<p>“it’s still impossible for some of you to believe that it just might be the case that the student not chosen for an award could have been superior in every way to the child who won the award?”</p>
<p>GFG, I believe in your case, your daughter was unfairly passed over for an award. I don’t blame you and her for feeling hurt by this snub. And yes, I believe it happens at other HS’s all over the country. But, I don’t believe anyone is superior in every way to another.</p>
<p>The other thing is that we don’t like it when our kids’ feelings are hurt. High school is very emotional and kids do not get everything they want. And sometimes, the most deserving kids don’t win the award. </p>
<p>In a lifetime, high school recognition may not be that big of a thing, but right now, it is front and center for kids who are graduating. And rejection can be devistating. As a fifty-something, it’s a little easier for me to put things in perspective. But for an 18-year-old, whose identity is wrapped up in whatever activity they excell in, not being recognized really hurts.</p>
<p>And for those who say high school doesn’t matter, I would answer that the award that made me feel the best, was a high school award. And I have enjoyed a very nice life. And there are plenty of high school classmates who will be happy to see me at my reunion next year because I have gained 80 pounds since graduation. Wouldn’t want them to think I have it all.</p>
<p>There are activities we do because they’re enjoyable, help relax us, and contribute in various ways to our well-being. Maybe you like to curl up with a good book, or plant a vegetable garden, or build furniture in the garage. These are usually non-competitive activities which we pursue for their own sake. There are other activities which are competitive events by their very nature. And yes, people engage in them because the goal is to test oneself, to win or place well, or to best a previous result. External assessment is an integral aspect to the event. Just because a student artist submits a work to a juried competition does not mean that’s why she paints. But if painting in the studio alone were all she were interested in, then she’d keep her work to herself and stay home. She’s looking to receive positive and negative feedback and see how she stacks up compared to other artists of her age. And if she were to win a prize, she’d probably be very happy to stick around to receive the award and the applause! And if her work was superior but the award went to the judge’s niece, she’d probably feel cheated.</p>
<p>I think this also touches on what quantmech was saying. In a school setting, there are requirements placed upon students by teachers and coaches which don’t personally suit any given student well and may not benefit him at all. Yet the student submits himself to the “rules of the game” because he wants a certain result at the end-usually a good grade. So maybe he studies hard anyway for that nitpicky teacher who gives ridiculous exams–not because it’s important he learn the minutia but because he wants to play the game. If at the end of the game, however, the reward is withheld and given to someone who didn’t play it as well, he will perceive that as quite unfair. If it was all about meeting his own need to learn and enjoy, he wouldn’t have made the stupid diorama, now would he?</p>
<p>lol…</p>
<p>I was passed over for a couple of HS departmental awards despite better grades, external department-related awards and SAT scores because the two department heads involved wanted to reward two guys instead, and despite the vote of the faculty. The department heads “didn’t want a girl beating all the boys.” Was told this by two teachers in the departments who were there when decisions were made. </p>
<p>It bothered me for years – the silver lining is that I learned to downplay the importance of awards to my kids because no how matter how well they did, politics could still intervene.</p>
<p>Are y’all on Facebook? It’s so interesting to see what everyone is doing 34 years after HS graduation. Yes, a few kids who were “destined” to do great things actually have done great things. But one has been a cashier at the local grocery store for 20+ years. And a never recognized guy got a graduate degree at an Ivy and now has a very powerful position. As the parent, please try to encourage the long view to your kids (but still feel free to rant away here.)</p>
<p>Hey missypie, we must be the same age.</p>
<p>“superior in every way…” WOW. </p>
<p>that says it all. that sentiment explains all the ranting, moaning, whining and grudge-carrying that’s rampant in this thread. incredible.</p>
<p>And we shouldn’t overlook the damage a teacher can do to the child who is unfairly awarded. There will always be someone, and probably more than one, who will march right up to the kid and tell him he didn’t deserve the award and only got it because his mom volunteers all the time. He will feel the resentment of his friends and classmates. </p>
<p>And I also don’t think those really sweet students that teachers love would enjoy publicly receiving 6 awards while their hardworking friends get nothing. I remember when an acquaintance of mine received six academic awards at the middle school ceremony. He was so mortified! He did not believe he deserved all of them, and said that even if he did, he wished the school would have given a few to someone else. He was a smart kid, but not the smartest or best student. He was definitely the nicest kid in the school, though–the kind every mom would want their D to bring home. The girl at D’s ceremony who won a lot of honors seemed to be getting very embarrassed too. She’s probably a really nice person, but it’s a little hard to believe she was more fabulous than 700 other kids in so many diverse subjects like art, phys ed., and psychology.</p>
