I am a big fan of paying for the uber account for college students. It is really important to model zero tolerance for drinking and driving, and this is such an easy (and relatively cheap) way to support that. Some mistakes can’t be undone.
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You can have more than one payment method on an uber account. My kids know they can charge my card in a situation, but uber is used so much I’d go bankrupt if they used mine all of the time (I know they need to be 18 but mine have been ubering since at least 16). I think it might be different depending on where you are, but my kids had a party this summer, 50+, not a car parked on our street. They’re so anti drinking and driving (and plastic straws).
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Totally agree. My spouse was unhappy with S1’s uber charges, and I told him that was penny-wise pound foolish. If our son was killed because he got in a car with a drunk driver, we would be willing to pay $millions to get him back. So paying $20 was an easy call.
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Same here. My kids have both my CC and theirs tied to uber/lyft accounts. My card gets charged for “mom-sanctioned” travel (e.g., to the airport to come home for a visit or getting home safely from a night out) and theirs get used for all other.
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I’m behind, so this is likely all covered already. But here’s what we’ve done.
We pay for:
(1) Uber - Bills directly to my credit card. My child only takes it to get to-from the train station if it’s very late or early (it’s a 1.5m walk, and not in a great part of town) or something truly unique - local pharmacies that he could walk to were out of his meds, he had to get to a pharmacy a 20 minute drive away. Most of the time, he has friends with cars he can bum a ride with, but when he didn’t, these were necessary expenses. I think as long as you tell your daughter your expectation for Uber is necessary or emergency expenses, and not uber eats, it’s completely reasonable to pay for it, and it sounds like she’d be used to that from differentiating bus and uber opportunities now.
(2) I buy basic personal care products and detergent. So I’ll buy deodorant and shampoo (if I had a girl, feminine hygiene products), but not like fancy hair products. I’ll buy some pretty expensive sunblock, because that matters to me and it’s something I don’t want an excuse to scrimp on, but not, like fancy face products. Its easy for me to buy these, because I amazon them all to him. If he needs something he calls or texts and that also gives me a random excuse to talk with him, but often I just throw those in an order when I think he’d be getting low.
(3) Freshman year he lived on campus and had a meal plan, that I paid for. Sophomore and Junior year he lived on his own and did his own cooking or scavenging. He got a meal plan at the fraternity that was five dinners a week for $1170/semester and in addition to that I gave him $75/week for food. That’s more than he probably needed for food as he does a good job of shopping inexpensively, but it’s meant that for weeks when he just eats his groceries, he saves money so then he has the extra for when he wants to go out.
(4) We agreed that I would not pay his fraternity dues. But I told him I’d give him a flat rate for his housing. When he chose to live in less nice, farther away and therefore much cheaper housing, he had enough wiggle room in the housing amount that he used the difference to completely pay for his fraternity dues.
(5) I don’t pay for clothing or “fun” expenses, like concert tickets or entrance fees at things. That is covered out of his summer earnings and savings. (He had a pretty sizeable savings account before college that he had put summer job money into and freshman year he had almost no expenses, other than Chipotle every now and then, so that wasn’t hard. Sophomore year he had some more expenses, but still, when the fun things pull from his own account, he’s careful about them.)
(5) He’s joined three honor societies, all of which have small ($100-$150) membership fees. I paid for each of them, as I consider that part of the school experience.
So I don’t know if that helps, but that’s how we’ve broken it down.
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Oh my goodness, I totally buy expensive hair products for S24, as well as good sunblock and facial moisturizer/products. I buy that stuff for my girls, and I wanted my boy to care for himself just as well as my girls do.
It kills me when I see young men with subpar hair/skin care. Good hair & skin products are for everyone.
Edited to add: I purchase this stuff for my college age children. Once you’ve graduated, you’re on your own for what products you choose.
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You may have made an inaccurate assumption. This isn’t a “because he’s a boy” thing. I don’t buy expensive hair products or moisturizers for me either. I’ve found a hair product that works great for me for $20 as opposed to the $65 bottle the salon wanted to sell me, and I’ve found moisturizer in the $20s that works as well as the stuff that’s more than two or three times that. There are quality products that aren’t expensive.
