Seeking resources, guidance, tips to share with parent of child with Aspergers.

Parent Cafe
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<p>A new friend was sharing with me some of the frustrations she is having after moving her preteen son from a home school environment to a charter school. I could see the stress on her face as she wonders if she is doing the right thing for her son and for his education. I immediately thought of CC. For years I have been reading (though admittedly not paying that close of attention) how so many CC’ers have shared the successes and frustrations they have experienced while helping their kids through high school and into college. </p>

<p>Any learnings or advice from those who have shared this experience and have helped prepare their children for the high school/college experience and/or helped their children navigate the college experience would be greatly appreciated.</p>

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<p>Kajon, do you know what his main “issues” are? Some do great academically but not socially. For others, executive function disorder is the major problem and the social part is not so bad. Others have issues in both areas.</p>

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<p>I Google absolutely everything, health related, technical issues at work, the options / answers / many other aspects are discussed and free and easily obtainable</p>

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<p>Kajon - </p>

<p>Writing as a parent who has been involved with the autism community for over twenty years (yup, from before the time Asperger’s was even in the DSM and most practitioners who had even heard of it thought it was very rare), and who has watched quite a few students at various points on the spectrum grow up, I would add (and for all I know your friend has done these already)- </p>

<p>Try to get to a conference to get a good feel for options that are “out there” and to meet other parents and children, professionals (some of whom are parents who were not satisfied with what their districts had to offer), and individuals with autism. I would recommend the Penn State National Autism Conference, next held in August 2015. It might be possible to get a grant from the district to attend this conference or another; parents from our own district have gotten teachers sponsored to go to conferences as well. </p>

<p>Read the “basics” such as anything by Temple Grandin or Tony Attwood, and then branch out. Learn as much as you can. Try to find a local Asperger’s support group and get onto their mailing list. Get in touch with the local ARC, even if the student has no intellectual disabilities.</p>

<p>Do not be afraid to “helicopter” - grow a thick skin if necessary. The more you know about what is happening at school, the better. </p>

<p>If the child is receiving services, make sure that these actually benefit the child, not just the person (whether aide or professional) employed to provide services. Get a good understanding of why they are needed, how they will be provided, who will provide them, and the benchmarks that will be used to evaluate their effectiveness. (Ditto for any trials of medication.) </p>

<p>Read up on behavioral treatments, even though the child will likely not be doing discrete trial training. It is likely that they will be exposed to cognitive behavioral therapy. Any parent should be able to discuss “generalization”, “prompt fading”, or “prompt dependence” at an iep meeting and know the difference between positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, and punishment.</p>

<p>Get a good understanding of special education law, and do not be afraid to enlist the help of an advocate if not satisfied with how the district is interpreting this. Look ahead to transition planning. If the goal is “four year college”, get a good idea of the skills that the student will need to function in that environment and plan ahead.</p>

<p>In this country, students are entitled to a “free and appropriate public education in least restrictive environment” until they either graduate or age out. Homebound instruction is the “most restrictive” placement under the law; even out of state residential placement is viewed as less restrictive. Understand how a “manifestation hearing” works before you need to attend one.</p>

<p>If the family can afford this, it is often helpful to find a professional who is not being reimbursed by the school district, and thus feels no obligation to defend district practices that are not in a student’s best interest. (Sometimes insurance can pick up the bill.) </p>

<p>Try to find someone within the school who is willing to be a mentor to the student, and a class or activity where they can shine. It can make all the difference.</p>

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<p>missypie - All she told me was this - He refuses to go to the bathroom at school because he thinks the other kids (total of 12) in his class are going to bully him. This is a brand new school for him. The mom has asked their previous home school group it they can still do some activities with them once a week so he can see his friends. I cannot think of the exact words he used, but he told his mom that he will not do his mathwork because they don’t understand that he is smarter than that and keeps saying to his mom “I can do code, I can write code, I don’t want to do their easy stuff” (here I am assuming he is doing a high level math/computer code). </p>

<p>I think she is overwhelmed right now with all the emotional trauma associated with her son attending a new school. If I get to know her better, I will try to better understand her concerns.</p>

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<p>Miami and Frazzeled, thank you so much for sharing. </p>

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<p>Do the charter schools have to follow the same rules as public schools or are they considered private? In public schools the law would require a meeting (called an ARD here) to discuss appropriate accomodations. The ability to go to a private bathroom, accessible by key, if one if available, or to be excused at the beginning of class (once everyone else is reasonably expected to be out) would seem like a reasonable accomodation. (My son - now 23 - pretty much doesn’t use public bathrooms. I guess he’s become adept at managing his fluid intake so that he only goes once he gets home from whereever he is.)</p>

<p>If you google “504 accomodations” you will find lots of list, many published by school districts. That should give the mom an idea of what to ask for.</p>

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<p>A friend made a similar choice: public vs very small private for an Aspergers kid. Dad wanted son in public to learn how to get along with all kinds of people, to better prepare him for the world. He said he feared that his decently smart child would not be able to get and hold a job. Mom preferred the small private to better control interactions and to get more detailed info from the school. Dad won out. </p>

<p>It wasn’t easy, especially in middle school. Son got in fights with peers, struggled with teachers and their rules. He did get along well with certain coaches and found some ECs he was passionate about. Mom volunteered at school A LOT so she could keep her eyes on what was going on. By high school things were much much better. Kid played a varsity sport and did well and had his teammates to hang out with. He worked some little jobs on weekends. The child attends a small, private college from which he received a modest academic scholarship. He has a part-time job. </p>

<p>The struggle isn’t over, but this young man has come so so far.</p>

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<p>Thought everyone would be interested in the latest Temple Grandin interview.</p>

<p><a href=“Temple Grandin On The Secret To Success For Kids With Autism | HuffPost Impact”>Temple Grandin On The Secret To Success For Kids With Autism | HuffPost Impact;