<p>Yes, indeed, GFG’s daughter won the BIG prize. I had to remind mine of that a couple of times.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The parents of about 5 girls who didn’t make cheerleader at our school unsuccessfully appealed the decision. I felt sorry for the girls that the pain was prolonged. Normally the cycle is cry on Friday night when the list comes up, be depressed on Saturday, do your homework on Sunday, go to school on Monday, the decision all in the past. The parents’ action delayed the process by about a month and I bet that was hard on the girls.</p>
<p>bovertine, I have colleagues who explicitly acknowledge that what they do is unfair, but justify it on the grounds that “Life is unfair,” as I mentioned in the earlier post. I think most people will come closer to a fair process if they are trying to be fair than if they make no attempt.</p>
<p>
The implication here is that the administrators or whoever develop criteria for school awards at the schools in question are not trying to be fair, just purposefully giving out awards unfairly with some twisted justification. I just don’t buy that. I suspect if you ask them, they will say they are doing what they think is fair, and have developed a fair process, but some people disagree.</p>
<p>Unless of course you are merely making a general statement, not necessarily applicable to the cases we are discussing. In that case, I don’t think anybody could disagree with the last sentence of your post.</p>
<p>One purpose of the awards - with nebulous qualifications - is often because it often presents an opportunity for award determiners (typically faculty) to acknowledge and laud the contributions of students who have flown under the radar. It is a way to recognize the value of a kid who has shown up to class daily with a positive attitude, worked consistently hard to the best of his abilities, contributed in class and offered help to others… and generally done well, but has been continually overshadowed by the accomplishments of the “grade grubbers” or “brilliant” students who have managed to garner every last point needed to get the highest point in every class, but perhaps did not help to make the classroom a positive learning environment for others or demonstrate the joy of learning which characterized the kid who is handed the math or English award.</p>
<p>The person who is the “best” by objective criteria is not always the person who is seen as best or most deserving by the people who work with that person on a daily basis. </p>
<p>Its hard for a parent to know. The parent sees the grades, not the process by which they were gained. My son very likely got – or could have gotten – the highest marks in his high school calculus class – but he rarely showed up to class. He was just one of those kids who was intuitively good in math. He was bored in class when the teacher was trying to explain concepts to others who struggled, so he convinced the teacher to grade him based on exams only… and slept in. (Calculus was first period of the day so.) Should a kid like him get the math award? Clearly math is his his strongest subject, and he’s way ahead of the others in his class. Fortunately, in that instance, I as a parent was well aware of my son’s lazy habits, and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted or expected an award for that.</p>
<p>I’m actually not suggesting that the people giving out high school awards are not trying to be fair, based on their selection criteria. I’m making a comment about some of my colleagues, in specific. </p>
<p>The generalization I intend is: Yes, life is unfair. So what is a person going to do about that? Shrug it off, and say, “Get used to it” ? Or resolve personally to be as fair as possible? I see both reactions where I work.</p>
<p>often times “fairness” is like beauty…all in the eyes of the beholder… when your child wins an award then obviously the system is fair…when he/she doesnt then the fairness is called into question.</p>
<p>have been on both sides of this…son who wins multiple awards for which i am extremely proud, and son that hasnt and probably wont ever win awards. know my emotions with each… its isnt a fairness thing imo, its a gut reaction.</p>
<p>
Oh, okay. My misunderstanding.</p>
<p>“have been on both sides of this…son who wins multiple awards for which i am extremely proud, and son that hasnt and probably wont ever win awards. know my emotions with each… its isnt a fairness thing imo, its a gut reaction.”</p>
<p>Amen, parent56. But the one who won’t be gathering the awards makes me (and his many friends) laugh.</p>
<p>Just came from our school’s award ceremony. My pet peeve: the language department awards when the teachers giving them talk only in the language the award is for. I’m sure they have many nice things to say about that student… but since most of the audience doesn’t speak whatever language is, we have no idea what those good qualities are. I’m sure they think it is cute to do that. Our school doesn’t happen to offer the only foreign language I speak, so I don’t “get” any of them :(</p>
<p>“But the one who won’t be gathering the awards makes me (and his many friends) laugh.”</p>
<p>We have the same in our family. One who gathers awards and another who makes himself relevant by his wit and personality.</p>
<p>“At the same time, though, schools DO give these awards. Given a very flawed system, we’re discussing how they might make it as fair as possible.”</p>
