<p>My youngest, a 9th grader, began boarding school on the other coast this year. I have 2 in college and a high school junior at home. I also raised a niece and nephew who are away at college.</p>
<p>I miss my crowded house and I really want youngest home summers since she’s gone so often during school year. Is this selfish? She wants to spend time at home but there are so many fabulous summer opportunities.</p>
<p>We live in a large city and there are many things to do here too. Not to mention spending time with her mother.</p>
<p>Why don’t you send her to a summer day program in your city for a few weeks? She will get to spend plenty of time with you (which is very important for teenage girls, especially freshman and sophmore years) and get to experience a new program in her area of interest.</p>
<p>I’d want her home, too, but probably have her do some of both. Maybe a three week summer program, and the rest of the time at home with family? She’s still very young. I’d have no problem telling her she’s going to be home “most” of the summer. Ideally, I’d plan a family trip that you could enjoy with both high schoolers (and your older ones, if they’re available.)</p>
<p>Her friends at school spend summers at programs in Europe, RSI and TASP etc., it’s the norm for her peers. Friend has also invited her to their summer homes on Nantucket and in Europe!.</p>
<p>I believe this is a decision for you and your husband to make according to your family needs and desires. If you think a trip or program of some sort would be beneficial to your daughter’s growth, and you can work it out so she spends ample time at home as well, thats reasonable. But I sure wouldn’t feel presured to let her go just because she’s invited, and wants to.
What’s in her, and your family’s, best interest? Go from there.</p>
<p>I’m with WashDad and ASAP. If you and she think the programs or trips are a great idea, go for it. If she wants it and you don’t, she is 13 (14?) and you are the mom. Learning that family is a priority is an important life lesson. Equally as important as the “enrichment” the trips would provide. Knowing that your family loves you and wants you around? Priceless.</p>
<p>There is also ample room for a combination plate, I would think. Visit friend on Nantucket for a couple of weeks, rest of time at home.</p>
<p>Feeling pressure (if that’s what anyone is feeling, I’m not sure) for her to do the types of programs/travel that are the “norm” is no different than feeling pressure to have a 7-year old in a different structured activity every day of the week after school. The hurried child. Not a great thing, imho.</p>
<p>Besides, the day is soon coming when having her around for a whole summer will be a PITA. Send her on a program then :p. Just kidding. Sort of.</p>
<p>Taking from the other view, if she has not traveled, it could feel very uncomfortable when other kids talk about summer in Europe and all that. I’d let her pick one visit if it is affordable, plus some time home. The whole summer together often has midway blow-ups, even with easy-going best of friends at camp or summer programs, let alone at home with someone’s parents.</p>
<p>I wonder if the child with the two summer homes isn’t lamenting the fact that HER parents are expecting her to be home all summer and have allowed her to extend invitations partly to keep her happy. It can work for everyone, a short visit would be nice, but I wouldn’t feel obligated. Finances would definitely play a part in my decision and I also believe that a child who has the benefit of a rigorous b.s. education might need some down time in the summer and doesn’t have to worry so much about using the summer to make up for an inadequate curriculum or whatever. Also, if this is your d’s first summer after starting b.s., a lot of what she’s hearing from other students might simply be talk. When other students ask their parents about spending time away on summer programs, the answer might well be ‘no’. There might even be the occasional student who has to stay home and work to help pay for b.s. </p>
<p>I think a parent that has a child in b.s. is usually making a big sacrifice, separated from their child, and you have every right to expect d. to stay home, for the greatest reason a mom can ever give - because you said so.</p>
<p>She is well travelled and has lived abroad.</p>
<p>I guess I was just shocked to hear what her different classmates are doing for the summer. I assumed with the kids gone 7 months each year other parents also want their summers!</p>
<p>I don’t think she’ll miss much not visiting a friend on the ocean, but I wonder about the great summer programs. Will she miss the enrichment her sibs got summers or is it enough that she goes to a much stronger school than they did?.</p>
<p>If she can get into a program like RSI, I would send her in a heartbeat. It was life changing for my son. (And that would still be two years off.)</p>
<p>RSI is for rising seniors. For my son this was the first time in his life he was truly able to see that he is not the only kid in the world whose idea of a perfect summer is to spend it working on math problems. That sort of confirmation for a kid who has been something of a misfit at a regular public school can indeed be life-changing. To spend six weeks with seventy-four like-minded kids, some of whom are now his closest friends and college classmates, was a dream come true for him.</p>