocal mentor who would probably be willing to do so. That would mean going forward without the local mentor’s recommendation and having my son go up against this other student (who happens to be a friend). I don’t know how to weigh whether one mentor would be stronger than another, or if that even matters. The application that my son would need to complete would be the same regardless of who is doing the nominating.</p>
<p>On one hand, I don’t want to behave inappropriately, but on the other hand, I don’t want to stand by and watch the opportunity evaporate. Any advice? Is it aggressive or disloyal to think like this?</p>
<p>I don’t have a clue, but what does your son think of all this? Does he want to be nominated for the award next year? Even if it means competing against his friend?</p>
<p>Thanks for responding, calmom. My son isn’t thinking about nominations. He’s absorbed in his day to day life, and is busy with school and homework and sports and friends and his new research topic. He is active in this field because he is internally driven, not because of awards or recognition though he does enjoy the positive recognition afterwards. On one hand, he’d like to see his friend’s work be recognized, but on the other hand, he feels he might be a stronger candidate than his friend. I think he’d like to see his friend win first, because the friend is a little older. That is as much as we’ve discussed. He doesn’t fully understand that what he does is unusual, and he’s not thinking in terms of credentials, and at his age, I like it that way. </p>
<p>My son would like to be nominated for the award some day but isn’t in a rush; because it’s usually given to an older student, I doubt my son realizes that he could be a viable candidate this year. </p>
<p>I’m inclined to sit back, let my son do his thing, and let the chips fall where they may. Not sure why I’m second-guessing myself.</p>
<p>You risk alienating the local mentor if you seek someone else to nominate. And these things work in strange ways. You offend a key person and strange things happen.</p>
<p>I think you should talk to your local mentor about it. Even if he seeks to nominate the other boy, does he support your son moving forward in the process by getting another nomination? If he doesn’t support it, then I don’t think you should do it. Mentors are important allies and, as newsmassdad says, you risk alienating an important one. On the other hand the local mentor may really support both candidates but feel the older one ought to get his nomination (assuming he can only nominate one person). He may still support your son getting nominated by someone else.</p>
<p>Would your son be able to go for the award with a chance of getting it next year? If so, I think you should wait until your son is more on board with the process.</p>
<p>Thanks for responding. I agree about talking with the local mentor before going forward in any fashion. Certainly if a nomination came out of left field, which is a possibility, that would be the appropriate thing to do.</p>
<p>And yes, my son could go for the award in future years (as could the other student), but the reason to do it this year is that he had an exceptionally full year of accomplishments, which could be hard to match in the future.</p>
<p>I’m glad that you are inclined to sit back and let the chips fall where they may, because my sense is that an early push for awards is one of those crossing-the-line, stage mom things. I mean we all secretly HOPE that our kid will get the biggest and best award for whatever he or she is good at, and when some other kid gets it… then there is always that secret feeling that OtherKid is not nearly as good as MyKid… and why is it that everyone else can’t see how brilliant/talented/wonderful MyKid is???</p>
<p>But I think it is a big mistake when we introduce the big-award-goal into our kid’s life, no matter how much we secretly keep our fingers crossed. It shifts the goal line a little bit … now instead of taking pleasure in the accomplishments already gained, the fact of not-getting the cherished award starts to feel a little bit like failure. </p>
<p>In hindsight, a few years down the line, I can see that none of that stuff really mattered anyway. I mean, for me the secret desire was to see my dancing daughter be the prima donna ballerina on stage. And it didn’t happen the way I dreamed. And as I said… it doesn’t matter anyway – my kid still takes ballet, and she is attending a college that is beyond my wildest dreams as to where she could get in and what we could afford, but her life has moved way beyond where it was at age 13 when those dreams of ballet glory danced like sugarplums in my head. </p>
<p>So in a way, the seeking out of awards can be a huge burden. If they come… it is wonderful and amazing and you should celebrate. You will feel especially proud if you know that the award came to your son because of genuine recognition of his own merits, and not from some behind-the-scenes parental string-pulling. And if he never gets that award… it won’t really matter. He will still go as far as his innate talents and his dedication will take him. </p>
<p>Will the award go to some other kid whose parents have no such hesitation, who are pulling every string they can right now, even as you are pondering? Probably. These awards things tend to be very political, often very much about who is lobbying for whom. But that doesn’t mean that every other parent should become a conniver and join in on the game. </p>
<p>So I say, hope and dream, and keep those dreams to yourself. Let your son follow his passions without being hindered by worrying about aknowledgement or rewards.</p>
<p>“It shifts the goal line a little bit … now instead of taking pleasure in the accomplishments already gained, the fact of not-getting the cherished award starts to feel a little bit like failure.”</p>
<p>You know, Calmom, that’s a really good point. I’d just been focusing on the logistics of the nomination/application phase and the timeline, and not at all on the actual award decision and what that might represent. What I’d really like is for my son to feel 100% happy for the friend, should the friend win, not 50% happy for the friend and 50% disappointed for himself. I feel both kids would rather not compete against each other for this recognition, even though they’ve been entering the same contests for the last couple of years.</p>
<p>Even though I’m asking about it here, at home we really try to downplay the competition/ego-inflating aspect of things and focus on the learning and the shaping/realizing one’s vision parts. I appreciate the opportunity to pose this question here, because it’s not something I want to discuss with/cultivate in my own son and there is really no other venue or person I could ask. I actually would prefer that he be nominated at some point in the future, rather than now, so that it all doesn’t fall in his lap too soon or too easily, but then I wasn’t sure if I’d be doing him a disservice as a parent. Thank you for responding, everyone, with sensitivity and wisdom. Let the chips fall!</p>
<p>If your son has any inclination, I’d have him navigate the politics, because oh baby, that’s a handy skill in any field.</p>
<p>Step one would be evaluating how much he wants the award and including an evaluation of how it will affect his friendship with the other student–if at all. Step two would be approaching the current mentor to find out how invested he is in the other student. Step three would be approaching another mentor.</p>
<p>Who knows, the politics of this prize may be that one has to be nominated year after year before a win is awarded. Getting an early nomination may be a good form of self-publication. In any case, let the process be driven by your son.</p>
<p>I know a boy who was scrounging around for money for his project and discovered an award at his school. I thought the award would be a maximum $100 grant but when it came time to make the presentation, the boy decided to ask for $1000. Half jokingly, I told him to go for broke and ask for $5K. He did and he received just under that amount. </p>
<p>You don’t get things unless you ask for them.</p>