<p>In my earlier post, I said being away from a family can be positive (as in being with the family is negative). I did not mean it in the sense that it builds independence. Some families have problems, and although I believe that being a part of your family and your core is very important, being away from the stress your family brings can help the student focus on his/her studies and passions (edit: and be happier). That’s what I meant-- sorry for the previous short & ambiguous statement!</p>
<p>Parents…I am interested in hearing about your backgrounds:</p>
<p>(1) Did you attend a boarding school?</p>
<p>(2) How would you describe your socioeconomic status?</p>
<p>(3) If you had to pick the one topic that you and your child talk about most,
what is it?</p>
<p>(4) In your social circles, do any of your friends’ children attend (or will they attend) a boarding school?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>One parent - yes, for part of high school; other parent - no
If you had asked me when my child was 11 or younger, I would say we would not send our child to BS but after living through public middle school, I realized how much my child would miss out on by not having the educational opportunity I did. </p></li>
<li><p>Upper middle class (I guess?) but live below our means </p></li>
<li><p>Can’t pick one - lots of talking, lots of topics </p></li>
<li><p>Nope - some people are shocked we are doing this, others are very happy for her and supportive - its been interesting to watch the reactions</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Goaliedad: The vast majority of adolescents “take wing” without having to go to boarding school. “Taking wing” means many different things in the world of adolescence, most of which don’t occur in boarding school. </p>
<p>I’m happy that my children spent their adolescence among their family unit. They, too, “took wing” during their adolescence, and also enjoyed the day-to-day experience of being with their parents and siblings. Many of the things one experiences in boarding school were experienced by my children when they went off to college anyways.</p>
<p>In the words of the MasterCard commercial, being there when my children needed a hug, a kiss or a shoulder to cry on was “priceless.”</p>
<p>I did not send my children to boarding school. I certainly could not affod it, nor did my children want to go. However, I can recognize some of the benefits people discuss.</p>
<p>old but wise: You ask parents for their in put but only as a ploy to lecture them about your own biases. This seems disingenuous.</p>
<p>My children were lucky enough to have a school in which academic achievement was not frowned on. The school only graduates 80 - 90 kids per year so they received a lot of attention and many opportunities. Nevertheless, one of his classmates went off to Philips Exeter. she had a wonderful experience.</p>
<p>I would have been better off at boarding school. My parents were dull suburbanites and I was reading Sartre, Nietzsche, Doestoyevsky, Rimbaud etc. by Jr. High. My parents thought I was weird. My only recourse was to graduate high school early. Now I have a Ph.D. Not all families are the best places for children either.</p>
<p>I hope my was for my children.</p>
<p>old but wise, it seems like you’re looking out for your benefits but maybe some people’s children feel that they’re benefited by leaving. So what? It’s their opinion, not yours, and by telling us that it’s best that children don’t leave their parents doesn’t mean that we’re going to completely change our minds of view. You’re on a board where boarding school is completely normal and encouraged. You’ve on a board with loads of parents who don’t MIND that they’re sending their kids off to boarding school because their kids WANT to go.</p>
<p>You need to actually do what it takes in an argument: look around at those opposing you, and actually listen to their views.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to sound angry, but I’m a little annoyed. Just because you’re telling us that you don’t think kids should go off to boarding school because they won’t get kissed by their parents 24/7 doesn’t mean that they don’t love their parents or have a connection just as much as those kids who stay home. </p>
<p>I’d also appreciate it if you responded to my very long PM that I sent you and listened to the many reasons that have been displayed on this board.</p>
<p>Of course, every parent wants to be with their kid for eternity. But they also need to look out for their children’s needs, which doesn’t mean that their children have to be around them constantly. Maybe that’s too strangling for a child. Maybe they need the option to stand on their feet once, look around, and take the opportunities handed to them. Because boarding school IS an opportunity that, in my opinion, outweighs the homesickness and leaves parents with much more mature, independent, and opinionated teenagers.</p>
