Seeking Companions for the Vigil

Parent Cafe
2901

<p>Congrats, northminnesota!!! What a relief to have that finished and now your D can ENJOY her senior year!</p>

<p>Dropped off S this weekend. Things went incredibly well. It was abundantly clear why he chose chose Chicago. He has met with profs, got a job, loves his dorm, etc. It was great to see him in his new habitat – and it made it a lot easier for me emotionally, seeing him settling in and actively trying to make a new life for himself. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, but for right now, we will all savor the good feelings and successful initial launch.</p>

2902

<p>NorthMn! Way to go!! All that stress out of the way.</p>

<p>Welcome to my city…to CountingDown’s son. What a fantastic year to be here!</p>

2903

<p>NorthMinnesota, congrats to your D! What a great way to start senior year and thanks for keeping us posted on the news!</p>

2904

<p>NorthMinnesota…Congratulations!!! How great this evening must be for you and your entire family. Of course we’ll all join you in celebrating. </p>

<p>And CountingDown, I’m so glad your S has settled into Hyde Park. I’ll be on campus on Friday helping my D move in…FINALLY!!! And to think only a mere 10 weeks ago I was bemoaning the fact that she, alone amongst her friends, had not yet arrived home for the summer.</p>

2905

<p>Thank you Friends! We are just stunned by how quickly the process went. The acceptance packet also came in the mail today with a beautiful certificate enclosed. Will be nice to put in her scrapbook. Now we just wait for the signing. I will worry about that closer to the day.</p>

<p>CountingDown…how exciting!!! Chicago is such a fun city. What an exciting time for him!</p>

<p>Runnersmom…woohoo to yours this week on move-in day!!! (Wear comfortable shoes!) ;)</p>

<p>I wish each and every one of the new Freshies much fun, and exciting new adventures! Hope we can all stay in touch as they find their way over the next year!</p>

2906

<p>Some of us on the quarter system are in communications black out, still waiting for that first email from campus!</p>

2907

<p>Congratulations, NorthMinnesota and daughter! What a wonderful feeling to have everything settled. </p>

<p>Best wishes to all those quarter system students who are finally getting started. My son has two friends who are going to Stanford. They’ve had a looonnnnnngggg wait here at home while all their buddies have gone off to semester system schools. Hope they all have a great time as they settle in at their new homes.</p>

<p>I’m still thrilled at how well things are going for my son. He really loves it.</p>

2908

<p>Hey there, NorthMinnesota! I’m so late to the party, but thanks for including me! Raising my glass of bubbly in your honor! Congrats, too, to your daughter! How wonderful to have it all over and done. </p>

<p>To all the other first-years and parents of first-years: It’s great to hear how everyone is settling into his/her new environs. I hope you will all keep us updated. It’s an exciting time!</p>

2909

<p>I haven’t check this thread in a long time.</p>

<p>S loves (oh, wait, adores) Colby! He has made a ton of friends, has already been in a musical, has an amazing dorm, overloaded with academics (heavy workload, by choice) but loving every minute of it. And Mom and Dad are beyond happy that he’s happy. </p>

<p>Good luck to all.</p>

2910

<p>Woohoo! Great to hear from all of you missing in action posters! I know you have been busy with all the kids leaving. Tell us how you did dropping off your freshman and how you’re coping?!?! Cheers Ladies!!!</p>

2911

<p>Dropping off our son was very easy - his college had a huge role in making it so. We processed the impending separation all throughout the summer, so by the time we actually dropped him off, it was not heart wrenching but an acceptance of a new stage of life for him. He had a period of adjustment but now he is blossoming and cannot imagine himself elsewhere. Being an empty nester has been wonderful, but I am sure I am coping very well because my son is happy and adjusted. I may not feel as peaceful as I do if it were otherwise.</p>

