This can’t be stressed enough! And having work experience is necessary to be able to be employed or be accepted to grad school after college.
My daughter had no trouble keeping up her grades, making dean’s list every semester, graduating with honors, having leadership positions in clubs, doing research, cooping, and networking.
Thanks for this input from an actual student.
We have been so focused on supporting our daughter in the “college applications process”, we need to pivot our thinking to supporting her in the “becoming an adult process”.
I was one of those kids who had too much given to me (in both HS and college), and graduated from school with zero understanding about how to be an independent adult. I finished college with no student debt, but around $20k (in current dollars) in credit card debt, no job, no prospects, and no clue about what I wanted to do in life.
Everything worked out fine in the end, but I wasted 5 years figuring this out. I need to talk to my wife and get her onboard with the idea of transitioning our role to more of a safety net, rather than the primary provider.
Without reading all of the responses first, I’ll add that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
From the get go, My older S worked a job through the school. But at W&L they cap it at a very low threshold imo. I think it was around 7 hours a week. And at minimum wage of $8/hr he didn’t earn much. But it was an easy job. He was the assistant/gopher for the sociology/education departments. To supplement he ref’d soccer - HS and youth. He was the only certified HS soccer ref within an hour radius and he could pick and choose any game and got paid $75-100 per game.
My younger S was a different case. Older S always breezed through school and I knew he’d be fine. I wasn’t quite as sure with younger S. I wanted younger S to work; but it wasn’t mandatory. I made him try to find something through the school before it started, but it was really hard as he wasn’t a work study student. Only thing he could find was the chick fila on campus. I made him start and said if he hated it, he could quit after two weeks. He quit after two weeks. But, he also had enough scholarship to completely pay for his first year and had worked as a ref since age 12 and had another summer job, so he had savings to live on.
Second year, he didn’t work until the spring semester. He got a job posted by his professor doing GIS grunt work for their school utility location project. (He had done GIS grunt work the previous summer during the height of COVID.)
But his final two years, he worked at URec. He had made enough friends and contacts where he could get the job he really wanted - and hard to get. I’d say it was more for fun than $$$ really. He made the bulk of his $$$ over the summers.
Long story short, you could give them a semester or year to get acclimatized to college and then require it. But I would cut off those “little” charges. Yikes!!!
Thank you. I was calculating the amount based on the current dining hall charge $15 a meal * 2 times a day * 22 days + $500 weekend dinning money. Now I see this calculation assumes he is eating outside every meal. I will talk to my wife and come up with a more reasonable amount to encourage him to cook for himself.
That sounds impossibly daunting.
We should trade children for the summer. We will send yours back a happy licensed driver, with additional skills to include walleye fishing and corn detasseling.
Just chiming in to say that kids’ judgement alters drastically when they are using their own hard-earned money.
Every family, budget philosophy and financial situation is unique. So parents need to decide what they are comfortable with.
But from personal experience with our 3 young adult kids, I will say that having them learn to work and manage expenses with their own money during their college years was probably as important an education as achieving their respective degrees.
At first, it felt a little like deprivation by taking away the “Bank of Mom and Dad.” But in a very short time, each kid adjusted, managed, dug themselves out of a few holes, learned from their mistakes. And most importantly, the pride they feel in themselves by being independent is absolutely worthwhile.
Now I have one kid text me a picture of the giant pot of soup he makes (from my recipe) that he divides and freezes for the week. Another kid sends me a picture of their cool “new” thrift store outfit. They have all found great ways to enjoy adventures on a tight budget. I could not be happier for them.
This is helpful. To me, this means Latin, Francis Parker, or maybe the Lab Schools. My daughter is attending the NYC equivalent type of school, so I appreciate your opinion because you really understand the private school hothouse environment that these places have.
Wrong on all 3 but yes in Chicago 
… Lol. But totally get what you are saying. We, the parents, are two doctors and surgeon’s and we were the poor ones. Lol.
So, first, your daughter sounds great and I think your idea for a budget is an important one. Of course, where she goes will determine the actual number you come to, but I’ll tell you how we do it and you can take from that whatever is helpful. First, we expect our daughter to work in the summers – as she has gotten deeper into her college career, those jobs have morphed into paid internships. She could make more $ waiting tables but I don’t want that for her for lots of reasons. First, it’s a dead end and offers you nothing in terms demonstrating a commitment to either intellectual curiosity or professional development. So, she makes what she makes and banks it for spending money. We are lucky that we have enough to send her a small allowance for incidentals-- the way we decided to do it was set. up 2 auto transfers per month, one every 2 weeks for $100 each. That means roughly $50/week which given her location in Wellesley, MA is reasonable. It’s pretty expensive there and in Boston, where she sometimes goes out on weekends. She pays for local Ubers out of her account. She does have a credit card in her own name, but it’s through our bank so I can see her balance and expenditures. The card has a modest limit of $500 which I asked to be put into place, so as not to be too tempting. We sat together on the sofa and setup auto payments from her checking account to her credit card every month so she doesn’t have to think about. it-- it just happens. The has made it easy but has helped build some credit for her, which is so important before they head out into the real world. And if she needs an Uber for a longer ride-- say to Logan airport-- she will let us know the amount and we will reimburse her. I’m not saying it’s perfect, but it’s worked well for us.
