Seeking Companions for the Vigil

Parent Cafe
701

<p>

Wow. This really jumped out at me. </p>

<p>I think its important to remember that your daughter <em>loved</em> one of the schools which has accepted her, perhaps all 3. </p>

<p>I know that many women’s colleges are particularly well suited for women who are interested in sciences-- there simply is still a lot of sexism in the scientific world, and so there may be greater opportunities to participate in research or simply to get attention and encouragement at Smith & Mt Holyoke than there would have been at one of the elite schools that turned your daughter down.</p>

<p>My daughter is not scientifically inclined, but because of Barnard’s distribution requirements, she has been forced to take a couple of science classes, where she has been taught by some amazing women scientists – I think simply the value of having such accomplished women as role models has had a significant impact on her education and her life. There is another Barnard mom on CC whose daughter went in as a dancer and will come out a neuroscientist – women’s colleges have a way of breaking down stereotypes and opening up a world of new possibilities. </p>

<p>I think that when you get past the disappointment, you may realize that your daughter’s remaining choices are places were the actual opportunities for her will be far greater. My son ended up with an extraordinary opportunity after he transferred to a less selective college – it was something open to only one student per year from his college – there are similar opportunities at more selective colleges, but he would not have been in the running there. So sometimes a student is simply better off in a place where they have the chance to stand out a little more. </p>

<p>Another example: Curmudgeon’s daughter, who turned down Yale for Rhodes, has just won a well-deserved (and prestigious) Goldwater Scholarship as a sophomore, an accomplishment that I believe requires nomination by the faculty for initial consideration. Would she have gotten that nomination at Yale? We’ll never know - she certainly is smart enough, but she probably wouldn’t have gotten the personalized attention and encouragement from the faculty at the Ivy League choice. </p>

<p>Keep in mind there is a part II to all of this – the experience they have once they are on campus. That’s where prestige really flies out the window and it really does become a question of fit. </p>

<p>For my daughter’s sake, I am very, very grateful for women’s colleges… I only wish my son had access to the same opportunities! The academic standards at the remaining 7 sister colleges remain very high, but with a female-only applicant pool they still are able to admit a reasonable percentage of their most qualified applicants. Plus, those women’s colleges don’t have to admit any lesser qualified males in order to achieve gender balance! ;)</p>

<p>So yes, those rejection letters hurt – but they all come from colleges which clearly are unable to recognize your daughter’s gifts and great potential. Their loss.</p>

702

<p>Ok…I’ll move on like my daughter. </p>

<p>Next topic: Why did the college at the bottom of her list send her the best financial offer??? Why couldn’t be the one she likes best???</p>

<p>Thin Mints anyone?</p>

703

<p>The rejection letter from Brown came yesterday and, as S was opening it, I asked, “Don’t do that to yourself.” He grinned, read it, and next thing I know, I heard a “whirrrrr” - the shredder had a meal. :)</p>

704

<p>2forcollege, the same thing happened for my son, though your son may have been offered more acceptances than mine, who got mostly waitlists from his top choices. The truth is that many schools have money to woo a student who might be at the top of their list-- so after my son’s initial disappointment about who offered him $$ and where he got in, guess what, we are going to see the school that offered him the most money first (his decision). If he doesn’t like it at all we’ll go back and revisit the other options. Showing him how much money he will owe after college depending on which school he chooses had a definite affect on him-- he realized how great it was that one school was willing to offer him so much more than the others. He felt much more desirable after feeling pretty low for a few days.</p>

<p>Happy to see him bouncing back again for sure!</p>

705

<p>calmom, I went to a womens college, and I have to agree with everything you said about the opportunities. I am sad that so many womens colleges have disappeared, they really do give young women confidence and a great education.</p>

<p>2forcollege, maybe because it’s the college that wants her the most?</p>

706

<p>Oh gee, mountains, I’m embarrassed that I’m saving son’s Brown rejection letter (along with his other two). His voice teacher is thrilled that he did not get in! It’s funny that this choose-the-college time makes me far more anxious than the pre-decision time. Could be because large sums of money and my kid’s future are involved.</p>

707

<p>“It’s funny that this choose-the-college time makes me far more anxious than the pre-decision time. Could be because large sums of money and my kid’s future are involved.”</p>

<p>Absolutely. And my little wretch refuses to even start the discussion because we still need FA on two schools. I need to get my spreadsheet. Knowing him though, he has it all worked out and just isn’t saying anything.</p>

708

<p>To all who believe that choose the college is far more anxiety producing than pre-decision time…</p>