2912

<p>Grieving all the “lasts” during our daughter’s senior year, and the stunning and disappointing college results combined to leave me emotionally drained by the time late August rolled around! Her father and I spent drop-off day together walking around campus, sitting silently watching the river flow along the college’s edge, our thoughts undoubtedly loud in our heads but left unexpressed, for fear if they were the tears would flow as briskly as the river. Once the appointed time came to say good-bye, we walked up the hill to our daughter’s new house. First my husband held her tight, then it was my turn. I babbled all the unexpressed thoughts that had been crowding my head, trying to keep my emotions in check. She did not shed a tear until she saw us, both fighting to stay composed! After a bit, she turned and walked through the door, into her new life. I watched until I could not see her, then stood a while longer, not ready to leave. She never looked back. </p>

<p>We have since heard from her that she feels, for the first time ever, like she fits in. Her peers listen to her and care what she has to say. Her mind and spirit have found their home. I miss her in every way, everyday, but knowing she feels she finally belongs makes it easier than I could have imagined.</p>

<p>Here’s a poem by C. Day-Lewis about the moment and meaning of letting go.</p>

<p>WALKING AWAY</p>

<p>It is eighteen years ago, almost to the day –
A sunny day with leaves just turning,
The touch-lines new-ruled – since I watched you play
Your first game of football, then, like a satellite
Wrenched from its orbit, go drifting away</p>

<p>Behind a scatter of boys. I can see
You walking away from me towards the school
With the pathos of a half-fledged thing set free
Into a wilderness, the gait of one
Who finds no path where the path should be.</p>

<p>That hesitant figure, eddying away
Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem,
Has something I never quite grasp to convey
About nature’s give-and-take – the small, the scorching
Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.</p>

<p>I have had worse partings, but none that so
Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly
Saying what God alone could perfectly show –
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.</p>

2913

<p>You have left me with tears in my eyes!!! I am so happy for your daughter! She has found her niche!!! How wonderful is that!? Bittersweet, I’m sure but what joy to know she is coming in to her own!</p>

2914

<p>Such happy news NorthMinnesota! Enjoy senior year…it goes by way too fast.</p>

<p>Je-ne, that poem so beautifully describes that moment of parting. I felt it much more emotionally with D1 last year, very much like you describe with your daughter. Oddly, it was different this year with D2. I found myself knowing I’d miss her (she’s far away), but feeling really excited for her and that she was in the right place.</p>

<p>I’m so glad to hear all the good news about how well the college kids are doing. It’s such a time for personal growth for them (and us, moving into the empty nester stage).</p>

2915

<p>Missing so many of you as I am hit or miss on the board. Any updates? My D1 is searching for next summer’s internship…told her it will be a tough market! D2 doesn’t have a care in the world as she glides through her senior year. She has been busy as her team is working their way through playoffs. HS has all next week off for teachers’ meetings/conferences. Enjoying the beautiful fall colors would be great if we can get away!</p>

2916

<p>S2 has been trying to prove himself pretty independent since he left in mid-August. He would only call rarely, though we called him some. Well, this week he got sick. He called telling me had fever and felt really bad and what should he do. Ahhhh…though worried, this was still music to a mother’s ears. He needs me! I fussed over him on the phone, telling him what medicine to take and insisting he go to the clinic in the morning. Then I called a couple of times the next day to check on him, and he called me, too.</p>

<p>He was much better after less than 48 hours (respiratory infection, the clinic said). But, he’s called every day since. It’s like he doesn’t think he needs to be so standoffish all of a sudden. In fact, yesterday he called to tell me he had taken care of signing everything so that we would have access to his academic and financial records (which was a bit touchy since we didn’t have to pay anything this year).</p>

<p>He was bubbling with enthusiasm about a travel abroad course during the interterm (kind of like a summer session…it’s the whole month of January). So, he talked about that and everything else under the sun.</p>

