<p>I thought I’d seek some wisdom from the CC community. My brother and his wife are now legally separated. After 21 years together, she decided that she just didn’t “want to be married anymore”, he didn’t “believe in THE UNIVERSE”, so they no longer had anything in common, etc…:rolleyes: Her announcement, over what was supposed to be a romantic dinner out, was like a gut punch out of the blue. He quite honestly never saw it coming. I can tell you that he was completely devastated by this revelation because he was absolutely devoted to this woman. Fortunately, they have no children.</p>
<p>She told him that she knew she was entitled to a third of his retirement in a divorce settlement, but she wasn’t going to ask for any of it. And indeed, it is outlined in the separation agreement that she will not be asking for any portion of his retirement. He paid her 100k for her portion of the equity in their house, and taking over taking over the payments, is now its sole owner. My brother had no idea that she could possibly walk away with some of his retirement, so he was surprised that she apparently did. Obviously, she had been doing her homework prior to announcing that she wanted out.</p>
<p>What it’s important for you to know is that my soon-to-be-former sister-in-law is a professional woman with a Master’s degree in Human Resources management who earns over 70k per year. My brother is a professional Navy musician who, with pay and allotments, makes roughly the equivalent yearly income. I told him that I thought that, in the course of her research, my SIL had discovered that he might be able to make a counter claim upon a portion of her 401k or other retirement plan, thereby canceling out any advantage making a claim against his retirement might give her. I believe this may be the only reason why she is not going that route. </p>
<p>My brother believes that she cannot change her mind about demanding a portion of his retirement at the time of the final divorce. He says the separation agreement cements this. I’m not so sure.</p>
<p>My question is: Can she suddenly change her mind and make a bid for those funds as part of the final divorce decree? What must my brother do to be prepared for the possibility that she may change her mind? Is he equally eligible for a portion of her retirement income?</p>
<p>I would think nothing is final until the final decree is issued by the court. That said I’d take that deal too. Cut all ties including future ones and move on. Just make sure it’s in the final divorce decree. My X and I did exactly that when we divorced–took our own retirements and moved on. If he has any ex GFs still around he should let his new status be known. He might be surprised how good he looks to them today vs 20 years ago.</p>
<p>I assume that any sort of seperation agreement was written up by two lawyers? If not, and if he signed what could be a legal document, he should be taken to the woodshed. If a lawyer was involved, this would be the type of question that he/she can answer. I do know that in some states each party has a right to a 50% share of the other’s retirement plan that was accrued during the marriage. </p>
<p>For example:</p>
<p>Spouse A has a retirement plan worth $100K of which 80% was accrued during the marriage.</p>
<p>Spouse B has a retirement plan worth $200K of which 50% was accrued during the marriage.</p>
<p>Spouse B has a right to (.5) x (.8) x (100K) = $40K of Spouse A’s retirement
Spouse A has a right to (.5) x (.5) x (200K) = $50K of Spouse B’s retirement</p>
<p>Therefore, in this example, Spouse B would be required to give Spouse A $10K.</p>
<p>My guess is that your SIL did her homework and found out that she would have to pay your brother the difference and that’s why she was so “agreeable”.</p>
<p>I don’t know the answer but he needs to get himself to a good divorce attorney quickly and ask these questions. This is especially true given the emotional nature of a divorce. Given her position, it could be that she’s cutting the ties to his retirement to try to ensure he doesn’t get a portion of HER retirement - i.e. maybe he’d end up ahead between the two of them with their two retirement funds. OTOH he might be better off with a clean break regardless. He needs to arm himself with knowledge according to the laws of his state at this point.</p>
<p>He needs to get the answer from a divorce attorney in his state. Often a separation agreement becomes part of the final divorce decree. Anyone can demand anything in court at any time; it doesn’t mean they will be successful.</p>
<p>My brother has already changed his life insurance policy, and made our parents the beneficiary. He plans on changing his Will to do the same with the house, his car, and a few other estate items. Clearly, he needs to consult a lawyer about the legality of these moves, and find out whether or not his ex would be entitled regardless. They’ve lived in Maryland for 14 years, but they were married in Virginia, so the divorce will have to be filed in VA courts.</p>
<p>Tell him to make sure he does change his will - not just plan to. My Dad separated from his wife 2 years before his death. Had lots of health problems and never got round to finishing changing his will. Told my uncle, who was bugging him about it, that it was OK because she bought him out of their jointly owned house and he purchased his house, his main asset, in his name only so it was nothing to do with her as everything not in joint names was left elsewhere. Well when he died she thought so too till her lawyer pointed out that his will said that she got the use of their house at 22 **** Lane till her death or any other house I buy. If it had said we buy she would not have had a look in. As it was she did. He would have been rolling in his grave.</p>