My kids went to a school in a rural area, so the costs were lower. I paid for all of their necessities - room and board, transportation to and from school, sorority dues, clothes. I then looked at their reasonable additional expenses - hair cut, dining out, gifts, etc to figure out how much they needed every month. I gave it to them as allowance as long as they worked minimum of 10 hours a week at school. I wanted them to work not for the money, but to build their resumes.
My kids had my credit cards for emergencies, not to charge Starbucks coffee on it. I also didn’t allow them to have their own credit cards while in school, before they were self supporting.
You can look at your kid’s spending pattern now, figure out what’s reasonable to you and what you are willing to support. E.g. you may be willing to pay for your kid’s dining out few times a month, but not necessarily paying for her group of best friends.
My kids had these types of jobs/internships all through college, in no particular order.
Cashier at a taco shop
Lifeguard
Babysitter
Tutor
Writing lab TA
Stats TA
Test grader
Camp counselor
Bowling alley shoe disinfectant specialist
Gym attendant
Door Dasher
Advertising company summer position
EMT trainee
Financial investment summer position
Research assistant summer position
Probably some others I can’t recall.
Both my kids have well paid jobs and live in nice areas of cities. My S, the shoe disinfectant specialist, is working in a position that many people here on CC covet for their own kids. He sat through 9 interviews to get his current job (and without any connection from us whatsoever, in case anyone wonders.)
A friend’s kid, ‘24 grad, attended an Ivy League university. She worked in the laundry room for the gym and loved it. She is a very sociable girl but got a lot of satisfaction out of washing and folding stuff. Her family is what some might call wealthy (and others might call filthy rich.)
I think there is a misperception here that only poor kids work “lowly” jobs at college. This is untrue. I am pretty sure that most campus jobs pay more or less the same. Some jobs are very desirable and hard to get, like being a campus tour guide. The kid who needs to earn money will probably apply to several campus jobs. Some kids want to work in the kitchens and dining halls because that’s where there is always food, and that’s where you see a lot of people.
It is really important that your daughter is aware that she is not going know anyone’s financial status when she gets to college. Her college experience is not going to be the same as her high school experience. She will likely have something in common with every other kid at her college, rich or poor, that has nothing to do with money: they all CHOSE to be at that college.
Agree. My husband is from a wealthy family and he loved his D-Hall job in college. I went to a swanky boarding school and had parents who were well-off and I worked at a coffee shop all through college. Our kids went to private schools and we do ok and they work as lifeguards for their spending money.
I don’t want my children to suffer and they will live their lives always knowing that we are here should trouble arise. But they can subsidize their own beer money 
My method is just to put money in a shared account when it needs refilling. Simple! I’ve done this for both my sons. Neither has ever abused it. I paid for ski passes and gear for one but just called it a Christmas present. I bought concert tickets for the other one and once sent his serious girlfriend out on a cross country flight for his birthday present. Really, what do you buy them…clothes? They don’t need another hoodie. This way I know they are getting exactly what they want. Each of them worked part time with prime on-campus jobs (tip: apply in the summer before you leave home). I encouraged them to eat food out occasionally as a break from the Dining Hall. When they moved off campus they mostly cooked for themselves, especially the older one who meal preps and is a confident cook. He also fully funded a Roth IRA his junior and senior year with money earned working full time in the summer and part time during the school year. I’m not concerned about his financial savvy. My younger son is less skilled in the kitchen but he makes simple food and is cost conscious. Sometimes I encourage him to go get ramen or sushi, especially when I know he’s pulling late nights and stressed with due dates. He’s 3000 miles away and I can’t cook for him, but I can brighten his day with a favorite meal. He’s surrounded by restaurants in a walkable urban neighborhood.
My second child is getting ready to graduate from a Big10 university in a small-ish city, so I will go with her information since she’s the most recent one.
We have always covered all necessary expenses, from room and board down to shampoo and gas. Like you, we feel school is her job (although she’s had good income from summer internships that she has socked away for her nest egg - we pay on the front end so we don’t have to pay on the back end when it comes to setting up her adult life).