<p>S1 had a bad breakup this summer. He had liked this girl since he was 16, but she wasn’t allowed to date, so he waited and they started dating when they both got to the same college. They dated 3 years, were planning to be married next summer, after graduation, and then she broke up with him. All that to say that he is learning to date this year. Since he’s only ever had this one girlfriend, he is absolutely clueless. He went out with one girl a few times who he saw as more of a friend than a potential girlfriend. He’s been so lonely since the breakup though that he was calling her every day, meeting her for lunch, etc. and she got the idea that he was very interested in a relationship with her. That didn’t go so well when he clarified his intentions. </p>

<p>Last week, he called me almost sounding offended to tell me that a girl in one of his classes (who is really cute and nice) invited him to go to a sorority party. “SHE invited ME!” he said. I assured him that this was the normal way things worked for a sorority party. :slight_smile: So, now he is okay with that and is going to the party tonight (at a park with an ampitheatre and a Jimmy Buffett cover band…sounds fun to me!).</p>

<p>He is kind of in a weird place because he’s scared to death of commitment (for obvious reasons), yet he really wants to get married and doesn’t want to head off into the next phase of his life without at least a relationship in the works. (He’ll be in the Air Force and his first assignment is in Del Rio, Texas, which is a dumpy little town close to the Mexican border. Probably not a lot of nice, eligible girls there.)</p>

<p>So, even though I’m an empty-nester now, I do spend a significant amount of time on the phone or emailing with my kids (I have a married D, too).</p>

2917

<p>I’ll update, too!</p>

<p>I’m really an emptynester this weekend! H went with D1 to visit D2 at her school for a little father/daughter time. I encouraged them to do it and did all the trip planning, but I’m a wee bit jealous. D2 said the fall colors were finally getting pretty…sigh… My turn to visit D2 comes in November for Parent’s Weekend. H will be overseas, so I get time with her all to myself. I have much to look forward to!</p>

<p>My girls tend to call when they are either really happy and excited about something or really bummed and miserable about something. I have no idea about what goes on in between, because those phone calls consist of “doing homework” or “going to practice” or “I’m asleep”. Overall they are both doing well and acomplishing some pretty amazing things…I’m pretty proud.</p>

2918

<p>Was thinking of all of you as the '09ers try to make their decisions. Any updates of how the year went??? Miss you all!</p>

2919

<p>Thanks NorthMinnesota for remembering us! It was last year this time, yes, how well I remember the anguish!</p>

<p>Update: My daughter went to Smith College. I could best put it this way. I dropped off one daughter in August, and will be picking up a very different one in May. She has matured in ways that leave me alternating between astonishment and bursting pride. </p>

<p>She has friends. She has confidence! She has found her voice and uses it. She is 100% responsible for everything she does, from registering for classes and buying her books to paying her bills and picking up prescriptions to laundry and writing Thank You notes to Grandma for care packages. She has done exceedingly well in all her classes and many activities. In several arenas she has even assumed a leadership role. All as a first-year. </p>

<p>Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined such astounding growth. </p>

<p>Now, I have to wax nostalgic for a minute. Many of you helped me immeasurably last year. I’m sorry I never told you how much I appreciated your wisdom, kindness, guidance and comfort. I have told innumerable acquaintances how I would not have survived last year mentally intact without my CC friends. </p>

<p>This year I came back around, even got brave enough to read some old posts, and let the memories wash over me. I was overcome again by the outpouring of support. It was a special group of friends who rallied around each other to get us through an emotional, stressful time. </p>

<p>I heard it here last year and didn’t believe it, but it’s true: It all works out as it should. We just don’t know it yet. </p>

<p>May all of your sons and daughters land in places where their minds and spirits find a home. Then, and only then, will you feel the peace of mind this awful process robs from us!! </p>

<p>Only good fortune to you all.</p>

<p>Love,
jnsq</p>

2920

<p>:: reaches for a hanky ::</p>

<p>:: dabs eyes ::</p>

<p>:: hands jnsq some Lindor truffles ::</p>

<p>Not as sweet as your post, but it’s all I have to offer.</p>

<p>Yay for your D!</p>