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I think $20 hair product is expensive lol. I agree you can get great products at that price point. So I guess we are probably spending the same amount on supplies. 
I’ve seen too many boys using those 3-in-1 cleansers and no moisturizer.
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My D21 has very thick curly hair. I pay for her expensive haircuts (about twice a year) as I know how difficult it can be to cut this type of hair well. D24 cuts her boyfriend’s hair and he cuts hers! Such different kids. But I don’t mind paying for good quality hair products and skincare for both of them.
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Some of you guys are a lot more generous than I am. 
We now make our college freshman buy all of her own personal hygiene products & toiletries.
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Spending money budget from us – $0. We paid tuition, room/board and books and our kids worked during the summer to cover their incidental school year expenses. During sophomore year, both kids got campus jobs to pick up extra cash, neither worked more than 5 hours per week, enough money for pizza etc. They were added as additional cardholders on a credit card – for emergencies. “Adulting” expenses, like a new suit for interviews, we paid for.
Reading some of these responses, I had not appreciated how inexpensive my kids were as college students – they got barber shop haircuts, didn’t spend money on clothes, didn’t ask about vacations.
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My S23 is in his second year of college. Here’s how I approach things:
He does not get an allowance; I pay for school and provide “needs” at specific times, for specific things.
I gave him a copy of “The Simple Path to Wealth” in high school and we talked about the tremendous privilege he will have of graduating debt free, and he also knows that if he’d like to live at home after graduation he’s more than welcome to if he’d like to aggressively save and invest his paychecks.
His summer jobs cover his spending money: any eating out, concerts, events off campus, gas money to friends if he’s riding in their cars, his clothes, etc.
I do pay tuition, room and board, all course fees, books, lab fees, everything that’s needed for school. I also provide household items for his use at college (but only at set times during the year, as part of that approach is to deliberately make him plan this out!) and I do continue to provide all toiletries at home for him.
When he left for his first year of college I bought all the things he needed for his dorm, and also stocked him up with a couple months supplies of toiletries and laundry detergent, and I made him a “medicine box” of cold and flu medications, tums, pepto-bismal, cough and sore throat drops, tea, Tylenol and Ibuprofen.
During breaks when he’s home, I’ll say that I’m making an order for toiletries and supplies and to let me know if he needs anything by X date. If he remembers, I’ll order and pay for it and it will be available for him to take back to school with him. If he forgets to take stock of his supplies or forgets to ask me to order something, and runs out of an item whilst at school? Then he’ll need to go to the store and buy that himself (with his own money).
He gets things such as clothes and outdoor gear at holidays and birthdays, but beyond that he also buys all of the rest of his clothes, shoes, and gear with his own money. (Grandparents do get some specific ideas for him—from me—for birthdays and Christmas gifts!). This practice has made him a frugal shopper - he waits for sales, and loves thrift and vintage shopping.
I also pay for transportation to and from school, but I only pay the fare for buying tickets 5 weeks in advance and he needs to figure out the schedules and also buy the ticket (life skills!). If he forgets to buy the ticket and the price goes up? He pays the difference. And that has happened! But that’s a lesson learned. (I did walk him through using Rome2Rio years ago, and he knows how to buy bus, train, and plane tickets and I taught him how to find the best fares.)
He has a job working at the college’s climbing gym twice a week, and as others have noted, the structure of high school is very different than college, and students are not in class all day, every day. Having a job for 5-8 hours a week provides structure and a bit of cash. He still has plenty of time for club sports, a cappella, and outdoor pursuits.
On occasion I will Venmo him $25 to “go get a midterm treat at the bakery,” but something like that will happen just every 2 months or so.
I think it’s healthy developmentally to recognize that we all have different seasons in our lives and being a college student is a “lean” season. There is no shame in that - it’s a life stage. Kids don’t really feel how little purchases add up unless it’s coming out of their own pocket, and they need these opportunities to learn these things so they can develop healthy habits in the long run. Yes, there are kids who are spending $5-$25 a day at coffee shops out of the Bank of Mom and Dad, there will always be those kids! But they’re not learning how to handle themselves, at the time when they really do need to learn how to do that.
