<p>As a parent, it’s hard to imagine instituting a bunch of new rules for a second semester senior, out of the blue. You say these rules came about because you were '“arguing” with your parents about sleeping over at a friends.</p>
<p>My son had a good friend who every once in a while was grounded -seemingly out of the blue - for disagreements with his folks. What I learned was that the WAY he disagreed, or argued, was very disrespectful of his parents, and that they simply wouldn’t put up with insolence, rudeness, yelling, and other forms of disrespect that some teenagers do get away with. When he crossed over the line of what was acceptable, grounding was a consequence of that behavior.</p>
<p>Not knowing you or you situation, but just curious, is there a chance that your parents were setting stricter rules as a result of a behavior that they didn’t approve of?</p>
<p>I don’t know if I should have put “arguing” as the word, perhaps it was too strong. My parents and I sat down and we had a nice orderly mannered discussion (with minimal yelling from both parties) and discussed whether I would be allowed to sleep-over at someone’s house. Originally, I was never allowed to do so, but after our …discussion, we came up with those rules, but I was allowed to sleep over now. </p>
<p>To the extent of my knowledge, my parents did have “guidelines” for me going to sleep at 11, but never a hard set rule on 11. Back then, I usually just sat around upstairs doing homework or reading in my room. From what I know, I don’t thin my parents were setting stricter rules as a result of behaviour that they didn’t approve of.</p>
<p>I agree with Berurah. Such rigid rules are very likely to backfire. I don’t understand that level of control and adherence to rules required of a second semester high school senior (actually, my high schooler has never had any of those rules, and we have no problems…knock wood), who will be expected to make his own bedtime and internet decisions in six months. It seems ludicrous.</p>
<p>It seems like there simply <em>must</em> be more to the story…</p>
<p>I don’t have any advice, Kevin, except to reason with your folks- try to get exceptions- when it matters the most, and know that in a few months, it won’t matter. </p>
<p>You say they will make occassional exceptions to the 11:30 weekend bedtime. I guess if I were you, I would start there. If you want to make plans with your friends that will keep you out past 11:30, make them in advance, and give your parents specific reasons for the exceptions (late movie, driving friend home, school event not ending until 11:30 - or whatever is true). It’s very possible that your parents are not able to sleep themselves until you are tucked in safely at home. They may feel that it’s unfair for them to have to stay up and wait for you for that extra half-hour when there isn’t any real reason for it except that all your friends don’t have to be home yet. If it’s a real event that truly keeps you out, they will feel the exception is warranted. Even if they wanted to, some parents truly cannot sleep until their kids are home.</p>
<p>My son’s girlfriend (senior year) had an 11:30 curfew up until the day she left for college. Her dad simply didn’t see why she had to be out past that time, unless it was a special school event that went later than usual. It was my son’s responsibility, as well as hers, to make sure she arrived back home by that hour. Did her other friends have the same curfew? I doubt that many of them did, but so what. It worked for her family. My guess is that her dad adored his kid, and worried about her being out at night, knew that accidents happen when people are tired, and stayed up to see her come home. He wanted to sleep! (and I can’t say I minded his rule, one bit!)</p>
<p>My point, I guess, is that whatever reasons your parents have, they will probably trump yours unless you can make it seem reasonable for them to make an exception on a case by case basis. It’s obvious, however unreasonable to you they seem, they love you very much and want what’s best for you.</p>
<p>As far as the other school nights and internet use go - choose your battles.
6 months goes fast.</p>
<p>kev…in a few months you will be on one big permanent sleep over. You gave away too much for the high school sleep overs. Nothing good is happening at a high school sleepover anyway. I let my kids go camping and travelling with their friends but put the kabash on ‘sleepovers’. Sleepovers are for 10 year old girls.</p>
<p>Try a renegotiation–11:30 internet closing time, bedtime of your choosing on Fri/Sat…11:30 to 12 bedtime on weekdays–or ‘self-management’. You could tell your parents that you need to self regulate your sleep in order to be able to function at college.</p>
<p>What are you downloading anyway?</p>
<p>As I said, if you don’t like this conservative upbringing–do it differently when you have your kids.</p>
<p>I agree that these rules seem very stringent for 12th graders however please do not use the argument to your parents that most of the parents here agree with you…parents do not really care what other parents on a forum think and it would probably make things worse. That said, I think the blocking of internet is not such a bad idea at least during the school week…think I’ll look into that for my lot…its very addictive as I know firsthand and if you were able to be on it until 2am, you would be. You should be able to set your own time for lights out. </p>
<p>Were all these rules really only implemented once you asked to sleepover some times?</p>
<p>I think you need to pick a relaxed time, perhaps over dinner and ask if there could be some compromise between what you want and what your parents want…also stress that your grades are not suffering and you will continue to work hard.</p>
Or older girls! My friends and I had “sleepovers” all the time on weekends and during the summer, and I’m guessing we’ll continue even though we’re all in college now. Of course, under-18s in my state can’t drive after midnight, so sometimes we’d need to spend the night. Our sleepovers were very innocent: movies, magazines, chatting, TV, baking. I somehow doubt that’s what teenage boys do, though. :)</p>
<p>We have no rules, other than to have no rules. My d. sleeps over at her friends’ house (a childless couple in their 50s) at least twice a week. She gets up at 5:30-6 in the morning to start her day, and spends at least four hours a day in the gym. She is a volunteer bookkeeper for several social justice organizations in town, and works on that at least 2-3 nights a week, and often has meetings the other evenings.</p>
<p>She calls us far, far too often, and we can’t seem to get her to stop. We have no rules about the Internet (she mostly doesn’t), tv (we watch much, much more than she does), drinking (she doesn’t, and has too many adult former alcoholic/addict friends for it even to come up), or sex (how we raised two prudes, I’ll never know - my wife’s rule of thumb is you are ready when you are able to discuss safe sex with your partner without giggling.) She’s a much better (and safer) driver than I am.</p>
<p>We had no rules for our older one either. I trust my kids. Heck, I raised 'em.</p>
<p>But parents get to make the rules, or the lack of 'em. That’s the way it works. Hopefully, they’ve put some money in the therapy fund alongside the college one. Hey, now you can blame 'em for life! Give 'em both a big kiss for me. :)</p>
<p>Sleepovers were bigger for my sons than for my daughter. Our house was the place the guys usually stayed. The reason for the sleepover was that way the kids were off the road by 11pm, then they could stay up as late as they wanted playing poker, playing ping pong, shooting pool, video games, movies, etc. We always kept it limited–no drops ins–and didn’t have problems. My daughter always liked her sleep more than social things after midnight.</p>
<p>I am surprised your parents have a problem with a weekend sleepover, unless it is at houses where they don’t know the parents or there is no parental supervision. I didn’t like the late nights more than one evening a weekend as the boys did seem to get their days and nights reversed. I never had a “bedtime” for the kids after they were about 8 years old. There is something to be said for natural consequences–if you stay up all night on computer or whatever — you pay the next day. Doesn’t take too many times to figure out you don’t like feeling that way.</p>