My parents’ friend, a widow 80+ years old, is in a very sad situation. She is physically and mentally abused by her adopted daughter, likely a psychopath with other untreated mental health issues. However, out of some misplaced feelings of guilt she doesn’t want to involve authorities. Last time she ended up in a hospital and police was called, but she refused to file a complaint. Are there any ways her friends can involve authorities without her consent? They’re seriously worried her daughter is trying to get a power of attorney from her and then murder her to get the inheritance (not insignificant).
Does this woman have other family members you can talk to? And if she ended up in the hospital, they are mandated reporters who did notify social services. So if any of her friends see actual evidence of abuse, they can contact social services, where there will likely be a file on this woman.
You can call police to do a welfare check on the 80 year old woman.
If you witness mistreatment, then you file a police report.
Call any social services agency in your area & ask for advice.
That is so sad. There should be information here that can help:
There are attorneys who specialize in elder law. Maybe one can offer some free advice over the phone.
The Department of Aging in her city should be able to help provide guidance.
See something, say something!!!
Contact the State/County/City Department of aging. In most states, they have to begin an investigation within 72 hours. Gather as many facts as possible.
I have a friend in a similar situation who lives in PA. I’m halfway across the country, but I’ve called both the local police on occasion and also the senior services agency for her county. Unfortunately, my friend fears retribution (for good reason) from her adult son, who is the abuser. Fortunately, he now lives separately from her, but she is still dependent on him for rides to the grocery store and medical appointments and he emotionally abuses her during those times. She pays for the car that he keeps and drives. She will not let me report him again, because she is afraid of him.
Most senior abusers are unfortunately and sadly, known by the senior. The bulk being a family member or caregiver. It is an under reported and under investigated crime on our most vulnerable population.
If you care about someones well being, you need to interfere immediately or the abuse will continue and progressively get worse.
Would you look the other way if a child was being abused?
Can’t tell you how much elder abuse angers me.
Just talked to my mom, found out new details even worse. Turns out a while ago when this woman’s husband was alive, they tried to get a restraining order. However, the mother doesn’t speak English well, and the daughter presents as well-spoken, calm and smart woman (as psychopaths often do) so it was very easy for her to convince the judge that the mother was just demented. Her closest friends (all immigrants) don’t want to interfere, they’re convinced it’s only going to make it worse as the authorities will believe the daughter again, and she will take it out on the mother or succeeds in declaring her legally incompetent. The daughter is also litigious and has sued some family friends in the past (not sure why but presumably they tried to interfere or give financial advice), so now everybody is scared of her. There are no other relatives as far as I know, or at least none who care. I can’t really interfere against everybody’s wishes, considering I’ve only seen the woman a couple of times and never even talked to her. It all sounds like a bad soap opera but makes me sick in my heart.
Similar to my friend’s situation- the son threatens to get her declared incompetent and put her in a psych hospital (both my friend and the son are on welfare, by the way). These are heart breaking situations with no easy solution.
But you can’t get someone declared incompetent if they are not incompetent. They may not get a cadillac evaluation, but the probate court should refer them for an evaluation by a medical and/or mental health professional…
look up resources on ElderCareMatters.com
There are anonymous reporting lines in many locations. I agree, they don’t just declare someone incompetent based on some relative’s say-so.
The shame is how so many people lean back and find reasons to do nothing.
On another note, my SIL was a social worker assigned to elder abuse. She did say, many cases were not prosecutable. But that her dept was obliged to at least initially investigate. One issue is whether the elder is a reliable reporter. I’m sorry to say that, because I do feel this should be reported.
In NJ, in order to be ruled incompetent, 2 doctors need to see the patient and complete a competency physical within 15 days of each other. The doctor reports are extensive. A judge then needs to review reports, question the patient and/or doctors depending on case. It isn’t an easy process and judges will not sign off without being 100% certain. It also costs about 10k to have the complete process start to finish, if its an easy case.
Sounds like translation services are needed. Sounds like a translator was needed before.
This link for American Translators Association has directory for court approved translators.
https://www.atanet.org/onlinedirectories/search_advanced.php
Some immigrant aid networks or churches have volunteers for legal or translation services.
If immigrant friends could be persuaded to help her find lawyer , navigate court/ restraining order process. If restraining order was being sought before husband’s death, that is pertinent. There may be a record.
Elder law lawyer with immigrant background would be ideal. State bar association may be able to recommend.
Also see online legal services like avvo or justanswer. May get initial free consultation . May cost less than $100 for further phone conversation on specific options.
And as others have said, the local county should have an elder abuse hotline.
Advice from AARP article:
"How to get help:
People who witness any form of abuse should call 911.
A state-by-state list of places to report elder abuse is available on the U.S. Administration on Aging’s National Center on Elder Abuse website, ncea.aoa.gov, or by calling 800-677-1116."
Elder law attorney here. The options depend on your state and local government. You are in a tough spot because what you know you know second hand. Police well checks and a report to adult protective services are options for you, but Honestly don’t expect much. No offense intended to those who do that work, it is just that they are usually overworked.
Do you want to get involved? Because if you do, probably the first step is simply to spend time with her. Isolation is a major marker of elder abuse. The more people spend time with her the better for lots of reasons - loneliness is a huge health problem for the elderly. Also, if the abuser blocks your access, then you have personal experience that you can report to the authorities. To be clear, I am not suggesting you do anything confrontational whatsoever. Just socialize.
These situations are awful and complicated. I guarantee you there is more to it than what you see. But elder abuse is absolutely an epidemic. I am glad you are paying attention. The challenge can be finding a way to help that doesn’t up-end the elder’s life. She deserves to be treated with dignity, and you don’t want to put her in more danger. Proceed gently.
In PA where my friend is you can be locked up for 3 days in a psych hospital if a credible person reports that you are a danger to yourself or others. The investigative process starts during the 3 days.