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Realistically, a lot of kids who have parents willing to subsidize the daily coffee shop trips will actually be fine (or more than fine) after graduation. Some people have more resources than others and their children learn how to handle money differently than learning it through “lean years” during college.
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Khan Academy offers a financial literacy course, it might be something parents want their children to complete before going off to college.
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IMO, college is the best experience - no jobs, no bills. You study and have fun and learn to socialize.
We told D24 to buy whatever she wants within reason (anything under $500).
I want her to live carefree because she’s earned our trust. Never had a single “B” in her entire life.
We know once she enters the real world, it’s going to be a grind so these are the four years to fully enjoy college with no financial concerns.
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I am really glad for this post. There are so many ways to handle finances during college, and so many degrees of responsibility among the students. And very different approaches can still result in fiscally responsible graduates. Until this post the thread skewed disproportionately towards getting a job during the school year, and to not paying anything for living expenses. That is certainly a valid approach, but that isn’t the only reasonable approach.
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When I was in college (decades ago), my family paid for my tuition and fees plus room and board (full meal plan). And my father also was willing to pay for any entertainment purchases that were able to be placed on the tuition bills (i.e. season tickets to the opera, theater, and football), though I did offer to reimburse originally. My family also paid for flights home.
In addition, I received a monthly allowance that in today’s dollars would be between $350-395/month (per this calculator, and here I was thinking that some of the allowances mentioned on this thread were high!). With that money I was responsible for getting my own toiletries, medicine, any clothes I wanted to buy, paying for the shuttle to/from the airport, etc. Had I wanted to go anywhere (besides home) for spring break, it would have been on me.
I was a frugal kid with pretty frugal friends, so I was able to bank the majority of that money. But then during my junior year abroad, because of my frugal ways, I had money to travel across much of western Europe which truly was educational for me. And after grad school (where I continued to save a good chunk of my grad student stipend…again, frugal), it didn’t take me too long of living at home before I had enough to put a down payment on my first house.
I never had any school-year jobs, though I did apply for some that seemed more interesting, but that generally went toward work-study kids (and certainly not to me). I did work full-time in the summer, too (though the first summer was an unpaid full-time position).
All of this to say, it’s possible to still learn how to budget money, demonstrate adulting skills, understand the value of a dollar, and to be a grateful individual aware of one’s privileges without having a part-time job in college. That said, however, I suspect that my family would have been less generous with me had they seen I was having any issues in those areas.
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Fabulous you have the resources to do this. Lots of kids who have never earned a B in their lives are working to cover lab fees, books, etc. and not just the occasional pizza or $500 treat. Your post implied there was something wrong with those families who don’t trust their kids…
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The question I think is really whether YOU – the parents – are willing to let your child grind post graduation.
Would you let her live in an unsafe neighborhood? Have 3 roommates to make ends meet? Take the bus for 1 hour each way because she cant afford to rent in a prime area? Economize on food, rent, entertainment… everything?
It would pain me to see my child go through this. NYC is full of “kids” in their 20s, 30s, and even beyond who still lean on their parents financially. Maybe this is just the privilege of wealth, that you can insulate (or lesson the impact of) “reality” on your kid… forever.
At the same time, there are lessons from sacrifice. Maybe it kicks their ass into gear to focus on their professional development. Maybe it gives them a better perspective about the privilege they grew up with. Maybe it teaches them lifelong lessons they will need to earn, save, and grow money.
It’s a hard question. I’m tending to lean toward the idea that college is the transition to adulthood, not just an extension of childhood years. And that requires some amount of wrestling with reality.
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Most of my kids like working, one loves working (her twin brother doesn’t share the love, but does have 3 different jobs plus college). She had a summer internship paying $35 an hour, but had a free week between the end of the semester and her start date, so she texted her boss at the garden center she’s worked at for 7+ years that she could work. I think they appreciated her, they sent her $500 as a Christmas bonus for that one week she worked (plus she was paid of course). Oh, and she had one B freshman year in high school, as a college senior a 4.0 with 30 extra credits.