<p>Boy, do I agree with that…we basically tied our daughter down to a chair (not really) yesterday afternoon to find out what was swirling around in her head about all of this (and to find out why the Emory waitlist stung sooo much, given that she was accepted into comparable peer schools…)…</p>

<p>I highly recommend a sit-down with your kids…if they are focused, it will definitely help everyone to sleep better at night…crystalizing the options and discussing the disappointments is enlightening and immensely helpful when you have a kid who has been very non-revealing during the process…</p>

709

<h1>2 was home with a stomach virus yesterday - so it wasn’t the day to go there. He knows its coming though. He has some things he needs to do (phone calls, finding out additional information) and we are missing one critical piece of FA information. We did get FA from one of the schools that we were waiting on that absolutely thrilled me - so it was a very good day from my point of view. Its all coming together. I started my spreadsheet of costs so he can see what it all really means for us.</h1>

710

<p>Congratulations on the good FA offer, kitkat! For most of us families until that comes in, the vigil isn’t over.</p>

711

<p>I think I’m going to take her back up for a visit to accepted schools. Maybe going back and seeing them through “accepted” eyes will help her make a fully informed decision.</p>

<p>Gah, the WL school (which if had she been accepted to would have made her decision easy) is not taking calls from her recommenders or acknowledging her attempts at showing interest>>>vigil continues, but maybe love shown by other schools will start to have an affect…</p>

712

<p>The vigil continues for us until the selection can finally be made. We’re going back for visits, including the one school we did not visit at all (but offered the most money). D feels she would be fine at any of them, although there are differences in size, types of campus, location; she really doesn’t know where to choose. I am hoping the revisits clarify her feelings, I will help her with pro and con charts, but she is going to have to make this decision herself!</p>

713

<p>Going to be one HECK of a party we have here on May 1, I can see that now!</p>

714

<p>For anyone who is on the fence, I know it’s a crazy time, but visiting the school with acceptance in hand is SO different than the previous visits. The students REALLY look at the programs, housing, atmosphere and start imagining themselves there.</p>

<p>My DS was really unsure a few years ago. His final choices were all instate, so I sent him on a road trip. Upshot? The school he THOUGHT he wanted to attend didn’t have the program he wanted. He’s extremely happy at the school he chose (and has not changed his major, three years into college).</p>

<p>Go. Visit. You’ll just KNOW.</p>

715

<p>H has asked S last weekend to come up with a spreadsheet and list the courses he may want to take at the colleges to allow S to get a better sense of what is available. Of course, this is in addition to how S feels about fit, etc. Has S done it? Nope - too busy. We had to give him an ultimatum. Before investing in any college, we just want to make sure he is aware of the entire academic picture. He has already researched the schools prior to applying but this will allow him to have more details, considering he does not have a clear #1. If I don’t see this spreadsheet by this weekend, I’m off to Home Depot to buy some rope … (thanks for the tip, rodney).</p>

<p>Pre-decision is definitely, definitely more stressful; but I think sending them off will be the worst. Okay, I have to live in the now.</p>

716

<p>I think pre-decision was more stressful for me, but now is more stressful for her. She wasn’t sweating her decisions, did not seemed phased by the rejections from the 2 reaches, but now is looking hard at catalogs, course selections, housing arrangements, study abroad programs, contacting schools for visits, etc. Suddenly it is more real. There is so much to consider.</p>

717

<p>S recommends taking notes and pictures if you are going back to visit schools again, so that it’s easier to keep track of what’s good, bad, etc. He leaves Saturday AM for his first re-visit.</p>

<p>I will start on spreadsheets this weekend.</p>

718

<p>As mamabear said: “I think pre-decision was more stressful for me, but now is more stressful for her.”
(Still don’t know how to “copy” properly on cc!)</p>

<p>My D (now a college senior) confesssed it was WAY more stressful for her to make the decision. She went through the first week of April in “elimination” mode, crossing some schools off her list. But the last 3…OMG. She simply could not decide. Ultimately went with the one that showed her the most love (ie money). She was a bear to live with in April. Once the decision was made, the clouds lifted, she spoke like a human being again, and all was right with the world.</p>

<p>And then, in August, I was the one who fell apart :)</p>

719

<p>I can just see us - running to the post office on April 30, sending overnight mail for S’ deposit - IF we survive this process.</p>

720

<p>Letters from both of my d’s possible choices just came in the mail.
(scholarship amounts) I am on pins and needles waiting for her to come home from school to open them.
EEEEEEE!!!</p>