<p>Bethie - Yes, it’s certainly all right if he thinks about the decision some more. It’s a low risk decision in that I think he would be happy at either place. It’s just that it would be nice if the choice were clear after this last visit. I don’t have a problem with his waiting until the last minute, but I want him to feel that his choice is the right one and not just a “I couldn’t decide so I flipped a coin” decision or “I picked the school with the better mascot.” </p>
<p>As for follow up contacts via facebook go, he didn’t make any such contacts with current students at the non-overnight visit school. That was really the problem at that school – there was next to no opportunity to get to know or interact with current students. He has met a number of other admitted students, although some of them will surely go elsewhere. I suspect he’s making some good facebook-type contacts among current students at the school he’s visiting right now, so we’ll see what he thinks. The different levels of contact just make it hard to compare the two schools. I have always liked having full and comparable information when making choices, and I find it frustrating to have to make decisions with less than that.</p>
<p>nceph, I guess just trust the process. If both schools are equally attractive there may not be a way to have the dramatic conclusion and satisfying decision that resolves things with a nice bow.</p>
<p>I often face this in life. Then we have to just decide. I call it the chocolate or vanilla situation.</p>
<p>Then we can either believe both choices are fine or some internal genie directed the choice beyond our conscious thought (this is actually what I believe.)</p>
<p>The fact is that even with all the above information, it’s just a guess. One school might have a teacher who the student doesn’t meet until junior year who is instrumental in a grad school placement. Another school might be the home of a future mate who the student doesn’t meet until senior year. The student has no way of knowing.</p>
<p>We do the best with the information we have an then take the leap. Look at it this way: if both schools are that fairly matched, there are NO WRONG decisions.</p>
<p>My kids refused any revisits and went with their gut reactions to original visits where they met no students, did not over nights, barely took tours. Don’t ask me how they knew. They knew where they wanted to be. It’s possible final visits would have helped them discover facets of the situation that would have changed their decisions. We’ll never know, and it really doesn’t matter, because both have found institutions they are happy enough to spend four years at and they will emerge with a college degree! (We hope, LOL. – No, D is a second semester junior. I’m pretty sure she will.)</p>
<p>As a dear friend of mine says, “The final evidence is never in.” That has helped me.</p>
<p>Best of luck to all still deciding. I’d love to join you for breakfast, but D is home for a short visit and has just asked me join her for breakfast at a little local greasy spoon before I go off to teach and she spends the day writing papers at Starbucks. How can I refuse?</p>
<p>My daughter doesn’t really want to spend an overnight, because she’s a little shy and she thinks it would be ‘awkward’. She DOES want to eat a meal in the dining hall though!! That’s one of her biggest criteria - is the food any good?</p>
<p>I do think that visits are a mixed bag - one bad experience can sour a student from a great school, and a great experience can make something think a school will be a better fit than it is. But still, I think at some point you just have to trust the process. I think my daughter honestly would be happy at any of her choices, so picking between happy and happier isn’t really a terrible place to be, you know?</p>
<p>My older son did not do any stay over visits. We only revisited one school in April and actually I kind of pushed it - because he had eliminated that one and I thought it was the one he really wanted. He did, and he ended up there so alls well that ends well. </p>
<p>Younger son - nope we are not doing any visits. He knows what he knows and thats the end of it.</p>
<p>nceph – You just wrote what’s happening in my house right now. Two visits done, one to go. A leader is emerging, but he’s sitting tight, not talking much, and mulling it over. I think he’s trying it on, seeing if he has regrets one way or the other, waiting to see the third school, who has also shown much love. DH offered to let him go back to School A one more time, but DS says any further info he needs he can get from folks on FB. </p>
<p>It’s hard not to be involved in the process right now, but I think once S is at peace, the flood gates will open and he’ll tell us what has been on his mind and how he made his choice. He has no bad choices. He did such a wonderful job creating his list in the first place that I shouldn’t be at all surprised that he is having a hard time choosing. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, we are all here to commiserate with each other! :)</p>
<p>Great thread for us over-obsessed parents. D I think has her mind made up, but I suddenly realized that she only visited her choice once - a year ago - and that she’s visited a lot of other schools since then. Will she still like it? Am encouraging her to make another visit to be ‘sure’.</p>