<p>Don’t forget that some of boarding school attendance is cultural. Its what every man in my family on both sides has done as far back as anyone knows. I was the first girl to go, though. If its what a family’s used to, its a no brainer. Think of families in other cultures where going away to college is unfamiliar. They’d say, “how could you not live at home during college?” but here most kids try to go away for those years. We’ve thought about it for our kids. I was 45 mins. away and came home every other weekend. Our kids would have to travel by plane to school and wouldn’t be home regularly. We’d miss their concert performances, games, etc. so I doubt we will, but we talked alot about it. (H went, as did his brothers so he was open to considering it.)</p>
<p>Old but wise, I beg you to compare the diversity of kids at BS with those who go to public schools. You’ll find more kids of different races, countries, and status than you will find at most schools. Just listen to goaliedad. And because these kids are all of about the same academic ability, it is easier for them to bond with each other. I’d say it’s the best environment you can lay your hands on.</p>
<p>old but wise, i must say that your argument has great merit. However, I am one of the kids who WANT to go to boarding school. My parents are not forcing me, nor are they hindering me. While I have GREAT love for my parents, family, and friends at home, I have always been independant. I have always been looking for a challenge, to do something no one else was doing. I never have been “dependant” on my parents (Meaning, they aren’t really my mentors, the people i go to for help) . If thats a good or bad thing, I don’t know. Besides the independance factor, I think a boarding school would really offer better academics to suit my needs. Also, my parents are divorced, so that would solve the probelm of who gets to see me! (wink). Old but wise, I think you make some excellent points. However, not every case is the same.</p>
<p>You know – having a family that sits down and eats dinner together every single night, that constantly supports and constantly loves one another is what we have and would never want to change. Everyone has different needs. Noone in our families has ever gone to a boarding school. The idea of breaking up our family in any way is unbelieveably painful. However, as a parent, to my core I believe in loving my child, following my child, guiding my child and providing the very best that I can possibly provide for them in every aspect of their lives. My children are deeply loved and have been lovingly nurtured as well. They simply cannot get what they need from our public highschool. I cannot give in to my own needs of not wanting to let them go. It is not fair to them. I cannot be that selfish. I have said before on this board, it is not about me, it is completely about them. We are giving them what they and we believe that they need and what they want. It’s really not important what anyone else thinks. It is really not important what anyone else says. It’s silly to have this going on. People are on this board who, I’m sure like you Old But Wise, also really love and care about their kids and are trying to keep informed about issues that may affect their children. While I suppose it was nice for you to take the time to express your misgivings about people like us who make these decisions, so that in case we had not realized or thought about any of the issues you raised, your time might be spent more productively trying to convince yourself that there’s no point for any of us to spend our time convincing you.</p>
<p>Go back and read some of old’s earlier posts and you see what she is trying to do. Considering she doesn’t “have a horse in this race”, I think she needs to get a new hobby.</p>
<p>I believe Old but wise is trying to state what he/she thinks. While i disagree with some of Old But Wises’s observations, we must conclude that they have merit. As I said before people, keep an open mind to every possible thing or idea. This goes for everyone.</p>
<p>Old- if you are a retired public school guidance counselor, why on earth would you care why some people send their children to boarding school?</p>
<p>Just think of your arguments against old but wise as reaffirming your own beliefs that you made the right decision for yourself or your child (or both).</p>
<p>quoting old but wise
</p>
<p>So which part of “taking wing” can only happen at home and NOT at boarding school? Answer: None!</p>
<p>Which part of “taking wing” happens when a child is living in a situation where their parents are not present on a day-to-day basis? Answer: Since “taking wing” is all about doing it WITHOUT direct parental guidance or oversite, the boarding experience is all about “taking wing”. As long as a child lives with their parents, they live to that parent’s rules and expectations, many of which are tied up in the parent/child relationship. They are not truly (in a psychological sense) free agents to live to a community standard as they must at a boarding school. </p>
<p>Yes, at a boarding school, ultimately the child must answer to the parent (if they totally mess up), but removing the day to day parental supervision allows the child to learn to live to a community’s standards - exactly what “taking wing” is about being an accountable person in a community.</p>