<p>Family law is state law, so he needs to consult a lawyer in his state of residence–not where they were married. It is impossible for anyone to tell if the agreement is binding, or whether there is a period of time during which modifications or set-asides can be requested, without (a) reading the agreement and (b) knowing the law of the state that has jurisdiction, which again, is the state of residence.</p>
<p>I don’t get where the place of marriage matters - never heard of needing to go to that state for separation/divorce… State of current residence is where it counts (as post above states), right?</p>
<p>There is so much misinformation and urban legend in what you are getting from your brother that the only correct advice is the one you are getting from everyone: see a lawyer! (The file-in-Virginia part is dead wrong.)</p>
<p>Not only do state laws differ somewhat, by the way, but within the same state local practices and standards may differ, too. An experienced divorce attorney in the right community will know how the judges there are likely to rule if there is a dispute, and that knowledge provides fairly tight guidelines about what an appropriate settlement is. In some places, the judges may even refuse to approve an agreement that departs from the informal local standards, or give people a hard time over it.</p>
<p>Agreed again…divorce action should be brought in the state of residence, not where the wedding took place. And talking to JAG is a good idea re allotments, etc.</p>
<p>As a military wife every wife married for more than 10 yrs of his active duty service jokingly says guess what you owe me 50% if you ever leave me. I actually jokingly said that to Bullet on our 10th anniversary, because he already past his 10 yr active date. She is actually entitled to 50% if they were married for 21 yrs and more than 10 years were active duty. I don’t understand how he didn’t know that it is very common knowledge in the AF, and anybody getting divorce discusses this topic. </p>
<p>My girlfriend came home one day to find out that her husband was leaving her for another woman (no lie the movers were suppose to be coming the next day to PCS, she had quit her job and already had a new one at the new base). They were married for @20 yrs. She decided that it was to her benefit to be quiet and not announce he was having an affair, her reasoning it would ruin his chance of promotion. She gets 50% of his retirement pay for as long as he lives. (the eqiv of @ 30K per yr, plus what he is making now)</p>
<p>Many exes take a lump sum, because if the ex dies they no longer get retirement pay(i.e. he dies 2 mos. later she doesn’t get a dime, this true for married couples too) They also take it because if they re-marry they lose all benefits (retirement, medical, commissary). Maybe your soon to be ex sis has someone on the side and that is why.</p>
<p>Your brother is right, the military will require to see the divorce degree before they garnish his wages. She would have to take him back to court after the divorce to get any money or benefits.</p>
<p>As far as VA, I am realtor, homes are deed in entirety to married couples, so if he bought her out, she needs to sign a quit claim on the deed. Our mortgage is my hubby’s name, but I am also on the deed, thus, he could never sell it unless I agree.</p>
<p>Years ago, when I was married to my first husband, we both worked full-time and contributed to the purchase of our house, car, household expenses, etc. He made more money than I did, but most of my pay check was used for joint expenditures. When we decided to divorce, he had this idea that because he made more money than I did (and, therefore, contributed more), he should get the house, the car, and any other assets (not the majority, mind you, but the whole shebang). Naturally, I engaged a lawyer. He was a nice young man-- too young and a bit too nice to be very good, I thought-- but he was just starting out and affordable. </p>
<p>When I first met with him and told him the situation, he had a good long laugh. At the time, we were living in a state that declared, in a divorce, that everything would be split down the middle-- regardless. Nevertheless, my husband and his own lawyer tried to fight this. My lawyer never much responded to anything they wrote. He just kept saying it wasn’t worth me spending the money for him to keep responding to them-- that they couldn’t fight the state law. Ultimately, and without much fanfare, we finally got the divorce, with everything split right down the middle. </p>
<p>So, the moral of this story is – determine what your state (in your case, Maryland) says about divorce, and get yourself a young lawyer who looks perfectly nice, but who is smart enough to know the law and who likes to save you money. ;)</p>
<p>I just want to restate that it is critical to change the beneficiary on everything asap on anything that is in one name only (such as the life insurance policy poetsheart said that her brother has already changed). When a relative of mine died an accidental death, we learned that he had never changed the beneficiary from his ex-wife on one of his IRA accounts even though he had been divorced for over 10 years. Led to a big mess. Changing beneficiaries is the type of thing people plan to do but do not always follow through on. </p>
<p>We also learned that it is important to make sure that someone has power of attorney and that someone is designated as a health care agent.</p>