Sending Kids to Boarding School -- Convince Me!

olivia567 · June 12, 2007, 5:09pm

Hahahaha, that made me laugh out loud.

But they accepted 40 more boys this year than girls - gives me a lot to choose from! ;)

ChaosTheory · June 12, 2007, 5:19pm

prettyckitty:

old but wise, I certainly cannnot answer this for every situation, but I will try to describe my own situation, and my reasons. While I will admit mine may come with some “extenuating circumstances”, and I understand that I probably cannot “convince you”, I do hope that I can paint a picture for you of how one child came to this decision.

I have wanted to attend boarding school for a long time. It is probably surprising. I have been interested in school since I was very long. I did not start wanting to attend prep school a year ago, when I started my applications. Not two years ago, when my mum moved away. Not three years ago, when I was starting middle school. No, I started wanting to attend boarding school five years ago–when I was eight years old.

That’s right, eight. Not even in double-digits. No, it was not Harry Potter-influenced, I swear. Eight was the age I started in public school, actually. I wanted to leave, and I started looking at boarding schools. All the schools I looked at where in England, where, by the way, it is custom to send children away to school at the age of seven. Naturally, my American parents, who didn’t even know about possibility of such young children going to school, refused. I would not be persueded. I continued. In the seventh grade, I succeeded in being accepted to an English boarding school. Unfortunately, for financial reasons, I was unable to attend. However, in the eighth grade, this year, I finally managed it. I will be attending Phillips Academy Andover next Autumn.

I chose boarding school for a myriad of reasons. Since you emphasize family and family connection in your posts, I will address first. Though this is, of course, a deeply personal area, I will say that we have “issues”. My family’s story includes a whirlwind of divorce, remarriage, breakups, moving, and includes my mum moving to Tucson when I was eleven (I have not had my mother to kiss me goodnight for several years now, so that’s not really an issue for me). I will not go into painful details, but I know that right not I am not in a very healthy environment. Some families cannot or will not provide the support a child needs, and that child will be better nurtured somewhere else, at least in that stage of their life. Not every child has the same kind of family that yours grew up in, and you would do well to remember that.

Can a child be “smart” in a public school? I don’t know about “a” public school; I haven’t attended them all. My public school: Well, I suppose you can, but it’s not really a matter of can. It’s a matter of “Is being intellectually focused and/or gifted encouraged, nurtured, and not made fun of by peers?” The answer is no. I have been struggling with public education since the day I walked into my first public school. I personally believe that the very foundation of public schooling is wrong, that it is not child-based, but corporation and factory-based, and detrimental to children (please let’s not start discussing this, though; just assume that it is true for me, which only I could know, since that’s all that matters in this context). For example: During the 8th grade, every 8th child at my school must write an “I-Search” a research paper on any topic of your choice. It is typically between 7-15 pages. Mine was 76. I had a lot to say. I realize that’s a lot, and I didn’t mind that some kids were slightly in awe of it. However, I did mind when a friend’s English teacher, upon hearing, by rumor, that such a paper had been written by a child at my school (she doesn’t know who I am), said to a few kids in her class who informed her of it, “No child here could do that, and if they did, it’s all plagerized.” As someone who spent over twenty hours doing footnotes, factchecking, and listing sources for that paper, I take that insult particularly hard. It speaks to me about not only the expectations at my school, but the prejudice against those who rise above them. Andover is a place where that does not happen. That’s the kind of place that I want to be, and that I believe all children should be. (Not at prep school, necessarily, but at a place that honors all aptitudes and all skills–all meanings including not the norm, even above.)

As a final note, about diversity, I will say this. While punks, goths, and failing students may not populate the majority of the Andover population, that doesn’t mean that they are excluded from the students life. Kids see children not only of different backgrounds (who attend there school) but also kids of different appititudes and different strengths, in their work with the community around them. And one last thing about diversity: I go to school in Berkeley, one of the supposedly most diverse places in the nation, and I will say this: the cliques are extrodinarily racially segregated, and in my geometry honors class, the highest tracked class you can take, there is one African-American child, one biracial child, and about 60% white and 35% Asian. I don’t want to experiance diversity where it is all numbers and no actual interaction between different groups. The kind of diversity I see at Andover is true diversity: where different children of different races, religions, sexes, family backgrounds, and cultures not only attend the same school in name–they attend the same school in spirit, together.

So, old but wise, what do you think? Did this convince you, at least in my case?

Oh snap. Someone got slayed. :D

tommeister · June 12, 2007, 5:21pm

I imagine this thread could actually turn out to be useful, with posts like J’s, maybe convincing some undecided parent to let their kid give bs a shot.

dke · June 12, 2007, 5:51pm

My brother went to Choate went St. John was the headmaster in the early 60’s. He really did know all the boys. His roommate dropped a water balloon from a dorm room on him (St. John) and thought he’d gotten away with it. At graduation, St. John shook his hand, gave him his diploma, and handed him a little red balloon. The guy was blown away. Someone mentionned a very good reason of why parents send their kids to boarding school and that is if the nature of their work has them moving around alot. A couple of my boarding school friends had parents who moved internationally every couple of years. It seemed OK for grammar school, but for secondary school they thought the kids should have some continuity in their schooling, and with their friends. For these families, hands down it was the right decision.

olivia567 · June 12, 2007, 5:59pm

Dke, that’s hilarious. I love that.

