<p>I would hope that here on these boards we can express how we are feeling without being judged. I know that I am capable of being entirely mature, wise, and supportive with my child despite any inner turmoil I might feel. I think the cafe is a place where we can be less than perfect - admit our doubts - and hope that others will encourage us.</p>
<p>Now - if someone is saying or doing something that sounds harmful to their child - different story, but I think the OP just needs a little understanding as she tries to do right by her daughter.</p>
<p>ucmomhopeful,
Darn, I was hoping you were going to post that your daughter decided to go with friends or asked somebody to go with her as a date. I hope that come Saturday night she doesn’t regret not doing one of those things. And I can definitely relate to the hormone thing, living with two teenagers myself…you just can’t predict what teenagers are going to do. One minute they are looking to you for comfort and the next minute they are mad when you comfort them. You just can’t win. I’m sure that deep down your daughter appreciates very much your caring and support. I just really wish she’d go to that prom…</p>
<p>I went alone to my prom. And I looked HOT. And I still have that killer Betsey Johnson prom dress, which still fits 17 years later. </p>
<p>I strongly recommend this approach to any young women who aren’t “asked to the dance.” Buy a smoking, sizzling hot dress and work the hell out of that red carpet. You’ll be very glad you did.</p>
<p>Recently at our hs…
A group of the Sr girls all went together
–had a limo,
went as a group to hang out and have a great time…
they all looked lovely–
They chose to not go with dates and it was a fun girls night out–last bash before leaving for college.
…maybe that would be an idea.</p>
<p>And I still have that killer Betsey Johnson prom dress, which still fits 17 years later</p>
<p>It has only been SEVENTEEN years since you were in high school?</p>
<p>My high school is having their 35th reunion this year.
I loved Betsey when she sold stuff through Nordstroms.I even have a dress that I bought at one of her boutiques but I lent it to one of my daughters when * they* were in high school and they put it in the dryer.
Now maybe if I lost 10 lbs I could wear it as a top.
:(</p>
<p>But Re: prom- I never went to prom- I really wasn’t into it & I was freaked out by the whole thing-didn’t like so many people.</p>
<p>My oldest brought a girlfriend ( I didn’t realize at the time it was a * girlfriend* I am slow), to jr prom- but for senior year-( with my encouragement) she brought a friend(boy) who she had known since grade school and who had been out of the country for a year when his father won a Fulbright senior scholar award. ( so he had also taken a year away from school).
They were absolutely adorable- although their limo never came- so his mom gave them a ride. </p>
<p>My younger daughter is more of the gorgeous type than her sister who is perky and cute- but she didn’t date in high school, mostly cause she is not flirty at all and she was too busy. She went to prom with a group of friends- she has some great pictures of about 8 girls and four guys - she also told me that she preferred going stag, because then she could dance with who she wanted and there wasn’t so much drama.
( how she got so smart- I don’t know)</p>
<p>My daughter was asked to go with some girls, but she said she doesn’t want to and even though I told her it would still be fun, it’s her decision. (See, I can let go!!) Having a son who is in his 2nd year at UCSD, I know about giving space etc…, Still, I am a mother, a “jewish mother” at that and when your children hurt, you hurt, even when they say they are fine!! I know it’s gonna sting when she goes on her facebook page sunday morning and sees all the posts of girls in their dresses etc… but the final choice is hers and I will be here for support and love, nothing more. We really have dropped the subject since she told me her plans to watch a movie with a couple of friends and I won’t bring it up again unless she wants to talk. I was just venting my own worries, knowing how my 17 year “stoic” daughter is, and I know it still bothers her some. All kids are different and react differently so you must treat them all differently… of course still giving them space and respect to grow up Anyway, thanks for letting me vent my thoughts, this thread has been cathartic for me and I truly appreciate all the comments!! (Hubby just doesn’t get it… he rolls his eyes and says girls!!!)</p>
<p>Well, it’s pretty cool that she made some plans with other friends who won’t be going. Good lord, in a week or so it will be ancient history. My advice? take the the $$ you saved and spend it on some fun clothes for fall!</p>
<p>Just to throw a couple of monkey wrenches in for good measure…
I went to prom with a friend and had a perfectly miserable time! He had a crush on me, and I was very uncomfortable. Going ‘as friends’ can be a good idea that can go very, very wrong if one side decides they have feeling for the other (not uncommon in the excitement of prom season, etc., etc.).</p>
<p>On the flip side, S2 went to GFs prom last weekend. After MUCH convincing he also escorted her two best friends who did not have dates. Another friend who chose not to go was at the ‘pre-prom-primping-party’ to help with hair and makeup and was just as happy not to be going. Everyone was happy with their decision.