When she lived in a dorm, she ate at the dining hall. She very rarely picked up a treat that was not included in her generous plan. She only ate out in actual restaurants when we came to visit. When we visited, I would bring her a reload of things like shampoo and personal care items. We were three hours away, so that was easier to do. She would get her hair cut when she came home.
Now that she is in an apartment, we still cover the same things (including groceries, rent and utilities). She does not drive very much, so gas is negligible.
I’d say she MAYBE spends $100 a month on “stuff,” and that’s probably being generous. I’ve always encouraged my kids to have some “walking around money,” even if it’s $20 in your pocket. I see her credit card bill, and she has another linked to my card, so I know what she spends. She goes out sometimes (and I’ll warn you bar covers these days are OUTRAGEOUS) but not every weekend.
I think she is cheaper than I am 
My daughter wanted to become a barista to have something to fall back on during the covid times since no one was hiring. First it was at school. She made the same stuff daily since she was limited. Then she went to Big Shoulders coffee by her campus and she really learned the trade. Plus they started her on a 401k plan… Lol. She loved both since it was mostly college kids that went to both and she met tons of people that became friends. Bonus was it was connected to a really good sandwich shop as she gave them coffee and they made her a sandwich. Win /win.
My D20 went to school in a HCOL urban area. Lots of opportunity to spend $$ on dining out, clubs and bars, uber…she had budgeted $4000 for the year (summer earnings), and her first two years (while living on campus and on the meal plan) she probably spent most of that (maybe a couple of hundred left over at the end of each semester). Her final year at school she moved off campus and we paid her rent and gave her a modest monthly amount ($200) for groceries and utilities. She was expected to use her summer earnings to cover the rest. She then got a great on-campus job and worked about 6-8 hours per week. This seemed to cover the gap and support the lifestyle she had become accustomed to 
My D24 is currently at school in a much LCOL rural area. She had saved $3000 from her summer earnings. She spent $1000 during fall semester, and seems on track to spend the same for spring. There is very little there to spend money on, the majority of her spending seems to be online shopping, tbh.
At the San Diego State game the other day, Guy Fieri’s kid was mopping the floor from the men’s basketball sweat.
Your family sounds similar to mine in many ways, and we also struggled with determining an appropriate allowance. There is no right or wrong answer, but we made the decision after a conversation with our kids about what we thought the money should be for with the understanding we could make adjustments if necessary. I thought it would be easier to increase than decrease, so wanted to start on the low end. We settled on $200 per month per college student, and they are not complaining.
I have a D24 at an expensive SLAC. She has all her tuition, room, and board covered, so we only give her a $200/month allowance that she uses for going to coffee shops, buying books for pleasure reading, and an occasional dinner with friends or other entertainment. She does have our credit cards for necessary purchases. We did not encourage her to get a job, but she applied for one on campus and is THRILLED to work 10 hours per week writing the newsletter for her school’s leadership center. It’s a really great job for her and exposes her to a lot of cool campus events and I think it will be good for her resume, too. All in all, it’s a great opportunity for her to earn some extra money and also gain some life skills and experience.
We also have an S25 at a Southern Flagship. He has a great scholarship, so we could give him more, but currently do not. He gets $200 per month from us and we worry that more likely would go to beer money, which we do not want to support. However, we pay all his necessities, his fraternity dues, and he is on our Uber account. We never want money to be a reason he does not get an Uber. He works in the summer, and even picked up some shifts when he was home over break to earn some extra money. He is planning to work two jobs this summer (business-type internship during the day, restaurant server at night). Next year, he will have an off-campus apartment, so we will provide additional grocery money, and we haven’t yet decided how to handle that. On the one hard, we could have him charge groceries to his card, but that won’t teach frugality. On the other hand, we could give him a bigger allowance, but we don’t want to be so generous that we end up providing beer money.
Just an idea, but you could have him charge groceries for the first month and then use that amount as the benchmark for a cash allowance in subsequent months. Or…you could have him use the card (so you know it isn’t being used for beer money), but give him a budget and ask him to track spending on his end, as well. To me, that’s honestly the best life gift you can give him.
We are also debating this for next year when our daughter moves to an apartment. I think we’re going to try to start with an amount that is too low and increase it as needed. She is not great with money and will likely doordash away her grocery money the first month. But honestly $200 isn’t a bad starting place for groceries if you use ingredients and cook. I’m leaning towards starting at $200-$250 for her and then also putting some money on her swipe card for school lunches. Athletes and some boys probably eat more and it would likely depend on where you are going to school too.