<p>I’m currently having a dispute with my mom as to whether or not this paragraph is correct, and, as she only trusts the Parent Cafe, I’m posting it here .</p>
<p>Prior to this excerpt, I discuss how parts of my personality have been shaped by the books that I’ve read.</p>
<p>“My parents instilled a love of reading in me. This love has been a source of growth and enjoyment throughout my life. As books have forever been such a vital part of me, it would also enable a complete stranger to understand my personality after hearing only a handful of book titles.”</p>
<p>Should the “it would also” be “they would also”? I’m arguing that “it” refers to “this love”, so the paragraph is correct as is. My mom is arguing that it should be “they”, referring to the books. Judgement? (and thanks!)</p>
<p>Actually I think you are both wrong, but you are right that it should be “it”. I think it refers to “hearing”. That said I think the sentence is too convoluted and you would be better off rewriting the sentence entirely.</p>
<p>I’d suggest something more like: “A stranger, given the titles of just a handful of books that I have loved, would be able to learn a lot about me.” I also think forever should be reserved for for referring to the future not the past.</p>
<p>Thanks! and I do agree that the paragraph in general needs work, esp. in terms of structure (although, to be fair, I butchered the word choice just because I don’t feel comfortable posting an exact excerpt of a college essay on the internet).</p>
<p>Your mom is right. You do not match the verb to a subject in a prior sentence. “It” refers to “books” so “they” is correct. </p>
<p>However, the sentence is awkward, no matter how you cut it. Try this - </p>
<p>Upon hearing just a few of my favorite book titles, a complete stranger can gain insight into my personality. </p>
<p>Also, make every effort to write in the active tense - “This love is a source of growth and enjoyment in my life.” </p>
<p>Since I’m on a roll, I don’t think books can be a part of you. The word “reading” is a better choice. “As reading is vital to me…” That puts you back in the active tense, but leads you back into the awkward sentence.</p>
<p>Edited to add - The more I read that sentence, it is so unclear what the “it” refers to that there is no right answer for this particular sentence. Just rewrite it.</p>
<p>It is awkward. What about this? “Books have forever been a vital part of me and after hearing a handful of my favorite books, a stranger would very likely understand my personality.”</p>
<p>or “This love has been a soure of growth and enjoyment throughout my life and it is such a vital part of me that after hearing only a handful of book titles, a stranger would probably understand my personality.”</p>
<p>Or maybe instead of using books use “words” or “reading.”</p>
<p>“They” would be correct. And here’s my rewrite:</p>
<p>Reading is such a vital part of me that a stranger, knowing a handful of my favorite titles, would (something better than “understand my personality”).</p>
<p>Your first paragraph made no sense at all. As soon as I read it I was confused about what the “it” referred to. “As books have forever been such a vital part of me, it would also enable a complete stranger to understand my personality after hearing only a handful of book titles”. If the sentence had stayed as it was then the “it” would have needed to be “they” in order to refer to “the books” and for the sentence to approach making sense. You can’t use “it” in the sentence to refer to your love of books from a previous sentence. So Mom is right. But I agree with the others that it is still a very awkward sentence.</p>
<p>I’m with mathmom: “it” works because it refers to “hearing.” It could also refer to a list of books, but I don’t think that’s what you meant. “They” seems wrong to me; there’s no obvious referent for that pronoun. </p>
<p>So I’ll give it a try.</p>
<p>The original: “My parents instilled a love of reading in me. This love has been a source of growth and enjoyment throughout my life. As books have forever been such a vital part of me, it would also enable a complete stranger to understand my personality after hearing only a handful of book titles.”</p>
<p>An alternative :
“My parents instilled in me a love of reading. From Goodnight Moon to War and Peace, reading each book led to growth or joy - and sometimes both. Books are so vitally important to me that a stranger would understand me well after thumbing through a stack of just a few of my favorites.”</p>
<p>I think this approach is less ambiguous grammatically, and more concrete (and therefore more readable). Also, note how each sentence contains an “echo” or link back to the preceding sentence. That’s often a good way to keep the reader moving through the essay.</p>
<p>I think the paragraph is simply terrible all the way around. It’s stilted and dull. If you want to illustrate how the books you read reflect your personal growth, do that through direct illustration and what my English teacher used to call “lively verbs” (verbs with action, verbs that don’t just sit there). </p>
<p>I’ll also say that as a college essay (making an assumption here), talking about what books you read is pretty dull.</p>
<p>“If you wanted a key to my personality, all you would have to do is take a look at a list of my favorite books.” Then give some examples. Leave your parents out of it.</p>
<p>I would say it’s not so much ungrammatical as it is ambiguous. It’s not clear what “it” refers, too. You need to replace “it” with “love of reading” if it’s what you mean.</p>
<p>Hunt: yes, you can simplify that to “87”. It sounds so pompous when you say it that way! Check out this website on simple writing: [The</a> Abbeville Manual of Style | Abbeville Press Blog Blog Archive Editing the Classics: Gettysburg Address](<a href=“http://www.abbeville.com/blog/?p=3336]The”>http://www.abbeville.com/blog/?p=3336)</p>
<p>First off, thanks for the responses (and many, many rewrites!).</p>
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@cartera45 in context of the rest of the entire paragraph (in which I describe myself through the books that I have read) it would make more sense</p>
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@dmd77 once again, this paragraph (aside from structure) is not very similar to the actual one in my essay. In face, the structure is entirely different now- I posted this because of my mom and I’s disagreement, not for help with the essay. And, while the paragraph is ostensibly about books, a decent writer can make any topic interesting (although, judging by your response, I doubt you’d categorized me therein ).</p>
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@Youdon’tsay maybe not… ;)</p>
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@Hunt I’ve come to accept this about CC. But, of course, that’s why I’m here in the first place!</p>
<p>Scrivener: I agree, and I expect your essay is interesting. BUT… I used to read college essays for a living (as a high school teacher I spent several years reading student essays) and a LOT of students write about the books they like, or the most interesting person they know, or how their handicap has changed their life (and they all think they are the only handicapped person ever). The essays I liked and enjoyed reading were those where the student talked about something they DID. The essay I still remember almost twenty years later was by a student who wrote about how he illicitly obtained a key to the senate bathroom and sat on the same toilet as his heroes, JFK among them. (He went to Harvard, of course.)</p>
<p>"I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch wherethro’
Gleams that untravell’d world whose margin fades
For ever and forever when I move. " :)</p>
<p>But seriously, try to write like you were talking to a friend, not writing an English essay, or a 19th century poem. I really think those natural sounding essays are the ones that grab the admissions officers. I really think it’s better to sound a little too natural than too pedantic. My son did very well with essays that showed him with a sense of humor and a slightly quirky outlook on life. (For example instead of writing that he wanted to go to Tufts for International Relations he wrote about chalk on the sidewalks. For his Chicago essay he wrote about all the reasons he didn’t think at first he wanted to go to Chicago - the first of which that it wasn’t on a coast.)</p>
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