As it turned out they all turned up back at GF’s house before midnight to change into sweats and have s’mores on the deck. A few friends who did not go joined them. The ‘vibe’ at the prom was not great they said, and the DJ wasn’t the greatest.</p>
<p>I guess what I am saying is, there are a ton of variables that go into having a good time at prom and it is rarely a magical night. It can be fun, but it can be so-so, or a train-wreck. Your daughter seems to be happy with her decision. Treat her to a manicure/pedicure before hand if she enjoys that, or a cute new sundress (Target has some cute things!). It’s not a consolation prize and shouldn’t be presented a such, but who doesn’t need a pick me up or a small purchase once in a while?!</p>
<p>Prom season will be past in a flash, pictures will go on facebook and they will zip past the news feed very, very quickly. Those kids will be on to something else. Make sure you are too.</p>
<p>I have quite a few friends who didn’t go to prom, didn’t date in high school (or even much in college) … and are happy, well adjusted adults some 30 or so years later. Maybe it’s because I tend to the engineering-oriented crowd?? I just have to say how surprised I am that it’s such a big deal whether or not our kids go to prom, date, etc. All I care about is whether or not my kids are happy. What makes them happy is their call. If they don’t care, why would I?</p>
<p>By the way, my best friend’s mom made her go with her cousin. We never let her live that down. :)</p>
<p>Top student + athletic + involved in activities + self-assured = intimidating to many boys</p>
<p>Been there, dealt with that. D wasn’t shy, but guys were scared off. I even had one guy that she kinda liked tell me that to my face at a graduation party.</p>
<p>D went to prom with her “gang,” some with and some without dates. The girls ran the show.</p>
<p>I know it doesn’t help now, but she will find her own level at college.</p>
<p>“Top student + athletic + involved in activities + self-assured = intimidating to many boys” </p>
<p>One of the most beloved teachers at my high school would pull the homecoming queen aside each year and lovingly inform her that it was going to be a very lonely year.</p>
<p>Was not asked to Prom. My mother was humiliated. I was tall, smart, involved in lots of activities, a religious minority and not geographically acceptable (i.e., a Yankee in a small southern suburb in the 70s). Got to college and never lacked for dates or a BF. This was especially the case at Model UN conferences! </p>
<p>Found out four years later (just after I got to engaged to Mr. CountingDown) a couple years later that another guy (a year older) had wanted to ask me to prom and didn’t because he assumed I’d already have a date. This was someone I was good friends with and had a crush on for quite a while. Ran into him at the local college during my senior year and he had just started dating the girl he would eventually marry. I always wondered “what if…” with that one!</p>
<p>Never underestimate the boys are clueless and intimidated by beautiful girls factor. As the parent of both species (boys and girls), I feel I can safely say that without offending them. </p>
<p>My D has never been asked out and she is tall, athletic and adorable. Meanwhile, her friends have been dating for years. She is young enough that it hasn’t hurt her feelings too much - but it will if it lasts for the rest of high school.</p>
<p>I told her she better learn to start asking the boys or she will sit out those dances for the rest of high school.</p>
<p>Girls nowdays are much more confident than many boys.
They have been physically mature longer- and have high expectations for themselves and others.</p>
<p>In my experience often times the men/boys, who have the chutzpah to ask a unfamiliar girl out- despite little encouragement, are not the ones you want to be with. Too full of themselves.</p>
<p>The ones that stand back- are often the more interesting- and even a boy who might not have noticed a girl before she asks him out- will often say yes- even if just for the relief of not having to do it himself!</p>
</p>