<p>Yes, being physically near your child does have some benefits and the distance has some costs, but the strength they gaing from the increased independence more than makes up for the physical limitation.</p>
<p>I know I’m never going to convince you of this, of course. That is not your purpose here. I would only hope that you learn that all boarding school families are not what you have suggested. You ask about our backgrounds to reaffirm your beliefs, but I’ll tell you that I grew up as one of a handful of caucasians in inner city Los Angeles at one of the worst high schools in the city. I know the failings of public education first hand and by a strange set of circumstances, I was afforded the opportunity to attend one of the finest public universities in the country - many consider it the best. There I learned so much about life that my little parochial world that I came from would never have taught me. I worked with people I would have never had the chance to. 99% of my peers never were so lucky. </p>
<p>I owe it to my children to give them the broadest experience that I can. Boarding school is just one part of that.</p>
<p>You may be very comfortable with your children in the perceived security of your family cocoon, but the world is a big place and eventually it may find your children (of course it might not, if you manage it well enough). I hope they are ready if it does find them at an early age. Mine will be.</p>
<p>goaliedad: I understand your anger, but I do think you’ve overstated your case. I’m sure you don’t think boarding school is the only senerio that leads to a good outcome; nor do I think you really want to harbor negative thoughts about other people’s children.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading this forum for a couple of years now and I’m a firm believer in the benefits of Boarding School. Your post is the first that has made me wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Maybe a local elite day prep is a better option i’ll think about. Your words are powerful as somehow you’ve hit at my parental instincts. Is this really good to not be able to help your child during a crucial period in their life being hundreds of miles away.</p>
<p>mythmom: Thanks for the reminder. I am a bit upset by the ■■■■■■■■ nature of this thread. No, boarding school is not the only answer and I mentioned in my first post on the subject that is is only the right answer for some kids (those ready for such independence).</p>
<p>And I certainly do not wish ill upon anyone’s children. I just find the “gotta have the kids home at all cost” position of the OP to be so far out of line (hence the reference to ■■■■■■■■ on a BOARDING SCHOOL forum) that I almost think the OP has his head stuck in the sand about being able to protect his children from the evils of Boarding School (anorexia, depression, etc. that he mentioned earlier as side effects of boarding schools - all of which can happen anywhere) by keeping them at home. That is a false sense of security which should be pointed out.</p>
<p>Boarding School is an excellent opportunity for personal development for those ready for the challenge.</p>
<p>And I do have a child in public school as well. He is an Asperger’s high functioning autistic. Definitely NOT boarding school material. He does not have the social development to even spend a week at camp (I’ve tried that) without the regularity of routine of the home environment. Two very different siblings, two very different solutions. I know that one size does not fit all.</p>
<p>oldbutwise starts thread after thread (isn’t this the second or third time around with this particular topic??) just to preach at other posters and promote his/her own philosophy. It’s a free internet, but why the ploy about “wanting to hear from others”?</p>
<p>I’m sure oldbutwise’s family was the model for the Camdens on Seventh Heaven, but many of us didn’t manage to have the lovely family dinner every night where the TV was off and we all discussed our wonderful days. We were rushing around to athletic practices, jobs, business travel etc. Our kids struggled to find like-minded peers and to avoid social pressures. As parents, we struggled to make the right decisions for our kids and to help them learn to be independent while still keeping them safe.</p>
<p>I can honestly say I slept better after my kids (their choice) went to boarding school- D as an 11th grader and S as a 9th grader. They weren’t driving cars, they were in an intellectually stimulating community 24/7 and they were making lifelong friends with students AND faculty mentors. I posted in one of oldbutwise’s many other threads that D’s experience at Interlochen was life-changing for her. S’s 9th-10th grade schoolin TX had some flaws, but the school from which he ultimately graduated on the east coast provided things so far above what we could provide as a family that I consider it a blessing for our son and our whole family. I don’t expect you to understand this, oldbutwise, because my opinion is that you are some sort of whack-job, but I hope you will give it a rest.</p>
<p>P.S. There were so much more eating disorder issues AND suicides in our home community (affluent, stressful) than there were at my kids’ boarding schools that there truly was no comparison.</p>