Separation Anxiety....sigh :(

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I thought I’d post this in the parents forum…</p>

<p>17 more days until college. Where did the time go? Just this past year up til this week, I have been cheerful and excited about the future. But within the past three days, reality has hit me. Hard. Like a brick to the head. To the point that I have teared up nearly 50 times in a day for the past three days. Everything I see and touch in my house reminds me of a funny/memorable moment I had with my parents in the past 18 years. They have always been my very best friends. They are always there for me and I run to them for help. </p>

<p>And now after 17 days, nothing will be the same again…They won’t be a floor away when I need to bother them. They won’t be there for my nagging when I’m hungry…I won’t be seeing their faces every day…</p>

<p>I really try my hardest to think about how exciting college is going to be and I try not to think about how much I am going to miss my parents. But it’s just so hard not to think about them. :frowning: And I really don’t want to be this sad. I don’t want this to affect my family and my own schoolwork.</p>

<p>Will things really get better? Will time heal everything? Will things still be the same? Will we still be this close, that we can joke about everything and anything?</p>

<p>Thanks :)</p>

2

<p>Changes are exciting times and yes, you will have an awesome time if you let yourself. It’s ok to realize that things and people change over time–it would be scary if everything always stayed the same. Even if you didn’t go off to school, you and your folks would continue to grow and change. It’s up to each of us whether we let the change be for good or not. With Skype, texting, cell phones and email, its easier than ever to stay on touch. </p>

<p>Take a deep breath and know that your ambivalence and even nostalgia for things to remain the same IS perfectly normal. By Christmas and next summer, you’ll smile when you read your post above.</p>

3

<p>Are you going to a college that is close to home, or far away?</p>

<p>Have you talked with your parents about how you are feeling?</p>

<p>The first semester of college can involve a lot of homesickness for many students, and then it gets better. If you do miss home a lot, there are counselors on campus to talk to. Your feelings are normal and reflect a wonderful job done by your parents, I would say.</p>

<p>Our culture has this ritual, for a part of the population of 18 or 19 year-olds, that you suddenly fall off the cliff of your previous life and make a new one at college. In some ways, when you think about it, it is downright bizarre. At the same time, this new development in your life can bring tremendous growth.</p>

<p>When my kids were leaving, our high school guidance counselor was always telling parents that things would never be the same. It was painful to hear. However, I have not really found that to be true in terms of relationships. If anything, I feel closer to my kids as they mature and become independent: our relationship is better.</p>

<p>What does change is the definition of “home,” and whether or not they feel at “home” when home. This begins innocently with a young person saying, “Oh, I left my sweater at home,” meaning the dorm, or apartment. For me, this is the most wonderful thing to hear, since it means they are truly rooted on their own. That’s really the goal of parenting, if you think about it.</p>

<p>I remember the first time my oldest child outgrew a t-shirt. He was just weeks old, and I cried a little, because I realized life was going to be a series of outgrowing, which is sad, accompanied by growth, which is exciting. Bittersweet.</p>

<p>I will say that one of mine came back home. Not out of homesickness: she is very independent. I see many kids come home and go to a school closer to home, and thrive. That is always an option and happens for many reasons, including financial. But I am hoping you can feel better once on campus and embrace the new experiences ahead. You won’t lose as much as you think, in terms of closeness with parents, but you will gain a lot of new friends and experiences that will propel you forward.</p>

<p>Just know that homesickness for the first semester is normal and you can get support on campus if it is painful for you. Good luck!</p>

4

<p>What you are feeling is very, very normal. And honestly, things with your family will be even better because you will all appreciate each other more and you will have more of an adult relationship (though they will still ALWAYS be your parents!!! :slight_smile: )</p>

5

<p>I can’t speak to being away from home since I chose to go to a university in my hometown, but I have a lot of friends from out of state who found themselves in the same situation their freshman year. It is completely normal to feel the way you feel right now. But once you are in college, things will get better. Most colleges have support for freshman who are new to the college experience. At my university, there are several social events and activities during the first week of school that get new students acclimated to their environment. There are also programs that connect freshman to upperclassmen or other mentors for additional support. And you will be around kids in the same exact situation as you. Rather than your parents, you will be leaning more heavily on your new friends for support.</p>

<p>It is a scary thing, but change is good and you will come out of it A-okay. :)</p>

6

<p>I agree this feeling is very normal and quite insightful on your part. I agree with all the above info. Enjoy the new experience - the nervous energy will go to good use in meeting new friends.</p>

7

<p>Thanks so much everyone :slight_smile: I talked to my mom and let it all out and I feel much better! Not a tear today :slight_smile: I guess I got past that reality-stage quickly haha! I’m going to college in NorCal and I currently live in SoCal. So it’s not too far I guess.</p>

8

<p>It sounds like you have world class parents, be grateful because there are many who are not so lucky. But now it’s time to return the favor and honor your parents by succeeding in the real world. It will be the ultimate validation that they did a good job.</p>

9

<p>I do have world class parents :] And I never really thought about how lucky I was until this summer. I’m kinda nervous but I know my mom doesn’t want me to be. I know she wants me to thrive, as she never had the chance to do so. Thanks guys!</p>