Senior daughter never asked to prom

<p>My beautiful bright daughter who is a senior has never been asked to a Prom or even on a date for that matter. I feel so bad for her and don't quite understand it. Whenever any of our friends or other people meet her they comment to my husband that we must be beating the boys off with sticks but to be honest she has never had a boyfriend. To make matters worse, her best friend just got asked to the prom today! I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better without sounding like just a "mom" She will be going away in the fall to a great university and we keep telling her how much she has to look forward to and how different things are from high school. She really wants to experience the "whole package" go through sorority rush, get involved etc.. but I know it ways on her insecurities while she is still in high school about her dismal social life. Being a senior, she is done with classes by noon so really has no opportunities to get social. She is a bit on the shy side but when engaged can be very personable. Any advice on how to handle this without sounding so cliche?</p>

<p>Leave it alone. Everybody goes through this phase of life at their own speed and getting involved is not a good idea.</p>

<p>I would encourage you to go on a website called Dontcallmeshy.com and write to <a href="mailto:Laurie@dontcallmeshy.com">Laurie@dontcallmeshy.com</a><a href="the%20author%20of%20a%20book%20on%20shyness%20and%20the%20person%20who%20set%20up%20the%20website">/email</a>. She helped my D so much and is amazingly kind and understanding.</p>

<p>Good luck to your D.</p>

<p>Well I even suggested she ask a "friend" but she said for the price of prom bids, it's not worth going with just a friend. Plus the way they dance now (Grinding on the dance floor simulating sex, they call it "freak dancing") doesn't appeal to her. I just want to know what to say to her when I see it in her eyes how sad it makes her.</p>

<p>The situation could be much different. Your daughter hasn't gotten pregnant, like many high school girls, or engaged in criminal behavior.</p>

<p>You sound like you have been blessed with a wonderful daughter who is trying her best.</p>

<p>Can her friends fix her up with someone to go to the prom, just as friends, without any romantic attachment?</p>

<p>Oh I feel for you and for your D who will find her way into the dating world in her own good time, I'm sure....meanwhile it's hard. (Even though my guess is that part of her doesn't want any of it yet, and so is subtly not encouraging it.) Here it is very customary for girls to ask boys to prom-- with pointedly unromantic intentions. They ask a friend, someone they like and trust and would enjoy getting dressed up and going to prom with-- and who would never ever expect a kiss afterward! And some girls will take a girlfriend. Would that be totally beyond the pale there? It's great to experience a party with all one's classmates-- much less so to do it on an awkward date with a guy one hardly knows.</p>

<p>My son is a senior in high school and I am amazed at his friends (boys) that are too scared to ask a girl out. My son has a girlfriend and they went to the prom last year and this year but many of his friends won't ask girls out. I talked my son into setting two of his friends up with (girl) friends for the prom this year. My son actually ask the girls if they would say 'yes' to the guys.... tell your daughter that is how scared some of these guys are!</p>

<p>I am sure your daughter will come out of her shell a little in college! I hope she will get involved in lots of activities and meet lots of cute guys. Tell her if she sees an interesting guy to ask him out!</p>

<p>Don't assume that the male species at the age of 18 has reached a level of maturity anywhere approximating that of a man. These are boys, and boys are lame... especially when it comes to asking girls out. </p>

<p>To be honest, they're probably intimidated by your daughter. But that's probably not really what she wants to hear; it's also doubtful if she wants you "feeling so bad for her". You should be happy that she doesn't want some boy sweatily groping her on the dance floor. She's got plenty of time to date in college, when people mature and become more comfortable with each other. </p>

<p>And if she's sad about it, either assure her that she's beautiful and that you love her and that she's a total diamond in the rough, or tell her to get up some gumption and ask out any boy she likes herself. Rejection is a better alternative than locking yourself away to mope.</p>

<p>I second that #2. My daughter does not have a date for the prom but it's still going and will have a great time. It is the junior senior prom so she did have one last year but not this year (They went as friends). And she has also never had a boyfriend or dated, but that doesn't stop her from having fun with her friends. She is also bright and beautiful, and hates it when people ask her anything about boyfriends.
I am a single mom and got pregnant when I was 19 so from experience there is nothing wrong with waiting to date until the right person comes along.
Don't feel bad for her, just ler her be.</p>