<p>Jude_36 - you bring up a good point - perhaps another visit is not a good idea? Let her be happy and excited and - ME QUIT WORRYING AND OBSESSING? </p>
<p>What do the rest of you think? Every engagement she’s had with her choice (visit, interview (was not on campus), phone calls with admission advisor and financial aid) have been more than positive - each has ‘clicked’ with her.</p>
<p>Dad II: Curious what you said in the phone call and letter that generated additional $$? </p>
<p>We did similar with one school, and D received additional $$, too, which is definitely helping with the decision. Another school we have not talked to or corresponded with at all and they also sent a merit increase. I wonder if the schools offering merit money often add to the pot for the undecideds? Does anyone know?</p>
<p>Glad to know there’s a lot of company in what our kids and we are going through. Actually, I wouldn’t even use the word “commiserate,” because that suggests an element of misery or distress, and really for me, I’m just dying to know what the final choice is. It’s more excitement and extreme curiosity. </p>
<p>I do know from going through the process two years ago how the overnights can influence a choice and that they don’t always give an accurate picture of the school, although they can be helpful in eliciting a strong reaction. There is a lot of chance in who the host is and what class the student sits in on. My D was down the last few days of April before she finally decided, but the delay there was that the last of the admitted student days was towards the end of April. As of tonight, my S will be finished visiting, so he’ll have more time to just let the information process. I think I just need to stay busy.</p>
<p>Doing a different type of vigil here. D2 took her ACT last weekend and all was fine. Now she is worrying and is a nervous wreck and making me a nervous wreck! Never happened with laid back D1! Why does she do this to me!?!?!</p>
<p>NM, if you’d prefer bourbon, please let me know. :)</p>
<p>cottonwood, you’re welcome! Are you ready for a slice of French silk pie or lemon cake? Constant Comment goes well with the lemon cake, and there’s fresh coffee to wash down the pie.</p>
<p>bethievt, I like the blackcurrant, too. Also Constant Comment; I’m not so crazy about Earl Gray, though. (But then, the Earl might not be so crazy about me, either! )</p>
<p>mythmom, I hope your breakfast with your D was fun!</p>
<p>My S was less than thrilled with his visit to the U of C, despite most people’s assumption that it is the perfect school for him. (It still may be. But unless they respond positively to our FA appeal, I dunno. It would be hard to justify. Their offer is about $50K short of our EFC over 4 years, and our income is LOW.) He still likes the campus a lot, but his host disappeared rapidly, and he and most of the other current students S met were “awkward,” according to him. The core class he attended was okay, but didn’t knock his socks off. The prof told him that usually there was more back and forth between the students–ie, real discussion–which reassured him somewhat. </p>
<p>At this point, I think he is Dartmouth’s to lose, if you know what I mean. And their FA offer, although it too will need to be appealed, is at least 30% better. We have pretty much given up trying to get him to visit Pomona, which gave him by FAR the best FA offer. (The only one that actually “meets need,” in fact.) Will this never end??</p>
<p>Owlice, I’ll take pie, cake, AND bourbon. Or better make that Earl Grey–I have to work. :)</p>
<p>A visit that is less than thrilling isn’t all bad, Consolation, if it helps clear an option. And if it’s going to happen, thank goodness it was to a school on the low end of the FA rankings! My son isn’t visiting Chicago as he has much better aid offers elsewhere. That was a hard school for me personally to see go, but I felt better after learning most of the upperclassmen move off campus. My son would prefer a place where they stay on campus.</p>
<p>NorthMinnesota, your daughter is just preparing you for her senior year when you too will get to experience the wait of the ultimate college decision. Why, it’s downright thoughtful of her! ;)</p>
<p>Here ya go, Consolation! I have no experience with this<em>, but I understand rum goes pretty nicely with tea, so long as you are careful when you pour and then stir it. Not that you’ll want any, I’m sure; just letting you know.</em>*</p>
<p>[right]* lying through my teeth here
** rum is on the sideboard[/right]</p>
<p>consolation - That’s exactly how I’ve viewed my S’s visit to Williams – I think he is “Williams’s to lose.” He knew that going off to visit, too, and told me he hopes he either loves it or hates it. That will make it so much easier than if the choice comes down to two “likes but doesn’t love” choices.</p>
<p>owlice, you are so nice! We can always rely on you :), and I might need some spiced tea soon.</p>
<p>I have a feeling that my D is going to be a Buridan’s donkey with her college decisions! She was not expecting at all to get into so many schools that she absolutely likes.</p>
)</p>