The great kid who was volunteering and working hard for grades and happily touring college campuses last Spring Break has been kidnapped and replaced by a much happier kid who wants to hang with his friends and do anything EXCEPT discuss colleges. Acceptance arrives: “Who cares.” Deferral arrives: “Who cares.” The bill for tuition comes: I care! Help!
This is probably a symptom of “I won’t be disappointed if I don’t care if I get accepted” or “I don’t want to compete with everyone re: prestigious colleges” or “oh my gosh, this is real and i will have to make a decision”.
I would show how proud of him and show how happy you are where ever he goes and not worry about “prestige”…play up the colleges he got into. Also try to find out what the underlying issue is.
School performance still good?
Might try scheduling a time with him to discuss where things stand and what the options are?
I think @bopper is on target. Yes, @ucbalumns, his school performance is still ‘good’, but probably not as good as it could be. You know that Groucho Marx line, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member”… that’s my son as he gets his acceptances! I’m just hoping this is rather common.
The stress around getting college responses is tremendous. This is most likely his way of coping with the stress. I recommend not talking about college and leaving him alone until all the replies are in and he has to make the decision. Once all the applications are done and submitted, better to just forget it until all the decisions are in and then you have all the data to make your decision.
@brucemag, I don’t know how common, but certainly common with my son. I thought there would be some level of celebration, whether understated or over-the-top; but never expected a dismissive attitude along the lines of “well they must not be as great a school as I thought they were.” I suppose each individual has a different way of coping and of reacting.
“Good” as in safe from any possibility of rescission of admission? (i.e. no D or F grades, GPA is not falling extremely far, and did not change to a less rigorous schedule without telling the colleges)
My S and his buddies are all focused on how much fun they can have together between now and graduation. After 3.5 years of hard work with minimal socializing, I’m happy for him. Grades won’t crash too badly, though – their school has a senior rule that a class grade of 85 or above at the end of the semester exempts them from the final exam. No one wants to take final exams, so… (Smart academic dean – great way to keep seniors at least somewhat motivated!!)
That is a smart dean! From my point of view as the mother of an 11th grader, whose social life has dwindled to nothing because he studies all the time and practices his instruments in any time that is left, I can completely understand your son’s attitude, Loganator.
My senior has virtually no opinions even after visiting campuses she has been accepted to in last few weeks. Wants to reserve all judgement until all the results are in and probably wants to avoid and endless analysis from me in the car, at the dinner table, at the gym…“This school, that school, blah blah blah.” I totally get it. Like my senior, I’m sure yours will care when he needs to.
Seems like immaturity (especially the Groucho Marx attitude).
Unfortunately, immaturity is rife in teenagers; especially teenage boys.
He’s probably at the age where he doesn’t want to listen to you either.
Is there another adult he respects who can give him the message: “hey, where you spend the next 4 years is a serious decision; and do you really have so little self-respect that you think less of schools that want you?”
To me it sounds like he thinks that getting excited about going to college just makes it one step closer to leaving behind all he has known and loved for the past 18 years.
Senior year can be so exciting with all of the “senior only” events at school. You’re at the top of the world! He probably has a solid group of friends that are hearing from schools as well and guess what, many of them may go on to different colleges. Kind of hard to be excited when you realize that your best buds won’t be with you everyday anymore. Plus, you’re gonna be at the bottom of the heap once again, as a freshman.
Heart to heart, respected adult side bar discussion…may not be that deep. Giving him some personal space while he comes to term with this new chapter in his life, while being available as a sounding board, may work for him.
Just my opinion, yours may differ.
It sounds like your son has achieved that lofty goal of yogis and meditators - he is “living in the moment”. I agree it is a healthy response to this phase of the process. There is no benefit to overanalyzing options until all the answers come in and he can make a fair apples to apples comparison. This really is the end of childhood and developmentally, they should be able to enjoy it.
@brucemag Thank you for posting. My son’s attitude is the same. Glad to know it’s “normal”.
I have to agree. The way I see it – he’s done applying to colleges, and he’s not making a decision right now, right? If that’s the case, then him being super-excited or miserable over college decisions right now does not mean anything. Some people enjoy talking on and on about colleges (hello!) just for the sheer pleasure of it, but a lot of people don’t. What’s important is that he’s ready to make a decision later when the time comes. It doesn’t sound like there are any deadlines looming, so honestly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not worrying about it now. It’s not as if there’s anything he can possibly do to change which schools accepted him or which schools deferred him. It’s not “senioritis”, it’s just being level-headed.
All through the process my D has said she doesn’t have a first choice and she will wait until she sees where she gets in and then worry about it. I much prefer that attitude to the one that says “I have a dream school and I’ll be devastated if I don’t get in.” I think your son will be just fine!
Neither of my kids were that concerned with where they went to college. They were both good students and talented, applied to a variety of schools and then enjoyed the rest of their senior year. Acceptances and rejections were met with similar responses (mild). I just figured that they liked all the schools on their lists equally. Not all kids are “super excited” about the whole college thing. Doesn’t mean they won’t do well. In my opinion, it means that they are actually well-adjusted and happy with any outcome.
Sometimes it helps to guide them. When we first took DD in initial college visits, she initially would say that she “Liked the vibe” or “Did not like the vibe.” I developed a basic matrix of criteria and asked her to think about each one. How did you like the campus?, what did you think about the students?, did you feel like you fit into the major programs? What were your thoughts about the presentation? Etc.
I had move success once she had visited a few of them, and I asked her to compare the colleges on these criteria. Then I started to get more specific and comprehensible answers, but I had to work at it initially.
My son is the same way. He got denied admission to a college this past week and all he said was ok. I was upset and he wasn’t. He also does not want to discuss colleges until they all come out. I guess that is when he will make his decision as to which one he wants to attend. I on the other hand is a nervous wreck 
We are awaiting two more school decisions which come out this week. Guess then we will have to sit down and see which one he picks.