Senior Washed Up Girls at Yale

<p>Agent99 I have absolutely no idea what point you are trying to make. My post was in response to a poster who wasn’t sure women had “power” and my post said they absolutely do have power so unsure of what you are trying to articulate by “using” my comments out of context.</p>

<p>And alh, not sure what you are trying to say. Why do you think women are being “blamed.” That is exactly what I was trying to point out with 2 kids I know of who had 2 different outcomes. Our judicial system does a pretty good job of sorting it out. Everyone needs to take personal responsibility - the boys and the girls. We ALL have the ability, short of mental or physical illness, to control our actions. Common wisdom says don’t put yourself in a position where you are vulnerable - that applies to boys and girls.
What do you tell your kids? </p>

<p>I’m not going to tell my sons not to hook-up with a willing sober, undrugged female who wants sex. But I do tell my sons “don’t have sex with a drunk or drugged female, it’s not worth the risk” That is reality.</p>

<p>"What do you tell your kids? "</p>

<p>I started telling my own kids, before puberty, that there was nothing sinful about any sexual act, that behavior towards any other individual, including a sex partner, could be sinful and that following the golden rule was usually the best bet. From this, and other discussions, their take-away seemed to be that it would never be a good idea to have sex with someone they didn’t know well because they were incapable of judging what expectations she (or he) really had. They did not want to mislead anyone, intentionally or unintentionally.</p>

<p>Although I am really enjoying this thread I have to go do some other stuff but will check back later.</p>

<p>^Alh, I think that is great advice.</p>

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<p>What a horrible, medieval, insulting point of view about women. How many women “decide” it was rape so they can go through a lengthy administrative process where the accused ends up with, at worst, a written reprimand? Those flaming meteors are more likely. </p>

<p>In the Yale report, there were several cases of sexual harassment where the investigators didn’t find sufficient evidence to proceed. That never happened ONCE in the sexual assault cases.</p>

<p>I told my son: Treat all the girls you know with honor and decency like you treat your sister. Don’t do anything harmful to them. The job of the prosecutor is to press charge and nothing else. Don’t count too much on what you learn in your AP US Govt class. I am the first one to know when you get into trouble.</p>

<p>I told my daughter: Men have no responsibility and they abuse.</p>

<p>Nothing bad so far.</p>

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<p>What a strange response. There really is no in between and if there was what is that “in between?” The only one I can imagine is assault…but that too is a criminal thing not an 'administrative" thing. If I were raped. I would call the police. If I were assaulted I would call the police. If I were stalked I would call the police. </p>

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I’m so sorry you feel that way, but I understand that some do feel that way for one reason or another. Counseling can help.</p>

<p>"
I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman’s husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."</p>

<p>Leaving aside the obvious “how come no one worries about the number of partners men have,” my response to this is - so? Can’t women make up their own minds if this is worth it to them or not? I thought you were a free market capitalist kind of guy. Shouldn’t people be entitled to decide for themselves what they want?</p>

<p>mom3boys:
What do you know about men?
Are men transparent and completely understood?
Should women not be aware of people like Castro, Weiner, Filner,…?</p>

<p>I was raped when I was 16. I had not been attending college at the time, but if I had been attending a school like my older daughters where the security officers were encouraged to have big brother/big sister relationship with the students, I would have been more likely to at least report it to the CSOs. I did not report it to the police because of the way rape victims were abused in the media- I did not think I could go through being attacked by the police & the newspaper. I had been physically injured as a result of the rape, but without significant & visible bruising, I knew that it would have been assumed that I " asked for it".</p>

<p>Our rape culture brainwashes young people into thinking that thoughtless " hooking up" is widespread & healthy. </p>

<p>I would agree that it is possible to bury your feeling about being treated like a piece of meat and think that it is " liberating", but eventually your soul will protest, whether it is five years later or five minutes, once you realize what is happening.</p>

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<p>Although, I’m sure I’m misinterpreting - all this reads like a double standard to me. If you believe that every women who “sleeps around” has self-esteem issues, how can you not tell your sons to avoid the hook-up culture? And if we are claiming it is damaging to women, how is it not also damaging to men?</p>