<p>I cross posted with you OP. I'd let her talk about it and be sure she understands that she is a lovely, wonderful girl.....it makes me so sad when girls thing they're not pretty enough or whatever, when obviously it is simply that they haven't made that kind of connection with a boy yet. (And often, because they are the kind of girls who need more of a connection to really feel close-- that's a good thing.)</p>

<p>Well your absolutely right on that account! She has been a dedicated student, NHS, CSF the whole works and never once given us any problems. Doesn't drink, do drugs etc.. So we know how lucky we are in that regards and she sees how all her hard work and dedication have paid off as far as college is concerned. Still... we're dealing with the fragile ego of a 17 year old where insecurities are second nature. (at least in our case) She thinks she's fat, ugly hair etc... honestly if i were to post a picture you'd think she was crazy! 5ft 7, striking blue eyes, long wavy hair. She works out every day either jogging or at the gym and thank god likes food too much to be anorexic but those concerns have crossed our minds since she is on the slim side. We live in southern Ca in an area where everyone is expected to be the perfect beach girl! I guess she just beats to her own drum and maybe thats why she doesn't get asked out. I just feel like a broken record telling her over and over that things will be different in college when she gets away. And again on days like today when her friend gets asked and wants her to go shop for gowns with her, I can see that it hurts.</p>

<p>My daughter is similar and I also get comments about how pretty she is. She went to the prom with friends this year as they did last year. It doesn't seem to bother them. In fact, more girls go to the prom as a group then with dates at our school. DH is worried but I'm not so much. But, she is not shy and blessed with good friends.</p>

<p>I don't know what to say to her to make her feel better without sounding like just a "mom"</p>

<p>You are her mom - ANYTHING you say will sound like it to her.<br>
So let her know, as her mom, how wonderful she is. Your post above is touching. It's not always bad to just share the disappointment when there isn't a good "fix"</p>

<p>ETA - reading crossposts - there may be several good ideas for fixes.</p>

<p>S2 never went to the prom in h.s. and never had a date as far as I know. His group of friends included girls and they all went out together a lot but very few were exclusive pairs. He just finished soph. yr. of college, still no steady gf. I'm hoping he finds the "one" there in the next couple of years.</p>

<p>I will second the fact that 17 yr old boys are often lame socially. Particularly the type that are likely to be interested in your obviously bright and talented daughter</p>

<p>
[quote]
... it's not worth going with just a friend.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Change the mindset and everything would be fine. Telling her how beautiful she is won't help that much.</p>

<p>Maybe she could ask a shy boy? My S is also one of those, hasn't gotten up the nerve to ask a girl out yet. But I know he's liked at least one.</p>

<p>I also have a "goes to the beat of her own drum" blonde D! She did the asking to both Junior Prom and Senior Ball. Went with "just friends"....she loved her proms because they were DRAMA FREE evenings. No hassels ...no expectations. A lot of girls go to them w/o dates ---dancing w/o dates is no problem---grinding by the way is optional. </p>

<p>She also was basically date free in HS---but now has a serious BF in college. So all does work out. If she decides not to go to the prom it may be nice to "be out of town"---i.e. weekend in the mountains or San Francisco!</p>

<p>It all works out---this is a blip in her lifetime.</p>

<p>Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman; I know how you feel--it is so hard to see one's children be or feel left out. I myself never went to a prom and had a very limited social life in high school; I think I just really did not fit the suburban mold at the time. It was hard to adjust to a more normal social life once I got to college but I did eventually have boyfriends and go on dates and that kind of thing. Things may very well be different in college for your daughter too, with a more sophisticated and varied pool of young men. (In my case I was actually quite attractive but somehow lacked mainstream appeal in high school.) i don't know what to do or say to make her feel better except not to make an issue of it and not make her think she is disappointing you in some way. Perhaps if she wants to go do something fun with you that night or weekend that might be a nice idea, but not locally of course because it would be awkward to see friends out for pre-prom or post-prom activities. (Her friend may not intend to be mean about looking for a prom dress, but it is somewhat insensitive. Not the activity I would suggest.)</p>