LindaCarmichael · June 12, 2007, 7:33pm

<ol>
<li> No (went to public schools)</li>
<li> Middle class</li>
<li> School and music are our topics.</li>
<li> No </li>
</ol>

My son is an only and went off to BS 20 miles from home with three of his 8th grade classmates. It might not be for every kid, but mine loves it and has thrived in the environment. On vacations, he spends a lot of time with me; and there are lots of breaks throughout the academic year, so it is not as though your child disappears from the face of the earth.

I do miss him.

Linda C.

D_yer_Maker · June 12, 2007, 8:55pm

Your reservations, LindaC, called to mind the following quote that I’ve pointed out to people who don’t understand:

Source: <a href=“http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_n33_v14/ai_21239822[/url]”>http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1571/is_n33_v14/ai_21239822</a>

It’s not an easy decision. For the parent, there’s a sacrifice. But once you decide that it’s the right choice for a child, you are compelled to do what’s right…even though it’s going to hurt. It’s actually a most unselfish gesture.

drnancie · June 12, 2007, 10:00pm

Yes, dy’er, and cry all the time when the words to the Tarzan songs come on the radio. (“You’ll be in my heart…”)

liza42 · June 12, 2007, 10:12pm

d’yer maker… I have been dying to say this, and this is really off the topic… but i really love the Led Zeppelin song of your namesake! lol.

abercrombielov93 · June 12, 2007, 10:20pm

I just wanted to say this topic has been very helpful! I am planning to show it to my mother and I think it will help my case and hopefully she will no longer think I am nuts. I have also wanted to go to bs since I was young, at about age 9 my mind was made up! Now I just have to change my mothers…

olivia567 · June 12, 2007, 10:22pm

I LOVE TARZAN!!

I don’t like some of Led Zeppelin’s songs that much tho… :/

Yay, we’ve helped at least one person. :D

abercrombielov93 · June 12, 2007, 10:23pm

Yes, you guys most definatly have!

olivia567 · June 12, 2007, 10:23pm

Hey abercrombie!

You’re applying to Choate right?!?

abercrombielov93 · June 12, 2007, 10:26pm

Yes I am. At first I thought it was a school with many cliques but the more I look at it the more I like it! So far SPS and Choate are my favorite reaches!

olivia567 · June 12, 2007, 10:27pm

Yaaay. I hope you got the PM I sent you. Maybe if you visit Choate anytime after November 27, I can tour you. Though I doubt you will… most people visit before then, though I can’t be a tour guide fall term because I’m a new third former. :/

abercrombielov93 · June 12, 2007, 10:38pm

Well, I am not sure when I would visit. Though I actually think I would visit after November 27 because I would like someone from my grade to tour me. I am applying for grade 10.

prpdd · June 13, 2007, 10:21am

Olivia, wasn’t there when George St. John was headmaster of Choate. I think he retired somewhere around 1947. I may be old, but I’m not that old.:)

BTW - If you really want to get obsessive about Choate, you should read a book called “A World of Our Own”. It was written in the late 60’s and is about the school and some of the changes that were taking place during that time. I would say it’s primary interest is historical, rather than providing you with much relevant information about the Choate of today. However, it will give you an interesting snap shot of that point in time and some insight into what prep schools were like in the 60’s.

Other prep school reading -
(i) A Separate Peace - Probably the best book ever written about BS;

(ii) Death Be Not Proud - About Deerfield. Later turned into a made for tv movie;

(iii) The Rector of Justin - This fictional BS is based on Groton I think. Considered a classic, but kind of slow going.

(iv) World According to Garp - parts of this book set in a fictional BS. Like Garp, the author, John Irving, grew up and attended a BS. I think it was Exeter.

(v) Catcher in the Rye - not really about BS, but main character goes to BS.

Actually, it occurs to me that this post has some relevance to the original thread. Not an accident that there are so many books about BS. For most kids BS is a life changing experience. Living among your peers at this stage in your life allows a depth of friendship to develop that simply does not exist in a normal high school experience.

veryscary · June 13, 2007, 10:33am

How about one year of boarding school following high school graduation? Has anyone done this PG year for their child? We are seriously considering it for our rising senior as a way to boost his academics and better prepare him for college…any advice?

jedwards · June 13, 2007, 10:35am

That’s so ironic, drnancie - that song is mine and my d’s “song,” as it were…has been since she was little. makes me cry too, but the words are so true.

It IS very much a sacrifice for many parents to send their children to bs. It is for us - both financially AND most especially, emotionally. I miss her SO much…but, I believe it is the best place for her, and so does she. It is NOT about me, but about what’s best for my children. "nuff said.

liv_amp_learn · June 13, 2007, 11:09am

Oh my God, Drnancie. That song’s too much to bear. So beautiful.

Sending Kids to Boarding School -- Convince Me!

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