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<p>IMO it is equally damaging, if it is damaging.</p>

<p>How can it be equal? Are men prone to HPV? Do men carry a baby in their uterus? Do men suffer from pregnancy, child birth? Do men pay for mother and baby care?</p>

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I haven’t read the full thread, but I believe there are evolutionary differences in how MOST men and women are wired in this area due to varying evolutionary behaviors and varying reproductive cost. There are also cultural differences in what is acceptable for men and women, which can lead to differing levels of negative feelings. Men are far more likely to be interested in a casual sex relationship with multiple partners than women, and women are far more likely to be interested in settling down with a single partner. This expectation fits with hook-up personal websites. Checking the casual encounters forum of my local CL, I see ~400 posts m4w posts made today and ~30 w4m posts, and I’d expect the vast majority of the latter group to be fake (most do not list location) and/or paid services. A related study about hooking up in college is at <a href=“http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/EP08390404.pdf[/url]”>http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/EP08390404.pdf&lt;/a&gt; . It found that on a scale of -5 to +5 male college students reported an average hooking up (I am defining as intercourse) comfort level of +2.26, and women reported an average of -2.23. Men were generally comfortable with hooking up, and women were generally uncomfortable with hooking up. There was a similar percentage of men and women who engaged in hook-ups, in spite of widely varying feelings of how comfortable the two genders were in doing so, suggesting a much larger portion of women than men had negative feelings about their behaviors.</p>

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<p>I refer to emotional damage but men certainly get STDs and are on the line for child support.</p>

<p>Edited to add: we used the term “Walk of Shame” back in the 80’s to describe being out in last night’s clothes (especially if an evening dress or something obviously not daytime wear) because of hook-up or partying late/staying up all night or anything else that would result in last night’s clothes still being on in the morning/daylight that one might feel vaguely guilty about. I don’t think this is a new term nor is it specific to college and we definitely didn’t use it to refer only to having slept with a guy the night before.</p>

<p>Men and women all belong to the human race. If I believe men and women respond differently to casual sex, and that it is damaging to women and not men, I believe men are still damaged because it is hurting society. imho. It is not us vs. them. Also, I think someone consciously choosing a course of action where he believes someone else may be damaged hurts himself as well. That is not a healthy way to live… again my personal opinion.</p>

<p>ymmv</p>

<p>The “walk of shame” is nothing new. Please.</p>

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<p>And that’s why condoms are a wonderful thing.</p>

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<p>What does rape culture have to do with hook up culture? One involves consent, and the other doesn’t. How could you compare the two?</p>

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<p>…seriously?</p>

<p>There are several examples of double standards in this thread. As for the litigation at several schools, of course we are only hearing one side of the story. Doubt Vassar would have kicked out a student without some reason to do so. That said, glad women in general (not this specific case) are beginning to feel more able to find their voice and not be ignored or their issues minimized.</p>

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<p>“Without some reason to do so” may include ones most of us would consider dubious or even abhorrent such as institutional expediency, internal politics, etc.</p>

<p>Moreover, unlike you…I’ve learned from history and observing institutions and people within them that the word of a powerful institution such as a branch of a university administration cannot always be taken at face value. </p>

<p>Part of this also comes from having to help a HS friend deal with a senior math Prof at a Top 20 university who had a serious animus against him because he had something against engineering majors and possibly his being biracial. </p>

<p>Despite the Prof grading him in clear violation of his own syllabus and the Deans of his own college and Arts & Sciences immediately taking his side once they examined all the evidence, it took two full years for the failing grade to be corrected to the -A he actually earned. Worse, the senior Prof couldn’t be touched because he opted to retire after being there for several decades and he had some powerful friends.</p>

<p>Until one is able to see the reason for their decision to discharge a student, one is just frothing at the mouth with hyperbole.</p>

<p>“unlike me?”
You know NOTHING about me or my experiences. Please do not assume that you do, or drone on about your friends, cousins or other tangential experiences. It is most unbecoming. Some irrelevant story about a math grade has nothing to do with an accusation of sexual assault. The overgeneralization about administrative authority is ridiculous.</p>

<p>And assuming that biased article you linked earlier is completely factual, please dont insult the intelligence of readers here.</p>