<p>Boycotting these silly awards nights seems the simplest and most effective solution to me. If some administrator makes them mandatory, send your kid armed with an iPod and permission to use it. Problem solved.</p>
<p>I have to admit that my conviction that high school is made up of foolishness in this form and many others led me to flunk out, which made my life much more difficult. So I acknowledge that it’s possible to go too far in adopting the attitude that none of it is worth serious attention. That said, moving a little bit in that direction would probably be a good thing for most CC kids.</p>
<p>Having followed this fascinating thread from the beginning, I am going to bestow my own awards – the Frazzies – on the following high schools for outstanding achievement in cluelessness:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Marian’s hs (post 26), for requiring award ceremony attendees to wear (and, in Marian’s case, purchase) dress-up clothes, then bestowing a non-school award on Marian’s son that he had already known about – for 9 months; </p></li>
<li><p>Sylvan’s hs (post 91), for awarding a perfect attendance award to a transfer student whose first day at school was the same day as the award ceremony;</p></li>
<li><p>Bulletandpima’s hs (post 98), for its Best Drivers Ed award, for kids who don’t have their permits yet;</p></li>
<li><p>Srystress’ hs (post 117), for failing to let the long-term 1st ranked student know that she was no longer #1, and allowing her family to be seated in the seats traditionally reserved for the val’s family, then announcing the new top-ranked student during the ceremony itself; </p></li>
<li><p>The GFG’s hs (post 265), for charging $45 bucks a head to attend awards night (I don’t care if there’s a meal involved, that’s obnoxious).</p></li>
</ul>
<p>But the Ultimate Grand Supreme Frazzie goes to - wait, it’s a tie! </p>
<p>Malan89’s hs (post 335), for: making Awards Night mandatory; holding the Senior Dinner and Senior Awards Night on the same evening but in two different locations, so that attendees have to drive to both and find parking twice; pointing out which awards are based on demonstrated financial need, for the benefit of all; allowing outside speakers to drone on for several minutes before presenting awards; taking up almost 4 hours for the whole gala affair</p>
<p>And sokkermom1’s hs (post 345), for making awards night mandatory, even for the students who are not receiving awards, and (truly exceptional cluelessness here) for having 4 graduation speakers: the val, the sal, and the val’s and sal’s best friends.</p>
<p>Sorry to those other high schools out there, but life is not fair.</p>
<p>Great post, frazzled1! It should get an award!</p>
<p>^^^ Thank you. But if it doesn’t, I’m just going to try to move on. :)</p>
<p>It sounds like the trick to surviving awards season is to admit that the processes are flawed. Don’t set your heart on any one outcome. Then be pleasantly surprised is something comes your student’s way. </p>
<p>Ha, I guess it’s not much different than surviving college app season for “reach schools”. Except that there’s no anguish about the resulting financial burden should your student “win”.</p>
<p>I think it’s healty for the awards disappointed to have a place to rant, but I also think it’s healthy for parents to not keep bringing it up to the kid involved. I admit that there are still 3-4 kid-injustices that I can’t let go of (including that bad call at third base when D was in second grade!) but I truly never speak of them. The danger is that the student start thinking of herself as a “loser.”</p>
<p>I think each of us could write our life story in terms or the failure, or in terms of the successes…</p>
<p>Example: Missed Val. by a wisker, went to a directional state U
OR</p>
<p>Had terrific grades in HS, got into a nationally ranked program</p>
<p>Example: Made partner late
OR</p>
<p>Was allowed to take three maternity leaves and made equity partner at great law firm</p>
<p>We need to encourage our children to write their life stories in terms of their successes.</p>
<p>Very nicely said, Missypie. </p>
<p>My D tends to be what we all tease her is “Debbie Downer.” But seriously, it’s the kind of thing that she needs to be gently and lovingly reminded that if you sit around and focus on what you didn’t get / achieve / win, you’ll never get anywhere.</p>
<p>And I think a young woman who is heading off to Stanford, of all places, needs to internalize that she’s off to great adventures and great things, and it doesn’t help her to be surrounded by an atmosphere where perceived high school slights are seen as tremendously upsetting to the whole family.</p>
<p>Here’s a rant in a different direction. Student was recognized at awards ceremony including a scholarship given by a local merchant (there were many of these.) But the merchant did not show up at the event and the envelope given to the child was empty. So student goes to the guidance office (they administer the local merchant scholarships) and they say to contact the merchant and “in your thank you note, ask politely how to obtain the money.” Yes, of course the student should be writing a thank you note but shouldn’t that be taking place after the delivery of the award?</p>
<p>Wow. I hope the student gets the money!</p>
<p>My S got a Thomas Jefferson UVa book award Jr. year, but there was no book. Months later, there was never a book. :(</p>