We, too, live in a HCOL area. And yet, when faced with the choice to live in/buy in a neighborhood of very expensive housing or to live in/buy in a neighborhood of less expensive housing - we chose the less expensive housing…which meant that the school our children attend are slightly lower rated than the more expensive towns/neighborhoods. Also vastly more diverse. We also chose the less expensive vehicles, and sent our children to less expensive colleges. Those were all choices we made.
DH has partners that make the same amount he does, and feel like they are barely getting by. Of course, their homes cost several multiples of what our home cost, they sent their kids to private school for K-12, as well as full-pay super ‘elite’ schools for undergrad and they drive (multiple) cars that cost more than double what ours cost. Those are choices they’ve made.