<p>
Well, GFG, I would have thought these were rhetorical questions, but I guess they aren’t. Maybe we really do live in the best of all possible worlds.</p>
<p>So here’s a question: Suppose that all of you had another kid currently in 8th grade, and headed to the same high school as your older child. The HS announces that due to the drama surrounding awards season, they are canceling all the senior awards. Everybody’s achievements (high grades, sports team captain, solo in the choir) are just that, without more official kudos.</p>
<p>Are you happy or unhappy about this move? If unhappy, why?</p>
<p>I’d be unhappy. Usually, the drama is pretty minimal, and most of the awards aren’t anomalous, as I said before. Just because a process can be manipulated and sometimes has unfair results, doesn’t mean the whole process should be thrown out. It should be improved, if possible–although there will always be a risk of unfairness.</p>
<p>Awards ceremonies have evolved over the decades. Before my older child was in high school (and I was invited to attend one), I gave them very little thought. I still give them very little thought although I have enjoyed this thread. It would not bother me a bit if awards ceremonies were suspended.</p>
<p>Earlier this year, DS was inducted in to his language’s honor society. I went to the ceremony and told my colleagues I was going because it was probably the only award he would ever get. Around here, if your kid isn’t getting an award, you don’t go to the ceremony, which is held during school hours. Only the kids who are being recognized parents get invited to the ceremony. No one else goes. Sounds like a pretty good system.</p>
<p>OK, so that’s why you don’t think the awards are bad – but why do you think they are good? What’s the potential loss to your 8th grader as a result of this change?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I do have an 8th grader moving to the HS. I’d be fine with cancelling the senior awards ceremony. The school does a very nice dinner for the top 20 students from each HS; I’d hope that would continue, because that is a big motivating factor. But I really don’t think a certificate at the awards ceremony motivates anyone to do anything.</p>
<p>Calimami–don’t deliberately misunderstand. You know that I meant “superior in every criteria the award measures”–I wasn’t implying an inherent superiority of personhood. And yes it IS possible for that to be the case. D holds four individual school records–the other girl none. D is co-holder of several school and county relay records too-the other girl none. D was captain in 3 sports for 2 years, this girl was never a captain (so I doubt the coach thought the girl was a better role model or leader than D or he would have named her captain too or instead). D medaled at the state championships all 4 years, the other girl never even qualified. D medaled twice at a national meet–other girl did not ever qualify. In fact, she wasn’t even varsity all four years. (Just in case, D also has a higher GPA, higher SAT’s, and a took a more rigorous curriculum). D kept working hard to improve, and broke at least one of her own records each year. D never missed a practice or meet except for illness. The other girl got caught skipping distance runs to play Guitar Hero. The other girl got an award for “athletic ability.” D only got a participation award that every senior who played a sport senior year got.</p>
<p>Give up, GFG. Even if you tell us the other girl was imprisoned for caniballism, and sent a disguised stand-in to all the track meets, you will be told that there must be some good reason she got the award and your kid didn’t.</p>
<p>
I have, but happily only once.</p>
<p>As to the question of just eliminating awards, there’s a lot to be said for it. I remember filling out college applications many eons ago. In the space where it asked about awards we all got to fill in “Our high school does not believe in awards.” It didn’t stop us getting accepted to all sorts of elite colleges.</p>
<p>The other girl does have curlier hair than D. She also has an older brother who was a better runner than D’s older brother. Could that be it maybe?</p>
<p>So glad to hear it’s not just our child’s school.
The problem I have is that we’re an ethnic minority and my husband looks at all of the nepotism, the good ol’ boys and all the rest down south and just assumes that the reason our kids weren’t awarded is because of racism. And I’m never quite sure what to tell him. I do think some of the local community based scholarships probably do prefer the white anglo-saxon protestants.</p>
<p>My son asked me the other day why there is one award per gender per year per sport for each athletic team (9th grade boys lacrosse, 10th grade girl’s soccer), but there’s only one for orchestra and one for band. Seemed like a valid question to me, but maybe it’s typical.</p>
<p>That and the fact that at their last school we had this ridiculous music teacher who loved to declaim “We are all talented musicians.” She liked to give awards to everyone. Er,yes, but this child is pounding on a bucket with a drumstick, this one is lip syching to Lady gaga while jiggling her butt and this one is composing a symphony. Do you really think they are ALL equally talented musicians? Let’s hope you don’t advise the first two to apply to Julliard.</p>